rebeccajones Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I have met 2 people overseas online who have remained friends for a while now. I am interested in living in another place so I will hopefully travel to meet them soon and for vacation. That is not really a problem. One problem is I have not been able to let anything evolve with anyone although I am trying, because I still think of my ex, how he was how we were at one time. Another question is men and sex. Is it normal for them to be thinking of it all the time? I want to meet these guys but I don't know if I'd have sex with them. I don't know how I would feel once meeting them. Also I am not interested in discussing it through email. Is that lame? they bring it up here and there and I don't get too far into it. is this being prude? Would any man be this way?
FitChick Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Where do you want to live? You just can't move to another country. Every country has immigration rules (except the USA or so it would seem). There are plenty of people in long distance relationships who only have sex when they meet every few weeks or months. Some haven't even met each other yet. Depends on how much the guy likes you and if he wants a serious relationship. Men can have sex with local women if they want to. You don't have to do anything if you don't want to do it and certainly not if you aren't attracted. At least go on a vacation and enjoy yourself. Who knows -- you may meet someone and it will "click" for both of you.
Author rebeccajones Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 Yea I of course would have to work all that out. That is what I will do go on vacay and just meet them and continue with my plans. I just find it annoying that they have to talk about sex.
thatone Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 you should be careful with these people. i've done long distance relationships and long distance dating here in the last couple of years, sometimes just hustling up a date online for a particular event i'm traveling to and once an actual relationship where i was going back and forth between two cities. it's not really an issue for me since i don't have a day job to go to anymore, and i like to travel anyway, but i've never put any sort of expectation on women i've met in other places just because i traveled to see them. so yeah, it's completely inappropriate on their part to be suggesting sex when you haven't even met them in person.
Author rebeccajones Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 Well its weird to me because I have not met them. They don't get vulgar but they bring it up and they both seem to be SO into me :|. I am looking for a good guy but I may not even be ready at this point and maybe I need to cut everyone off. I want to be excited about someone but no one is doing it for me. I am interested in this one guy who lives in a place that I love but I can't tell what he is looking for plus I have to meet him, and I will or can if I want, but it wont be for a few months. I guess we are keeping each other company. With both a I am beginning to talk with them on Skype.
carhill Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) My advice and experience would align with thatone, and I would be cautious about continuing with these men. Further, if contemplating a long-distance 'romance', refrain from investing in it until you and the man have met and interacted in person. For example, of the long distance relationships I've had and which became sexual, prior to and even when I first arrived in-country, it never occurred to me that the relationships would progress like that. Reason: the ladies were ostensibly unknown to me in the real sense of the word 'know'. We knew a lot about each other but we didn't 'know' each other. That happens in person. A lot of men these days are virtually sexual. I guess it's become normal, like virtual 'catcalls' that used to go on in the blue collar world I worked in when young. That doesn't mean it's something you have to respond positively to or tolerate if it doesn't match up with your style of interaction. Reading your last post, it sounds like you're leaning that way. Good for you. The world is full of potentials. ETA, most/many men 'think' about sex a fair amount; some often; some 'all the time'. What we think does not automatically drop onto our tongue. We make a choice, the same as we have control over what we do with an erection. Choice. Pick a man whose choices align with yours. Edited October 17, 2011 by carhill
Author rebeccajones Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 (edited) Carhill I like your advice and need to follow it. Going to do my best. I want a real relationship and I just don't know if I can have one with them at this point or if they also want the same. I would be willing to travel to meet others but I'm not willing to fall in love or get sexual beforehand. What for? I do think they are expressing their needs as men but I don't know what I will feel once I do meet with them. I'd rather just chat or skype with them as friends. Edited October 18, 2011 by rebeccajones
carhill Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 If the men like virtual chatting and flirting and banter and wish it to remain there in the virtual world and you feel likewise, that's one path. If other, other. I've met women who don't really want to have a real world relationship, rather a fantasy over the phone or via the internet. I'm more of 'press flesh' kind of person and don't do well with electrons as relationship atom builders. So, such women's styles and mine would be incompatible. I've allowed this incompatibility to exist from time to time over my lifetime, with usually unhealthy results. Decide what you want and be clear about it. If what you're hearing from them doesn't match up, then move on. Just like the electrons I'm putting on the page here, it's just virtual. You can choose how to interact with those electrons in any way which you find meaningful. Good luck
Author rebeccajones Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 Yes I see what you are saying. This is my first time trying to meet people overseas only because I think I'd like to move. I too am not interested in a virtual relationship. I will see how these two go. Carhill are you married? Just wondering.
carhill Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 (edited) I was married for ten years and have been legally divorced exactly a year now. I dated internationally prior to meeting my exW, which is where my anecdotes come from. Edited October 18, 2011 by carhill
Author rebeccajones Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 Pretty cool Carhill. I'd like to see those places. I plan to. Thanks for sharing.
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