irc333 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 This is a 2-part post. In the past, and recently, I had to deal with women when they agreed to going out with me , and giving me their number...only to either to be given the blow off or non-responsive after calling a couple of times, or they SELECTIVELY respond to your phone call or emails. And don't give me this "She's just not that into you" that's not the point of this thread, it's just stating the obvious. If she weren't into me, she would've ignored me or said "I'm not interested, good luck in your search." Okay, now the 2nd part of the post, showing some backbone. Guys, how many chances do you give when you call a woman that doesn't return your call? And if she doesn't, do you send a final email expressing something (nicely written, not going nuts) saying, "I take it from your lack of response, good luck in your search" Or perhaps express some kind of disapproval for her behavior IF, she puts up an argument in response to the above? That being said, you know how a lot of women can't stand wimpy guys lacking in a backbone and self-respect? By demonstrating this, does this how you have backbone, instead of caving and going back and forth with someone that is blowing you off?
Cypress25 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I know you're asking the guys, but I think there's a 3rd option that you didn't discuss. If a woman is blowing you off, just stop contacting her and move on to someone else. You don't need to keep chasing her, but you don't need to send a final email expressing your disapproval either.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 None. Unless I were really infatuated with someone and worshipped the ground she walked on, I'd take one stand-up as a statement of everything I need to know. It's undignified to be a doormat. I might give the object of my one-sided affections another go but that's it. If you get stood up or similarly dissed, it's almost always because you're considered number two (or lower) behind someone else. I can't be number two (unless there's a special kind of FWB thing going on that I buy into).
Author irc333 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 I know you're asking the guys, but I think there's a 3rd option that you didn't discuss. If a woman is blowing you off, just stop contacting her and move on to someone else. You don't need to keep chasing her, but you don't need to send a final email expressing your disapproval either. I do send a final email, but I don't express any kind of disapproval, I typically had stated, "I see by your lack of response, that you had lost interest, so I wish you luck in your search." In that email, you're not talking about her character nor behavior , it just states the finality of the situation. I would think this demonstrates how you're not someone's door mat. By saying nothing, you might not demonstrate that. I did this with a woman one a dating site once, took her a week to respond to that email, I"m suprised she actually responded, she gave me some song and dance excuse, something about how she discovered online dating was "counter productive" for her, and thought it wasn't a great way to go about meeting people. She gave me this, "I'm sure you're a great guy, and find someone that's right for you" And that was the end of that, at least you're saying something,b ut not being a jerkwad about it either.
ptp Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) I give 1 chance. Once can be a missed phone call or some other issue, but two times and she isn't interested. Move on to the next one. However, if we had a date planned and she stood me up then 0 chances its over, that is straight up insulting. I also wouldn't write an email or try to contact in anyway..it serves no purpose. She has made her intentions clear when she ignores phone calls and/or blows you off. Why write an email or try to contact her afterwards? Edited October 18, 2011 by ptp
Author irc333 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 I give 1 chance. Once can be a missed phone call or some other issue, but two times and she isn't interested. Move on to the next one. However, if we had a date planned and she stood me up then 0 chances its over, that is straight up insulting. I also wouldn't write an email or try to contact in anyway..it serves no purpose. She has made her intentions clear when she ignores phone calls and/or blows you off. Why write an email or try to contact her afterwards? If she stood me up, I'd definitely tell her off in an email, no question about it. As men, we need to stand up for ourselves in that regard. Being stood up is inexcusable, and it should be expressed to the person who did that standing up. That's just the way I roll.
laotzu Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I wouldn't call again, and I wouldn't send anything to her afterwards. I have nothing to gain but embarrassment and wasted time.
Imageiko Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I do send a final email, but I don't express any kind of disapproval, I typically had stated, "I see by your lack of response, that you had lost interest, so I wish you luck in your search." This seems like a waste of your time tbh. There is really no scenario where you can gain something from sending an email like this. I assume you're talking about online dating which I really think anything other than a strike 1 policy is putting in too much effort.
Author irc333 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 This seems like a waste of your time tbh. There is really no scenario where you can gain something from sending an email like this. I assume you're talking about online dating which I really think anything other than a strike 1 policy is putting in too much effort. I have a friend that is dealing with women like this on a CONSTANT basis even in REAL life. The two have pretty much merged anyhow.
The Outlaw Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I think I'd give her the benefit of a doubt-once if I really liked her. But anymore than that, forget it. Nobody needs to play games.
The Tiger Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 You're not being a doormat by not telling her off when she stiffs you, you're only being a doormat if she stiffs you and you continually keep going after her. Just forget about her if she doesn't want to answer your phone calls or meet you when she says she will. Sending emails just seems like a way to take out your frustration or get revenge.
carhill Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Zero. Hope that helps Oh, I don't tell women whom I'm not committed to, like married, off. Why bother? At most, I outline my boundaries and what I want. That's it.
phineas Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I used to give them another chance, but i'd just get blown off again. So these days, they flake on me or don't call me back & that's it. It's up to them to contact me.
WhiteChocolate Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Zero. Hope that helps Oh, I don't tell women whom I'm not committed to, like married, off. Why bother? At most, I outline my boundaries and what I want. That's it. Carhill, you are such a boss. :lmao: As a woman, even though I don't directly "ask" men out, I say things like, "Are you busy on so-and-so date? Let's get coffee!" or "My friends and I are watching insert-movie-here, would you like to come?" And after I try about 2-3 times and they blow me off, I move on.
thatone Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Carhill, you are such a boss. :lmao: As a woman, even though I don't directly "ask" men out, I say things like, "Are you busy on so-and-so date? Let's get coffee!" or "My friends and I are watching insert-movie-here, would you like to come?" And after I try about 2-3 times and they blow me off, I move on. hate to break it to you dear but that IS asking men out. that's the same BS we say to women. but there's no shame in it, i don't know why women think there is. confidence is attractive in women just like it is in men.
bdbmwer Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 This is a 2-part post. In the past, and recently, I had to deal with women when they agreed to going out with me , and giving me their number...only to either to be given the blow off or non-responsive after calling a couple of times, or they SELECTIVELY respond to your phone call or emails. And don't give me this "She's just not that into you" that's not the point of this thread, it's just stating the obvious. If she weren't into me, she would've ignored me or said "I'm not interested, good luck in your search." Okay, now the 2nd part of the post, showing some backbone. Guys, how many chances do you give when you call a woman that doesn't return your call? And if she doesn't, do you send a final email expressing something (nicely written, not going nuts) saying, "I take it from your lack of response, good luck in your search" Or perhaps express some kind of disapproval for her behavior IF, she puts up an argument in response to the above? That being said, you know how a lot of women can't stand wimpy guys lacking in a backbone and self-respect? By demonstrating this, does this how you have backbone, instead of caving and going back and forth with someone that is blowing you off? honestly you dont need to say anything. there is no set amount of chances and sometimes people are just busy. The trick is just to not care that much and be nonchalant. send them a text here and there not always just asking to hang out right away. if they respond great if not then whatever. If you send them quite a few and theyve never responded then thats a pretty clear message and you just move on to the next one and forget about this one. chances are once you stop paying her attention she may text you
carhill Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Carhill, you are such a boss. :lmao: LOL, and I build awesome BDSM gear too Seriously, I've never had an issue with being rejected or 'blown off'. It's been more with those women who've strung me along. I didn't have healthy boundaries for that. People who are busy, do the fade or say 'get away creep'? No problem. I've been dealing with them since I was old enough to masturbate and god that was a long time ago The 'backbone' part of the equation definitely improved as a result of being married, wrt asserting boundaries in general. It was either stand up or get trampled and, man, my back was sore from the latter.
PratyekaYana Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I give two chances: the first is the actual call, and the second is the voicemail. Her lack of response to the phone call is in some cases excusable because I know first hand how easy it is to find yourself in a situation where you can't afford even the briefest of phone conversations. If she does nothing to respond to the voicemail, however, then I consider her a lost cause and write her off of my social calendar from that point forward.
Trovador Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I always send a message, email or call when I decide enough is enough (this is more than a couple of calls or messages unanswered though)... Odd thing is all the girls I have expressed my disappointment and bitterness have come back, a week later, the same day, a couple of days and we have had a relationship... it seems this attitude of mine has been a catalyst for women expressing their real feelings, or whatever... Problem when you don't send them a message is that they ignore what you are feeling and contact you and treat you as if nothing had happened, perpetuating thus this vicious circle... or maybe they let you go without a fuss... When you make clear your protests though, it is like you are dumping them, whatever that is worth for...
Lobouspo Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I recently dated a woman for about a month....this past weekend she canceled on me for the second time. I sent her an email basically saying i would no longer contact her but good luck i still think you are cool. I did that for myself to draw a line in the sand and set a boundary for myself so i wouldn't break NC because i knew i would be tempted. Straight and to the point without sounding pathetic or bitter but at the same time giving me closure
fishtaco Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 This is a 2-part post. In the past, and recently, I had to deal with women when they agreed to going out with me , and giving me their number...only to either to be given the blow off or non-responsive after calling a couple of times, or they SELECTIVELY respond to your phone call or emails. And don't give me this "She's just not that into you" that's not the point of this thread, it's just stating the obvious. If she weren't into me, she would've ignored me or said "I'm not interested, good luck in your search." Pretty common. Happens to every man. Don't feel bad. Unless you are blessed with uncommonly high social status, i.e. you are Brad Pitt, you will have experienced this before. And I bet even Brad Pitt experienced this before he reached celebrity-hood. Okay, now the 2nd part of the post, showing some backbone. Guys, how many chances do you give when you call a woman that doesn't return your call? Depends on how strong our relationship is. If I met her a week ago and had two dates, I give her zero chance. Once I make the attempt to contact, the ball is in her court. I will not contact her again. I don't care if her phone broke or her house caught on fire. If she wants to continue, she has to find a way to contact me. Write me an email. Call up a mutual friend to send me a message. Whatever. Have I lost chances by doing this? Probably. But most of the time I just end up filtering out the crappy ones; women out to play me or ones that can't make up their minds. If you are afraid of losing chances then you've already lost. The most important thing is to know that you can always generate more opportunities. When you do that, women will actually respect you more and take you more seriously. But also I multidate by default. Once I fire off that communication, I don't wait for a reply, I'm off doing my thing. If she replies, let's keep it going. If not, well, it's not like I was waiting for her anyway. But if we have stronger positive history, then I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and try a couple of more times. But several months ago I didn't follow my own advice. And guess what, it was all bad. I should have followed my own advice. And if she doesn't, do you send a final email expressing something (nicely written, not going nuts) saying, "I take it from your lack of response, good luck in your search" Again depends. There was this one that she was actually very pleasant. I had high hopes for her. We were going on dates for maybe three weeks, then she went cold. But I sensed that she's a good person, just because she doesn't want to date me doesn't make her evil, so I gave her a let's be friends email. Email because I tried three times to talk to her, and I ran out of patience, and went the email route. I didn't really care if she replied. But she did, so now we're friends and we hang out once in a while. I've dated a bunch of women since her, but I don't think she dated anyone. Now I think maybe she just wasn't ready but didn't know how to tell me. And the opposite spectrum I've done the disappearing act. This one time this chick botched up the first date, so I just never called her. The end. Or perhaps express some kind of disapproval for her behavior IF, she puts up an argument in response to the above? Never give disapproval. Not care and walk away is the most you should ever do. That being said, you know how a lot of women can't stand wimpy guys lacking in a backbone and self-respect? By demonstrating this, does this how you have backbone, instead of caving and going back and forth with someone that is blowing you off? It's not even about women. It's about you. How can you have confidence in yourself when you can't even detach from someone that isn't treating you well?
betterdeal Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 MEN: How many chances do you give? Do you have a backbone? Me? I just phone through my list of hoes in that area code until I find one who's ready for some lovin' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD8AFbD2mmE
Emilia Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 If she stood me up, I'd definitely tell her off in an email, no question about it. As men, we need to stand up for ourselves in that regard. Being stood up is inexcusable, and it should be expressed to the person who did that standing up. That's just the way I roll. It comes across like you are blowing off frustration rather than standing up for yourself. If someone isn't treating you well and you aren't in a relationship with them, you should just move on without further ado just like most men on this thread suggested. You shouldn't come across like you have invested emotions in something that was worthless in the end because that makes you look emotionally needy. It's best to move on asap without a word. I don't usually buy into the 'strong silent type' but on occasions like this it works well I think.
Woggle Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 If she does it a second time I simply move on with my life. I have no time for stupid games.
Author irc333 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 Good points, I had a guy who said a woman said she couldn't make it out one night, soemthing about being sick. So he goes out with some friends and he CATCHES her in the same establishment. Caught her red-handed. LOL (No he didn't follow her, it was just a coincidence) Sometimes when women don't return your calls, and you bump into them in person, they give you the, "Oh, I MEANT to call you, but I've had a lot of things going on right now" THEN they try to continue on with the games, to keep you calling after that point. Even encouraging you to call once again. I always send a message, email or call when I decide enough is enough (this is more than a couple of calls or messages unanswered though)... Odd thing is all the girls I have expressed my disappointment and bitterness have come back, a week later, the same day, a couple of days and we have had a relationship... it seems this attitude of mine has been a catalyst for women expressing their real feelings, or whatever... Problem when you don't send them a message is that they ignore what you are feeling and contact you and treat you as if nothing had happened, perpetuating thus this vicious circle... or maybe they let you go without a fuss... When you make clear your protests though, it is like you are dumping them, whatever that is worth for...
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