lost_in_the_sun Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Here’s my story… 6 months ago I found a IM my wife drafted to a guy she used to date in high school 20 years ago. She was telling him about how she was “taking care of herself” with her new toy. I confronted her and she says she will stop IMing him. Fast forward a week and I catch her again IMing him and she says she is just telling him good bye. Fast forward another month and I leave on a trip and she purchases a disposable phone and she says this time after me confronting her that I interrupted the last time she was telling him goodbye and she was apologizing this time to him and she would not talk to him again. Fast forward another 2 months and she is taking a day off work and I catch her doing a web cam sex chat to a guy. She says she did it to do something exciting. To explain a couple of items. I installed a hidden camera after finding the first IM issues. I saw her with the disposable phone texting him. I know I should not have but I did. I confronted her without telling her about the camera. When she took the day of I could see her “Taking care of herself” on the webcam and chatting with someone. I could not see who she was talking to. All while this is going on we are constantly fighting. She has no interest in sex with me. She is always tired and in a bad mood. What I want to know is what do I do now. She in now in counseling for anxieties issues and says she cannot work on “us” until she fixes herself. Should I wait it out and try marriage counseling when she has fixed herself? We have been married for 18 years and have 2 kids.
robf1971 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Here’s my story… 6 months ago I found a IM my wife drafted to a guy she used to date in high school 20 years ago. She was telling him about how she was “taking care of herself” with her new toy. I confronted her and she says she will stop IMing him. Fast forward a week and I catch her again IMing him and she says she is just telling him good bye. Fast forward another month and I leave on a trip and she purchases a disposable phone and she says this time after me confronting her that I interrupted the last time she was telling him goodbye and she was apologizing this time to him and she would not talk to him again. Fast forward another 2 months and she is taking a day off work and I catch her doing a web cam sex chat to a guy. She says she did it to do something exciting. To explain a couple of items. I installed a hidden camera after finding the first IM issues. I saw her with the disposable phone texting him. I know I should not have but I did. I confronted her without telling her about the camera. When she took the day of I could see her “Taking care of herself” on the webcam and chatting with someone. I could not see who she was talking to. All while this is going on we are constantly fighting. She has no interest in sex with me. She is always tired and in a bad mood. What I want to know is what do I do now. She in now in counseling for anxieties issues and says she cannot work on “us” until she fixes herself. Should I wait it out and try marriage counseling when she has fixed herself? We have been married for 18 years and have 2 kids. Pack her stuff in boxes, tell her, ' Wife, I get it now, you want to be with Other men, I've changed my mind, I want you to have that, so I've packed your stuff up and put it in the garage, I'll even help you move out' Let her go with a smile on your face
AudentesFortuna Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Completely agree with Rob. It's done. I too caught my wife with a disposable phone and even after she agreed to MC she still wanted the phone back. She was lying about the MC of course. From this point on you are competing against a fantasy and you will lose every time.
jaymz Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) Pack her stuff in boxes, tell her, ' Wife, I get it now, you want to be with Other men, I've changed my mind, I want you to have that, so I've packed your stuff up and put it in the garage, I'll even help you move out' Let her go with a smile on your face Best piece of advice you will get, I should have done this when I first got the ILUBNILWU speech. You are in a stage where you hope she will come back to you and everything will be ok, its just not going to happen. Accept that its over , do the above, file for divorce, get custody of the kids, do the 180 and see where you are in 3 months. Edited October 17, 2011 by jaymz
marqueemoon4 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I concur as well.. you're lucky to be getting this advice early. Sorry but your marriage is most likely done. It hurts like hell but you need to start protecting yourself and your kids NOW.
robf1971 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I concur as well.. you're lucky to be getting this advice early. Sorry but your marriage is most likely done. It hurts like hell but you need to start protecting yourself and your kids NOW. Yep, drop her like a 50 cigarette a day habit.
Author lost_in_the_sun Posted October 20, 2011 Author Posted October 20, 2011 Wow. Quite negative. Anyone have something to say that might be constructive??
marqueemoon4 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Wow. Quite negative. Anyone have something to say that might be constructive?? I know how you feel and you love your wife and don't want to hear it. I get it 150%. Unfortunately the type of behavior she is exhibiting is a huge red flag that she has checked out of the marriage. If she was committed to it she would want to do MC with you and do whatever necessary to improve things. Best thing you can do now is let her go and focus on you and your children. Maybe things.can work out but if you pressure/chase her it will make things worse. I'm really sorry you are going through this, its incredibly hard. Do your best to heed the advice of people who have been through it.
imagine Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 These thing can change. She will have to feel the pain of her actions. Expose her to family, friends, colleagesand ask for their help to save your marriage. Continue to snoop using keyloggers and keep a record. She will get very angry. You are doing the job of saving your marriage. Don't be afraid to say it! Then stop.
robf1971 Posted October 20, 2011 Posted October 20, 2011 Wow. Quite negative. Anyone have something to say that might be constructive?? We're not just being nasty, we've all been through this. To do what we suggest may sound negative but it's your best chance of getting her back. The fact is your wife has no respect for you anymore, without respect there can be no love. Women want a man who can stand up to them, it earns their respect.
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