sallyhurts Posted May 18, 2004 Posted May 18, 2004 I've beening dating my bf for about 7 months. Thru out this time, on occasion I will have a talk with him about how I am jealous about this girl or the next, almost every girl he has any regular contact with. I have never told him not to see these girls, nor have I yelled at him cuz of it. I always speak about it in a very rational manner and tell him that I understand his side, it just looks to me that he is flirting. Last week he had a long talk with me telling me that if this happens again, with these *irrational* thoughts of jealousy that he thinks it would be best to break up even though he loves me. My question is that do you have any advice on how to prevent myself from having these nagging jealous thoughts? I have low self-esteem, and i know that this has a major part to do with my jealousy, I need some help here...
Pyrannaste Posted May 18, 2004 Posted May 18, 2004 Were you always like this in the relationship? And in the previous relationships? How often do you tell him about your jealousy? And.....the most important question.....do you think he's *actually*flirting? What does your rational side says? Do you have any friends in common? Do they think he could be flirting?
Author sallyhurts Posted May 18, 2004 Author Posted May 18, 2004 yes I have been jealous in a previous relationship(ive only had two relationships thus far). but not as often as I find myself with my current bf. I have confronted him about his flirting around an average of about once ever 1-2 months. yes we do have common friends, and i ask my girlfriends if i'm being irrational in many of these situations, and they do agree with me saying that he is acting shady. but Ive talked to his guy friends before and he has a reputation of being a very honest upstanding person. very straightlaced. I dont believe he is cheating on me, I believe that he will find someone better and leave me. help please....
XNemesisX Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 We sound so much alike. I too, have always had a problem with jealousy though not to the extreme that I was until my last boyfriend. It may be part low self esteem, and part pride. When one gets cheated on, it makes you feel like such a fool and like the girl who he cheated on you with is probably laughing at you, or people are thinking you are stupid. It could be a mixture of both, in my opinion. Well, I do want to say that you should never ignore your gut feeling. I also wondered if I was being irrational about some "friends" my boyfriend had, and had a horrible gut feeling that something just wasn't adding up. And I was right. He was lying about who he was with and seeing his "friend" behind my back. Luckily, one of my own friends caught him red-handed one night. Not too much longer after that, I had a horrible gut feeling that something wasn't right when he said he was going to see a movie with his friend and his friend's girlfriend - and didn't ask me to go. Okay, so maybe that doesn't take too much of a gut feeling to figure out but anyway - later that night he calls and says he has a "headache" so he must stay all night there at his friends girlfriends place, with "just his friend and his friend's girlfriend". Well, ends up he was going out with the friends girlfriend's friend (like a double date type thing), getting drunk and messing around with this girl when he was supposed to be with his "just friends." There ended up being two occassions where he did stuff with this same girl behind my back. Before he left to go meet his "friends" he even told me he loved me and blew kisses at me as he got in the car. Knowing full well he was going to go cheat on me. Guys can be cruel. I would not automatically trust what he says going from my past experience. Guys can be really good liars and decievers. Also, your friends may also see things you don't. For them to agree he is being shady should also be taken into consideration. My friends also said that. You need to find out once and for all what is going on. Talk to your friends and come up with a way. Maybe have one of your prettier girl friends be somewhere where you know he is going to be, and go up to him and hit on him. See how he reacts. If your low self esteem is apparent to him, he may also think that even if he does get caught then you will forgive him and take him back since maybe you are unsure if you could get anyone better. Guys are good at these mind games. And the part about him saying he may break up with you if you don't stop with the jealousy? Been there done that too. But you just can't be too careful anymore. Do a little private investigating of your own and have your girl pals help ya. I hope that your guy is not as conniving, sneaky and cruel as mine was. He was such a good liar that he deserved an Academy Award for his performances. I hope this is not the case for you. Good luck.
77. Posted October 19, 2005 Posted October 19, 2005 Well in my eyes (a guy) if he is not willing to reassure you, then you have to think a little bit. I am having that problem now; I am one of the most jealous people you will ever hear from. But I do not have low self-esteem, I love her and I don’t want to loose her, that’s where my jealousy goes. I have a talk with her ever time I get jealous (2-3 times a week) and she reassures me and tells me she loves me. Ask him about it tell him that you just need reassurance.
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