soitgoess Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 So I am unsure how to proceed in this situation. I've been dating this guy for 6 months, but we have been long distance for like 5 months (we're about 6 hours driving apart). Last school year we lived together (in a large house) but then he graduated just after we started being in a relationship, hence the long distance. We decided to just give the LDR a chance because we knew each other for so long before (like 2 years of significant friendship). I really like him and hes such a great guy but like there's things that I am pretty unhappy about. He just doesn't seem that into me (but at the same time hes in a LDR with me...and we broke up about a month ago but then he wanted to try to work things out and got back together). We don't have daily communication (well I used to text all the time, but he never did so I sort of stopped) and usually just talk on the phone every few days...which I mean is expected as I'm super super busy. But even when I'm visiting him or hes visiting me its not like hes all about it either. he just does little subconscious things: he just doesn't talk to me in a group setting or hold the door for me ever or even let me go in doorways first. I would even be willing to overlook these things if I didn't get the feeling like he just isn't that excited to be around me, sometimes I feel like getting him to just talk to me is painful for him. I feel so nit-picky complaining about these things, its not like we argue all the time (acutally, never) or like he is abusive to me (again, never has happened), but this relationship is just not making me feel amazing. My boyfriend in high school made me feel so important and valued and I felt so connected to him on a deeper level than this person. But we dated for much longer and I don't want to compare people like that. plus, this is only my second actual relationship apart from college hook up things. But I also don't want to waste my time with someone that is not right for me. I think the worst part is that HE doesn't realize these things. And whenever I bring up something that I'm unhappy about he says he'll change and seems to really be concerned and want to fix it. I guess I brought up the communication thing before and said that he'd work on it, but it hasn't really changed. I don't know if he is just clueless about relationships (hes dated a lot more but like, they might have been just fleeting things) or I should talk to him about these things. I don't want to be desperate or whiny like "wahhh you don't like me anymore" but thats sort of how I feel. I don't know what to do, I really like him and everything, but I guess I'm wondering if we're really a good fit for each other. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Sake3838 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I think its hard to tell in this situation to give enough proper advice.. I dont really know the guy from your PoV But how often do you see eachother now? and when you cant see him in person do you talk lots? If he really is clueless you need to be blunt as hell.. and lay everything out.. because if you concede even a little he will think the problems solved I think he is comfortable with you thats why he wants to keep it that way. but a relationship isnt just about comfort.. its about dynamic chemistry and care and thoughtfulness and love
Author soitgoess Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 thank you for your advice and I know this is hard to give advice on...I am turning to anonymous people for advice because sometimes a non friend opinion is valuable. we see each other about every 6 weeks. When we are apart we don't talk that much and I think that's what bothers me the most, usually restricted by my busy life/homework, but sometimes just because he doesn't seem interested in having a conversation (which is the worst). I am feeling more decided on this and I think I'm just going to have a serious talk to tell him that he needs to communicate with me more. I just want him to make the effort and want to know why he currently isn't. I feel like we are still in the building stage of the relationship and because we don't communicate well when we are apart, its not growing.
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