SingleinSouth Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I haven't dated this guy very long but the first impression has been GREAT! I really like him but this week, I got a cold sore. I get them from time to time but it has been a few years and I've had them since high school and I didn't get them from having SEX, for crying out loud! But he is treating me like a leper and it's f*cking annoying me and is really unattractive. It's herpes simplex I. I have never had a boyfriend treat me like this over a cold sore. I suppose it is kinda gross though it is small and hardly even noticeable (I take a rx for it at first sign). Is this normal behavior? I know he is pretty much of a perfectionist and neat freak and all of that so I suppose this is to be expected but sheesh.
WhiteChocolate Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Wow....what would he do if you broke out in a light case of acne? Or got cancer? He doesn't seem to be much of a long-term prospect to me if he is getting all twisted up over one cold sore. I can understand if he is tentative about touching it, but treating you like a leper is taking it a bit far.
Author SingleinSouth Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 Wow....what would he do if you broke out in a light case of acne? Or got cancer? He doesn't seem to be much of a long-term prospect to me if he is getting all twisted up over one cold sore. I can understand if he is tentative about touching it, but treating you like a leper is taking it a bit far. I've been googling since I posted this trying to understand all the risks and stuff. Wow, I've been in long term relationships before and haven't ever transmitted it or had anyone treat me like this. He texted me, "I'm not going to just say nevermind...it's only a virus for life, sorry." It's so f*ucking stupid to have this emotion over a cold sore when we had unprotected sex after 3 weeks? Why is it he seems to think he can get a big deal "virus for life" over kissing me (he can, it's true) but didn't seem so concerned about where his d*ck was going 4+ months ago?! I'm sorry I'm talking trash. I'm just so annoyed and fairly hurt at being treated like (what I feel) is a piece of trash. ANYONE who has sex (even protected sex) runs the risk of an STD. A cold sore is small potatoes compared to HIV, HSVII, HPV. And you know what? I don't know if HE has anything! He could have HSVI and not even know it! I'm feeling alot less love over this whole treatment.
Author SingleinSouth Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 P.S. I know he can get this from kissing me and I'm ok with him not wanting to kiss me while I have it (no matter how small). I just don't like the whole leper treatment and rubbing it in and stuff.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Sorry but it's a good thing to discover this early on that he's a JERK. It's not "normal" for a guy who cares about a girl to seize on a little routine health thing like that and turn it into a big thing. He sounds like a very immature guy.
Author SingleinSouth Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 Sorry but it's a good thing to discover this early on that he's a JERK. It's not "normal" for a guy who cares about a girl to seize on a little routine health thing like that and turn it into a big thing. He sounds like a very immature guy. Did you see that text he sent me yesterday? And you, a guy, think that is absurd? Cause I do. I'm just checkin. This is a guy who won't rent from Redbox because it has germs. I could live with that but I don't like being treated like a germy Redbox machine.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Did you see that text he sent me yesterday? And you, a guy, think that is absurd? Cause I do. I'm just checkin. This is a guy who won't rent from Redbox because it has germs. I could live with that but I don't like being treated like a germy Redbox machine. Nah, I didn't see the second post before I ledgered mine. My reaction is the same. He seems an immature dufus and you probably should close him out.
The Tiger Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Sounds like reasonable behavior to me. Do you WANT to infect him with an incurable virus? At least he said "sorry".
Author SingleinSouth Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 More reactions please to this text from him: "I'm not going to just say nevermind...it's only a virus for life, sorry." Darn it...I was really liking him. I have a job in the healthcare field. I wonder if I'm going to have to disrobe and be washed down in a germicidal insecticide before I'm allowed in his house after a shift? Ok, I'm probably going a bit overboard but seriously, it's a cold sore. And I liked him and even today he is not even trying to make it up to me. When I texted him that it's not a sexually transmitted disease, he said, "Seems like it kind of is...although yes- yes it's transmitted many other ways, too. (I've had it since I was a kid...WAY before sex) It's a good thing I don't have toenail fungus.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 A cold sore is small potatoes compared to ...HSVII Maybe in Algebra class, but that's about it. On the bright side, having HSV I on either end makes it far more difficult to acquire HSV II on the same end, but of course you could get either one on the opposite end.
Author SingleinSouth Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 Maybe in Algebra class, but that's about it. On the bright side, having HSV I on either end makes it far more difficult to acquire HSV II on the same end, but of course you could get either one on the opposite end. I hope you know that makes no sense at all. But it was funny.
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 He's an ass.hole, but he's being honest about it. And blunt. Now it's up to you to decide if you want him in your life. He isn't going to change how he feels about cold sores. What if you get 2 cold sores at the same time?? OMFG, he's going to head for the hills and jump off a cliff to get away from you.. (trying to be funny here)
Author SingleinSouth Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 He's an ass.hole, but he's being honest about it. And blunt. Now it's up to you to decide if you want him in your life. He isn't going to change how he feels about cold sores. What if you get 2 cold sores at the same time?? OMFG, he's going to head for the hills and jump off a cliff to get away from you.. (trying to be funny here) There ya go! I hear ya. I can tell you what bothers me most about this whole topic. Generally speaking and also as it applies to my boyfriend, guys go sticking their dicks in any willing pretty girl they want and are ignorant as to the risks. Go look up statistics...most women have HPV. Some strains of HPV cause cancer and some strains cause genital warts. Condoms don't help so much...skin to skin contact like herpes. Genital herpes is also a virus so live with it for life. Most people who get herpes I virus (cold sore virus) get it in the first 7 years of their life. If a child drinks after a parent who has it, uses chapstick of a family member who has it (kids do that stuff), my dad used to carry a cloth hankerchief (ew gross) and wipe our noses...it is spread. It is mostly dormant in the body. I get a cold sore every couple years and I have a script for it. I have had long term partners (13 year one was my longest) and he never got it and we kissed and had sex and had oral sex and everything and everything and he never got it. I now need to go back to taking my script everyday to cut down the chance that they will pop up but I'm still contagious before one is visable...so does that mean blow jobs are off the table for him? No more kissing? EVER? Another ignorant aspect of this is that I told him I wouldn't use the toothbrush head of the sonic toothbrush at his house (he encouraged me to use it...has his own toothbrush head but we share the base) and he said that was being ridiculous. NO IT'S NOT! I spray slobber and stuff all over the base that he holds and that part doesn't go back in the UV disinfectant device like the heads. If he wants to get all technical about it, what risks is he willing to eliminate? The thing is, he didn't hesitate to stick his penis in my vagina without getting an STD panel from me (or me from him) yet genital herpes and HPV and HIV are much freaking more serious than cold sores. And I didn't ask for an std panel from him either but he could have HPV and there's no test for guys. Since it is SO COMMON for people to have HPV and not know it, THAT was not a very smart risk for either of us to take but people do it EVERY DAY! I worked a short time in an AIDS clinic and normal professional functioning people are HIV positive. You don't know by looking at anyone whether they have an STD. And if you sleep with someone quickly, you don't know their character and if they will tell you or not. Heck, most people don't want to spend $549 for a pap smear and an std panel like I just did. Lot's of women don't have pap smears yearly and don't know that ATYPICAL CERVICAL CELLS mean you have HPV. I worked in public health, talked to a guy I knew from the community outside before I went in to work, and there he is in the clinic to have his HPV genital warts removed from his dick. Seriously people (and boyfriend), get a grip on the facts. No, I don't want my boyfriend to have a virus that will give him a cold sore on his lips. I don't want to give him type I on his genitals for sure. But take some f*cking responsibility for your choices and don't look down on someone for getting cold sores because her dad used a cloth hanky on her runny nose when she was a kid. I didn't get it from sex for crying out loud. Be kind and remove ignorant thoughts. Note: Perfectly wonderful people have stds so I don't want to imply that I devalue them in any way for choices most of us make in our personal life. They may have increased their odds of contacting stds or they may have just been unlucky. I'm a nurse and I don't judge this person any more than I judge someone for being an obese smoker. We all make dumb life choices that have long term consequences.
Ilovewater Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Wow! He's being an immature jerk! Acting like you're a leper is just too much. It'd be more understandable if he just doesn't want to kiss you or touch around that area while you have it, but to freak out like that? He's going overboard. I would sit down and have a serious discussion with him.... P.S. You can also transmit HSV I even if you don't have the cold sores because the virus will still shed into your saliva occasionally. Fortunately, that's pretty rare.
Author SingleinSouth Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 P.S. You can also transmit HSV I even if you don't have the cold sores ... Fortunately, that's pretty rare. Yep, you are right! It's great to be able to vent somewhere anonymously even if no one responds at all. Thanks for responding (along with the others)! I think I am calming down alittle bit now, heehee.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 I hope you know that makes no sense at all. But it was funny. Uhhhhh, it would make perfect sense to someone who understood what she was writing. How can you say "A cold sore (HSV I) is "small potatoes" compared to (HSV II)" ? THAT is the part that "makes no sense at all". Translation: Youuuuuuur boyfriend doesn't want herpes either on his mouth or on his genitals. Now what is it about that which doesn't make any sense to you? ... and yet you insist that HE is "... acting really stupid"
Ilovewater Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Uhhhhh, it would make perfect sense to someone who understood what she was writing. How can you say "A cold sore (HSV I) is "small potatoes" compared to (HSV II)" ? THAT is the part that "makes no sense at all". Translation: Youuuuuuur boyfriend doesn't want herpes either on his mouth or on his genitals. Now what is it about that which doesn't make any sense to you? ... and yet you insist that HE is "... acting really stupid" If he doesn't want HSV I, all he has to do is not touch it. They just have to not kiss and be intimate while she has the cold sore. He doesn't need to shun her and treat her like crap. There's no excuse for his immature behaviors. And it is true, HSV I isn't really less dangerous than HSV II. HSV I can also lead to herpetic encephalitis that is fatal and corneal uclers which can lead to blindness. But those are much more rare.
Author SingleinSouth Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 He doesn't need to shun her and treat her like crap. There's no excuse for his immature behaviors. Here's another weird thing. He went camping with buddies to a new area and used filter tablets to drink the river water. It seems there is a huge risk to do something like that. There are some good survival water filters out there but tablets are not so consistent. The sonic toothbrush thing doesn't make sense either. I'm most concerned that what HE chooses to say and do are "the right thing"...even if they don't make all that much sense. But I'm in a second class position and my thoughts and feelings can be treated as such. Two people in a relationship should be able to communicate about things without one or the other putting the hammer down and ending conversation or holding someone at arms length. Also, a mature person should be able to admit when he/she could be seeing/acting/thinking without all of the facts. It's feeling like a bit of a control tactic- the beginning of "I am right, you are wrong. We are not gonna discuss it if I don't want to."
Author SingleinSouth Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 I didn't get all weirded out about catching some protozoa or something from his saliva when he got back from his camping trip. It's not like I would really enjoy giardia. He broke up with his last girlfriend because she wouldn't stop talking about her relationship with her father. The girlfriend before him left because he didn't want her to get a tattoo. It's not the virus itself that I'm in conflict with him about (though he is uptight about it, IMO, I can deal with that) it's the treatment of me regarding the whole issue.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 If he doesn't want HSV I, all he has to do is not touch it. They just have to not kiss and be intimate while she has the cold sore. He doesn't need to shun her and treat her like crap. There's no excuse for his immature behaviors. And it is true, HSV I isn't really less dangerous than HSV II. HSV I can also lead to herpetic encephalitis that is fatal and corneal uclers which can lead to blindness. But those are much more rare. I love how you reference not touching "it" before admonishing him for "shunning her" and "treating her like crap". I've already stated that HSV I and HSV II are effectively THE SAME... and my response was to her mistaken statement that HSV I is "small potatoes" compared to HSV II. They are sexually interchangeable, but alas, if you land HSV II in, say, your throat, it becomes more difficult to acquire HSV I up there when HSV II has already nested at that end of your spine. NOT that it matters by then...
oaks Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 More reactions please to this text from him: "I'm not going to just say nevermind...it's only a virus for life, sorry." Bad topic for discussion via text messages.
ChessPieceFace Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I doubt I would stay with someone that had herpes either. It's his body and his decision. Seriously. Women and liberal activists cry and whine that women deserve the ability to protect "their body" by murdering their unborn children. Yet men can't protect their bodies by not wanting the herpes virus? Why would anyone want the herpes virus?? OP, I'm sorry you contracted this, it's sad that any STDs exist but they do. But the fact that it isn't as bad as HIV or life threatening doesn't mean people should want to potentially get it from you.
Author SingleinSouth Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 I doubt I would stay with someone that had herpes either. It's his body and his decision. Seriously. Women and liberal activists cry and whine that women deserve the ability to protect "their body" by murdering their unborn children. Yet men can't protect their bodies by not wanting the herpes virus? Why would anyone want the herpes virus?? OP, I'm sorry you contracted this, it's sad that any STDs exist but they do. But the fact that it isn't as bad as HIV or life threatening doesn't mean people should want to potentially get it from you. OMG, it's not an std though it can be spread that way. I had this when I was a kid. Type I (cold sore) is transmitted normally by age 7. ChessFan- have you ever had sex? It doesn't matter if it's "protected" sex or not, Herpes II and HPV are extremely common and are contracted skintoskin contact. There isn't even a test for HPV in men. You can carry it and have no symptoms.
ChessPieceFace Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 OMG, it's not an std though it can be spread that way. I had this when I was a kid. Type I (cold sore) is transmitted normally by age 7. Ah. I stand (mostly) corrected. However, it can still be spread through sex, and also making out, and it's still not something I'd want to ever get. So I could understand someone else not wanting to get it. ChessFan- have you ever had sex? Nope. I may never at this point, and that doesn't really bother me tbh. I would never base my self-worth on how many holes I've penetrated. It doesn't matter if it's "protected" sex or not, Herpes II and HPV are extremely common and are contracted skintoskin contact. There isn't even a test for HPV in men. You can carry it and have no symptoms. I've had various warts since I was a very young kid, removed and popping up elsewhere etc, so I believe that means I must have HPV. That does concern me and I've been wondering if there has been any progress in a vaccine or cure for men (which, subsequently, would greatly benefit you women.) I certainly would expect any woman to be concerned about contracting it (if one was ever intimate with me) and rightly so. I could understand if a girl didn't want to be with me because of HPV. Then again, I think there is a vaccine for women.
oaks Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 I've had various warts since I was a very young kid, removed and popping up elsewhere etc, so I believe that means I must have HPV. Don't confuse my post with complete education about HPV, but please know that there are many strains (it's a whole family of viruses - literally dozens of strains). Some cause warts and some don't, some are linked to causing some kinds of cancer (in both sexes) and some aren't, some are linked to being sexually transmitted and some aren't. In many cases the body's immune system can completely get rid of the infection (as is the case with the common cold). It's not as simple as "I've had a wart so I must have HPV".
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