lastrayden Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Well im here cause of course i found out my wife has been cheating. Not sure if it was a EA or PA when i found out. Its now definatly a PA. We have been together for 9 years. Married for 6 in november. We have three beautiful daughters together. The affair has been going on for about two months. We have been seperated for 6 weeks. Since i found out she has been so cold and heartless. The loving wife and mother we had not that long ago. She seemed so loving and caring for the kids and myself. Then overnight turned heartless. Everyday we are seperated is harder and harder. Just think its funny how cheaters think its going to work out for them. Specially when they are both still married. I try talking to her and of course i push her further away. I just started the 180. I feel so bad for the little girls having to go through this. The W only has one thing on her mind and i cant wait for reality to smack her upside her head. Then of course everything is my fault. Sorry i get off track. I just have to vent. The seperation sucks as well as this whole thing. Why would you want to break up a perfectly good family. I help her out around the house and there for a bit it seemed like i was doing everything. We had a great sex life and get along so well. We have wonderful kids who are very beautiful and inteligent. Just any statistics of some kind about how often people come back after seperation and how long the affair will last. Im sure its a difficult question to answer. I just dont know what to do. Never thought i would be in this situation. Cant believe how cold she is. Thanks for listening.
carhill Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Think of cold as absolute zero. Like outer space. That's the baseline for a woman. Any warmth you feel from her is a bonus, not an expectation. So, when you get this really cold feeling, that's normal for her. You're just expecting more because you're used to the warmth part. Combined with outer space, you have typical gaslighting and marital re-write from someone who chose to give her warmth elsewhere. It didn't disappear, rather just shifted from you. My sympathies. I hope your meeting with the lawyer goes well. Oh, right, that was going to be my advice. Anyway, take it one day at a time. Continue 180. Hug the kids. Welcome to LS
stargazer5466 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 The coldness indicates she has fallen out of love. She may panic at some point and come running back. This, as soon as her BF hurts her, when he changes his mind. She will start missing the good times and realizing what she's done, when her new love turns his back. You may get a second chance, but do you really want it? I think the love is impossible to get back at this point.
robf1971 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Well im here cause of course i found out my wife has been cheating. Not sure if it was a EA or PA when i found out. Its now definatly a PA. We have been together for 9 years. Married for 6 in november. We have three beautiful daughters together. The affair has been going on for about two months. We have been seperated for 6 weeks. Since i found out she has been so cold and heartless. The loving wife and mother we had not that long ago. She seemed so loving and caring for the kids and myself. Then overnight turned heartless. Everyday we are seperated is harder and harder. Just think its funny how cheaters think its going to work out for them. Specially when they are both still married. I try talking to her and of course i push her further away. I just started the 180. I feel so bad for the little girls having to go through this. The W only has one thing on her mind and i cant wait for reality to smack her upside her head. Then of course everything is my fault. Sorry i get off track. I just have to vent. The seperation sucks as well as this whole thing. Why would you want to break up a perfectly good family. I help her out around the house and there for a bit it seemed like i was doing everything. We had a great sex life and get along so well. We have wonderful kids who are very beautiful and inteligent. Just any statistics of some kind about how often people come back after seperation and how long the affair will last. Im sure its a difficult question to answer. I just dont know what to do. Never thought i would be in this situation. Cant believe how cold she is. Thanks for listening. Has she moved out? who has custody of the kids?
Author lastrayden Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 Yeah she moved out about a week after i found out. She said she was going to stay at her moms for the night. I thought that it was a good idea as well. She took the kids with her and never came back home. I would get home from work and there would be more and moreof her personal items gone. Now all of them are gone. We share the kids. She has them monday to friday and i have them for the weekend. She drops and picks them up when im at work though. I guess she cant look me in the eyes. I am doing well at the 180. Actually i am feeling alot better since i started it. She has tried contacting me through texts cause she said she doesnt want to see me or talk to me on the phone. I havent replied to any of them. They seem to be getting more frequent as well. Last night i went out for a bit and left my phone in the truck. When i returned i had 4 texts from her saying that she was concerned about me. No one knew where i was and blah blah blah. Then this morning she text me asking where the counceling building was that i go to. I knew she was going to go but didnt know when. I didnt reply back. So i dont know what she is thinking but her texts arent near as cold as they were. Maybe she is realizing that i mean business. Time will tell.
robf1971 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Yeah she moved out about a week after i found out. She said she was going to stay at her moms for the night. I thought that it was a good idea as well. She took the kids with her and never came back home. I would get home from work and there would be more and moreof her personal items gone. Now all of them are gone. We share the kids. She has them monday to friday and i have them for the weekend. She drops and picks them up when im at work though. I guess she cant look me in the eyes. I am doing well at the 180. Actually i am feeling alot better since i started it. She has tried contacting me through texts cause she said she doesnt want to see me or talk to me on the phone. I havent replied to any of them. They seem to be getting more frequent as well. Last night i went out for a bit and left my phone in the truck. When i returned i had 4 texts from her saying that she was concerned about me. No one knew where i was and blah blah blah. Then this morning she text me asking where the counceling building was that i go to. I knew she was going to go but didnt know when. I didnt reply back. So i dont know what she is thinking but her texts arent near as cold as they were. Maybe she is realizing that i mean business. Time will tell. You are handling this great, you are taking the great advice on this forum. ie to drop her like a bad habit. Of course she's wondering where you are, these cheaters hate the thought that their betrayed spouse might actually not be sitting at home crying their eyes out. Expect her to start using the kids as an excuse to contact you. If she calls you let it go to voicemail. If it's serious eg an ill kid then call her back, if not don't bother. She also may well start freaking out at you and doing all manner of weird stuff. My batsh*t crazy ex first wife did everything from faking a mental illness to making me think she'd been sexually assualted by some guy (totally false). All of this was because I stopped contacting her. If she turns up at your door sobbing for forgivness, don't make it easy for her. Tell her you don't feel the same way about her anymore. Tell her ILYBN lol, and you need time to think about it. Take a page from her playbook.
robf1971 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Yeah she moved out about a week after i found out. She said she was going to stay at her moms for the night. I thought that it was a good idea as well. She took the kids with her and never came back home. I would get home from work and there would be more and moreof her personal items gone. Now all of them are gone. We share the kids. She has them monday to friday and i have them for the weekend. She drops and picks them up when im at work though. I guess she cant look me in the eyes. I am doing well at the 180. Actually i am feeling alot better since i started it. She has tried contacting me through texts cause she said she doesnt want to see me or talk to me on the phone. I havent replied to any of them. They seem to be getting more frequent as well. Last night i went out for a bit and left my phone in the truck. When i returned i had 4 texts from her saying that she was concerned about me. No one knew where i was and blah blah blah. Then this morning she text me asking where the counceling building was that i go to. I knew she was going to go but didnt know when. I didnt reply back. So i dont know what she is thinking but her texts arent near as cold as they were. Maybe she is realizing that i mean business. Time will tell. Remember, until such time as she shows massive remorse you are simply a backup option in case her OM falls through. Never be someone's number 2 option. I suggest you read some threads in the OM/OW board, to get insight into the minds of these sad sack cheaters.
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