Numb121 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 First of all, I just want to say i'm really sorry for making this long. I hope you can take the time to read this and offer your opinions/advice. Me and my ex girlfriend were together for 3 yrs. I broke it off with her ( she texted me 1 minute later saying 'we're over') due to too many small arguments leading to big ones and we had multiple breakups before and got back together but obviously it didn't work. However, the most we went without contact was about 1 month max and we would get back together 90% of the time being me getting us back together regardless of who broke up with who. We've been broken up for 6 months now (by far the longest time away from each other). About 3 weeks after we broke up she blocked me on fb. We're not friends on there and she could only see my basic profile picture and vice versa. About 3 months ago, I noticed she had unblocked me on fb and 2 days later blocked me again. I heard nothing until 2 months ago where she emailed me and I noticed she unblocked me on fb again. I was really surprised and it was more or less small talk, her asking how I'm doing, how I've been etc. We exchanged about 3-4 emails before I told her I had to go as I was heading out. It was nice, she seemed happy and friendly telling me she's been busy etc. Anyway, about 2 weeks later it was my b-day and I didn't receive any happy birthday message etc. 3 weeks later she decides to block me on fb again :S. I was quite upset by it so I emailed her asking why she did that as I thought everything was cool now. All she said was 'I don't know'. I asked her how she was feeling and she said 'hmm, I'm not too bad I suppose'. Quite a bit different to the first time she contacted me where she seemed upbeat and happy. At this point it was my religious celebration so early in the next morning she emailed me saying 'happy celebration' or something along those lines. Why did she ignore my b-day but send me a happy celebration email? I didn't hear a peep from her until only 6 days ago where she unblocked me on fb again and sent me an email saying 'hey why have you put (university name) on your fb, thought we both agreed not to'. When we were together we had family problems so we never put our uni's on fb incase of families finding out but I really don't see how that matters 6 months after breaking up. I ignored her email and 2 days later she poked me on fb. I ignored that too and a day later she messages me on fb saying the exact same thing as she did in her email. I ignored that also but what I did was put my settings to friends only so now she cant see the uni name, that was 2 days ago and I haven't heard anything from her. I'm really confused here. Thanks in advance to any help and advice given. Sorry again if it was too long.
EgoJoe Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Keep doing what you're doing and start reading alot here. I could provide you with some information but I think you might benefit more from self-discovery. You're on a good path for perspective so keep it up. Hint: She doesn't have a damn clue either.
Author Numb121 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 @ EgoJoe Thank you for that kind response. I feel good that I didn't respond to her latest email regarding the uni business, the poke and the message on fb saying the same thing. I felt good but at the same time was so curious to know why she was being persistent about the uni thing even though we've been broken up 6 months now. I can do what I like now right? Even though I didn't respond to her, I kinda responded in an indirect way by changing my settings to friends only so now she cannot see the uni name. I haven't heard anything since. A few friends were saying it was just an excuse for her to talk to me. What do you think?
TheDovic Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Hey Numb, I think your ex is confused about her feelings, so when she misses you she will be in touch, but when she thinks she's better off without you she won't be. Therefore maybe on your birthday she was sure breaking up was the right thing to do, yet on the date of your celebration she was having doubts again. This is perfectly normal, as people are rarely 100% sure breaking up is the right thing to do.
Author Numb121 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 @TheDovic Thank you for taking the time to read my story. What you say makes sense, I think she could be confused but 6 months later? I had no idea that this could happen half a year after breaking up. We were together a long time so I guess it is definately possible. What would you make of the recent contact from her regarding the uni name on my fb? Why the persistence? Would you say it was just an excuse for her to make contact? I hope I was clear about that part, if not please let me know and i'll try and explain it better lol.
TheDovic Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 @TheDovic Thank you for taking the time to read my story. What you say makes sense, I think she could be confused but 6 months later? I had no idea that this could happen half a year after breaking up. We were together a long time so I guess it is definately possible. What would you make of the recent contact from her regarding the uni name on my fb? Why the persistence? Would you say it was just an excuse for her to make contact? I hope I was clear about that part, if not please let me know and i'll try and explain it better lol. There's no set time to get over someone Numb. This time last year I ran into a girl who dumped me 6 years ago (we'd dated for 4 years prior to this) who was on her hen night. She cried the entire night after seeing me and told me she was still in love with me (despite the fact she had two kids and was getting married). So if she was still not over me 5 years on, then 6 months isn't a long time. With regard to the uni name, it is obviously just an excuse to contact you. It is completely random and unimportant, so in doing this she is trying to get your attention in a non-threatening way so she doesn't risk rejection. This doesn't mean she wants you back, but it means she probably still has feelings for you!
Author Numb121 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 Yeah you're right, there is no time set in getting over someone. I'm not fully over my ex either but i'm definately getting there. I still have feelings for her and to be honest I wouldn't mind getting back together but only if she was more clear about what she wanted. I forgot to also mention that she used the 'uni' excuse last time we broke up too but she had called me after 1 month of nc instead of the emails she's been doing recently. I'm beginning to think it was just an excuse for her to start a conversation with me now. How do you think she reacted by me not responding to her email poke and message but responding in an indirect way instead? Would you say I made a good move? I really didn't see any point in responding to her, if anything it kind of annoyed me.
TheDovic Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Yeh I do think it was a good move as it raises your value i.e. she can't just have you whenever she wants you. This is very attractive! However if you wouldn't mind getting back with her this isn't going to happen by doing nothing. Women tend to be indirect when they like someone and hope the man will pick up on her signal and be direct. So if you do want her back then maybe reply to her uni question. You are not giving in here, you are replying when you wanted to as opposed to the first time you saw it.
Author Numb121 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 That's it, that was the impression I was wanting to give off I hope I did. However, in regards to replying to her uni question, I already have in an indirect way by changing my settings so wouldn't replying to that question be a little pointless now? A few of my close friends have said she will definately contact me again at some point, so should I just take the chance and wait for her to email me? Would this drama she has created in the last couple of months be considered as head games? That's what it feels like to me but I could be wrong. The only reason why i'm not taking a further step here is because of my previous experience with her. The last time we broke up she called me after 1 month of nc asking about the uni thing, I told her exactly how I was feeling, that I still loved her and wanted to make it work. She replied and said sorry it's too late, I love you but i'm not in love with you. I was fine with that but a little confused. Then about half an hour later she says she is in love with me and wants to make it work. I don't want to put myself through that pain again because it seems like it may go that way. I feel as though her behaviour and attitude hasn't changed. I can just sense it from the vibes of the emails she sent me. Why would an ex be so confused half a year after breaking up?
TheDovic Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I already have in an indirect way by changing my settings so wouldn't replying to that question be a little pointless now? Maybe it would, so respond to the poke then. A few of my close friends have said she will definately contact me again at some point, so should I just take the chance and wait for her to email me? Maybe, as once again this will raise your value. However on the other hand she might think you've moved on and are happy so might never send another email. I think after 6 months it's ok for you to take the initiative. Would this drama she has created in the last couple of months be considered as head games? Yes, but you have to understand and accept that many women enjoy having drama in their lives. They are not attracted to the same things as us, that's why so many guys on this site complain about their girlfriends leaving them to go out with jerks. The reason they do this is because jerks bring out their emotions whether good or bad, and for some reason women appear to be attracted to this. Men on the other hand are more logical creatures and don't understand this drama, but if you want to be with someone you better learn to accept it! Why would an ex be so confused half a year after breaking up? Because she still has feelings for you, and nobody else she has met has measured up!
Author Numb121 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 Yeah a friend of mine said, ask her 'why did you poke me...is there something you need'? He then said watch what happens next. I'm not sure what he meant by that. To be honest though I can almost figure out what she'll say in response and it will be on the lines of 'yeah I just wanted to know why you put the uni name on your fb'. I think you make a valid point in that she may think i've moved on and i'm happy seeing as though I never replied to her recent attempts of communication. I really wished she was a little more open. Even though I broke it off with her, it's funny how she re-initiated the contact with me. I think that's because she might have finally realised she was at fault too and made many mistakes herself. Most of the time I was the one spilling out my feelings first trying to get us back together but I think she got used to that so this time round I really want to show her that i'm not that same person. I just wished she'd try harder, grrr lol. TheDovic you've been great man, thanks for the prompt replies so far. I would love to hear other people's opinions on this too.
TheDovic Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 One last thing then Numb. I don't agree with what your friend said about asking why she poked you. And even if she has realised the break up was her fault I wouldn't confront her about this either. Women want to believe they've been swept off their feet, they don't want to talk about anything logical, so unfortunately your best option is to play games with her until you feel she is signalling for you to make a move OR she tells you she was wrong and wants you back. Trust me dude, I know this isn't really fair but you're man, so man up!!! Do you think James Bond would ask why she poked him? No chance... he'd mess with her a bit, then get what he wanted!
Author Numb121 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 You make a good point man. Haha I like that bit about james bond, i'm actually laughing right now lol. So what do you think my next best move is? Lead me in the right dirction as i'm a little lost. I want to show her i'm much stronger, which i'm pretty sure I have but I don't want to come accross eager whatsoever. I remember once I told her I could never let her go and she replied saying that was my problem, i'm too weak! I hope I've showed her now.
Eddie Edirol Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Numb, Ill tell you why she was so persistent. When you put your uni name on your FB, all this time later, she thinks youre moving on and you dont need her anymore. She probably tried to date another guy, and it didnt work out, so shes just left with thinking of you. Doesnt mean she wants you back, but she doesnt want to think that youre happy while she isnt. She kept trying to contact you to see if you needed to hear form her. When you didnt, you basically slapped her in the face with rejection. So you did the right thing. Keep it up.
Author Numb121 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 Eddie thanks for your reply man, it's really nice to hear from other's that I made good choices. You know what, from the day she re-initiated contact me, she started playing games. 3 weeks after she had blocked me on fb again. I was confused thinking wait a minute, she's the one who emailed me first, now she's blocked me on fb, what gives? So I emailed her asking why and all she said was 'I don't know, i'm sorry I can't seem to make my mind up'. So she thinks she can email me asking something so stupid and irrelevant now about the university and expect a response. I'm glad I didn't reply. Probably the best move i've made yet.
trey28 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 man im going thru the same stuff dont let her get to you, just do the things you do, and more if you dont, start working out/ running that will help alot start eating healthy it will help your mind and make you feel better. and to be honest shes poking and stuff? blocking? sounds a little immature to me, and you could do better, dont think about her or go to her profile just think of how u can make yourself better, also dont vision about getting back with her its a tough one but u cant, i felt the same way about my ex before, this is not the only time it will happen but this kind of stuff makes you stronger. just stay positive man
Author Numb121 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 @Trey Hey man sorry to hear that you're going through something similar, I guess that's what these sites are for. To let out some steam and help each other out. You're right, that's exactly what i've been doing these last 6 months. I lost 3 stones in 3 1/2 months, not by depression but by changing my lifestyle and bad habits. I'm going gym regularly and going out with mates whenever possible. I haven't felt this good mentally and physically in a long time although i've still got a long way to go. The blocking/unblocking business really is immature but I guess its her way of trying to grab my attention. The last time she blocked me (1 month ago) I emailed her asking why and said 'if you are going to block me then keep me blocked if you unblock me keep me unblocked'. Now she unblocked me about 6 days ago. It's crazy!
Author Numb121 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 (edited) Hey all I forgot to add that when we were together my ex had stopped drinking alcohol after a discussion about how she doesn't really like it anyway and she wasn't a heavy drinker in the first place, so she said she could easily do it. As soon as we broke up, I saw pictures on her fb of her drinking alcohol, with big bottles and glasses, 1 picture even where she was looking tipsy. It hurt me but I thought wow, she's rebelling hardcore. Thing is since then, anytime she has unblocked me, on mutual friend's pictures I can see her comments about what alcoholic drink is nice and asking friends what they're drinking. I was just flicking through friend's pictures and saw a comment of hers two days ago asking what drink it is he's having. I just want to know, do you think this who she really is deep down? I really see a different girl in my eyes, not the loving, caring and warm person she once was with me. She knew I didn't like alcohol so for her to have pictures like that and commenting on friend's walls is a bit disrespectful right? Also my friend said 'seriously do you think she would have waited this long if she wanted you back? No way'. how true do you think this is? Sorry for waffling on, I really had to let this off my chest. Any responses appreciated. Thank you. Edited October 18, 2011 by Numb121
Author Numb121 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 She just poked me again :S. What is she playing at? Shall I just carry on ignoring it?
Eddie Edirol Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Hey all I just want to know, do you think this who she really is deep down? I really see a different girl in my eyes, not the loving, caring and warm person she once was with me. She knew I didn't like alcohol so for her to have pictures like that and commenting on friend's walls is a bit disrespectful right? Also my friend said 'seriously do you think she would have waited this long if she wanted you back? No way'. how true do you think this is? Sorry for waffling on, I really had to let this off my chest. Any responses appreciated. Thank you. Yes that is who she is deep down. She isnt what you wanted her to be. Your friend is right. If she wanted you back, she would have done it long ago. Shes not waiting for anything. And ignore her poke. Shes probably contacting you while shes drunk.
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