bigdiddy Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Hey guys, so i would like to tell you my story and hopefully get some advice to what you all think. So i dated this girl for about 2 years and we took things really slow and truly feel in love, we were so happy and loved each other very much. The last couple of months are relationship started to get shaky. I graduated in may and was leaving the state to continue school while she had another year left in college. This was hard for me to leave because I loved her so much so i began to get a little selfish and wanted to spend as much time as i could with her before i left. She decided to live with some of her girl friends and two guys which she was familiar with but not very good friends. Being religious i don't agree with this especially the fact that i was going to be over 5 hours away and not wanting the fact that she was living with guys on my mind before i went to bed. We got in an argument because she never told her parents she was living with guys even though she already signed the lease so i pretty much made her tell her mom because i thought it was the right thing to do. Her mom was supposedly completely ok with it and i was shocked, she didn't even ask what they were like or anything not even how i felt bout it. Do to the fact that she was ok with it i was heated and got in an argument with my ex and said a bunch of things i shouldn't of so we didn't talk for a few weeks, i apologized and we made up. however I meet her roommates and did not like them as they were kind of douche bags. She insisted to live with them even though i told her i wasn't ok with it before she signed her lease. She would say that it works for her and already promised her friends she would live there and couldn't bad down. With all this on my mind and knowing that i was leaving soon, i would get confrontational whenever i drank and seem to bring up the situation anytime and we would argue about it. I was head over heels for her, so i would of done anything and dropped anything for her so it seemed silly in my mind she couldn't live with other friends. Around 3 months before i left she also started to work at a bar. This bar wasn't classy at all but she liked the attention and the money was good, and like she said "it worked for her". I wasnt so hot on this idea after her living situation. She owed her mom back some money for rent and i told her i would pick up more hours and give her mom what she owed so she would quit the bar job. I am very traditional and conservative guy and didn't like her working in a bar atmosphere and getting hit on by very college kid in the place. I helped her look up other jobs and even willing to help her with her resume and get a job that will help her in the future because she wanted to go to professional school as well. AFter all this she still couldn't understand why i didn't like her working at a bar. she would work till 2am then usually go to after hours and not call me till 3 or 4 on nights she worked. I honestly feel like she was just trying to fit in and be accepted by who she worked. So the night everything happened i got drunk and went back to her place liked planned however when i got there guy roommates were there which i wasn't thrilled about and she invited all her bar friends over for after hours and to have drinks, which at this point i was pissed. I did some things i should of done and tried to fight one of her guy roommates. Well this was the last straw i guess because we broke up the next day and she kept calling me discusting and too confrontational. I know i shouldnt of tried to fight him but she doesn't know how much she hurts me by working at a bar and living with guys, she thinks i should suck it up and be ok with it. but i could never and things kept popping up and before the last blow up it was my "last chance" so she said. The last few months we were together i took her on weekend getaways to show her how much i cared for her and even bought her expensive jewelry for her birthday which was before i left. I would of done anything for her and didn't care how much it cost or what people thought. but now since it happened i have left and we haven't talked for 3 months. besides 1 text she sent me awhile ago saying sorry it took so long to talk but we both needed time to get over the situation and says she definitely wants to be friends and hopes everything is well. well I've tried to talk to her and put peace between us and get full closure but no responses at all. I am much happier since the beginning of the break up and have asked nicely for her to just let me know how she feels deep inside and if nothing was to happen to us then let me know so i can have a clear mind and move on. I am a type of guy who likes to have one door shut before another opens. Still no response, I've even asked to just send back a simple text letting me know if we are done for good and nothing. At this point i don't know what to do. please let me know what you think? i am now a few states away in professional school and she is still in college. I almost feel as if she doesn't know what she wants right now and doesn't want to talk or tell me until she figures it out but I'm sick of no contact. Please let me know what you all think, anything helps!!
wilsonx Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Ahhh, There are a lot of things wrong I see with this. One of them being you. I can tell you that this is probably a GIGS breakup for a lot of reasons but you have to look at yourself as you are 3 months NC and in another state doing your own work. When you are in a relationship and something that your partner is doing that you do not like, this is where you set boundaries. "Hey (Girlfriends name), I really am uncomfortable with you living with 2 guy roommates, can we talk about this" Then you talk about it. From whatever happens from that conversation you have 2 options, accept the outcome, or leave. You were a hard core boundary crasher. You can't tell someone who they can and cant live with. You cant go to their parents afterwards because they are a grown adult. This is where you grow up. Communication and boundaries are the keys to successful relationships. She does not have to tell her parents who she lives with. Just because you have sound moral/religious boundaries doesnt mean you can push them onto other people. I am going to suggest that you got real jealous for some reason like she was starting to distance herself from you and you kept trying harder and harder. I think deep down inside you knew this breakup was coming and you were doing everything possible to avoid it. As for what to do now, continue NC and focus on yourself and only yourself
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