Long Distance heartache and he's not even gone yet!!!!!!!!!

[whispering_willoww]

Been dating this guy for about 3 months. Over this period of time it has felt like 9 months or more. We have been with one another almost every single day, for some that may seem strange or smothering but it has been rather the opposite, we can't bare to be apart.

 

Found out last night he will be moving to Atlanta in about a month, it's job related so to speak. He wants to know how I feel about it, I don't want to discourage him but it is hard. I am a grown woman and cried my eyes out last night, didn't get any sleep, of course he really doesn't know all of that but nonetheless I have realized something. Eventhough we have only dated for about 3 months I think I have fallen in love with him. Didn't expect to, but it has happened.

 

I am trying so hard to be positive about this but it is killing me. He says it's only a 7 hr drive and we can go back and forth but it's discouraging to me. He has asked me if I want to go with him and at times has tried to convince me to do it, not to say I haven't considered it. But my life is here right now,my family, my career everything and I don't know if I am ready to leave that yet.

 

I think I have decided to see where we are in 6 months after the move to make a decision on what I will do.

 

I feel so sad that he is leaving and I feel that apart of me will be gone. I have never had such strong feelings towards someone before and that scares me too. I guess I am skeptical about how this will work out eventhough my heart is telling me to give it a shot. Is it possible to work out a long distance relationship with such a short period of time that proceeds it? [color=indigo][/color]

[capitald]

I don't believe in actual long distance relationships. I don't think its going to work for you. Find some one new or take the risk and move with him. To many people want to be cowards and ride the fence.

[sweetbilly]

I would like to give you some advice willow. I have been in two long distance relationships, so i may know a little about this. First, be sure you are in love, the heart and mind can work against each other sometimes; however, you will know when you are, trust me. Second, if you find that you are in love with this man i would advise against allowing him to leave, or leave with out you. Long distance relationships almost never seem to work out; they require too much maintenance. Like i said, i have been in two, the one i'm in now and the one previously. I was very much in love with the first one, (I still am) and that relationship lasted 9 years. however all the work i put into it was to no avail, the distance was simply just too far. She is now married, and i will regret the fact that i couldn't be there for the rest of my life. Sometimes we only get one chance for happiness, if this is your one chance DON'T PASS IT UP, but don't be too hasty in your decisions either. I wish you the best, lots of luck!

[whispering_willoww]

Saw him again last night and it's so hard for me to keep a straight face around him, i am so down about this. He says that the hardest part of this decision is knowing he would have to leave me. I know he still has reason to visit here because half of his family is here (the other half is in atlanta). I feel like apart of me will literally be gone when he leaves. He won't be leaving for about 3 weeks but if i feel like this now how am i going to feel when i see him leave, which i don't think i will be able to do. Any advice on how to cope with this will be appreciated. i mean i look at the fact that we have been together for such a short time, but yet it feels like so much longer. i know there are people out there that have LDR's and they don't even live on the same continent so to them 2 states away would be better than thousands of miles. i don't know what will happen between us and i guess it's the uncertainty that is so scary. Any advice is helpful.

[capitald]

My advice is that from here on out and this may be the scariest part of it all, you are going to have to figure this out on your own and make the decision on your own. I think that me and especially the fellow that spoke before really gave you the low down on LDR's, now you need to make the decision on what you will do on your own.

[whispering_willoww]

Well we have since had more time to talk about it and I think we will just give it a shot, it will definately be an adjustment, but I am really in love with him. I know that if it is meant for our relationship to work out, it will. After a little time has passed and if we are still together and our relationship progresses I will make a decision to move there or not. At the present time I can't make a hasty decision I do have my career to consider. Eventhough I am upset that he is leaving, I don't think I could stand it if I did not give it a chance. He seems to be more optimistic about it than I am and his family is hoping we will give it a shot. I am attached to him and his family so I feel this is really what I need to do.

[capitald]

i am glad that you have had the time to think about it, but i don't think three months is a long enough period of time to decide whether you should pack up your life and move for him. Why are you rushing? It seems like he and maybe you also are trying to put you in a bad situation. It just seems weird...why did he find you and then decide to move or perhaps if he had the idea of moving all along why did he decide to start something. I know life is capricious, but simply going with the wind can be dangerous. I am not saying this can't work, just that things are happening kind of fast and that makes me nervous. Whats the rush!!! Still, if he loves you, who am i to say that what you have isn't for real or won't last. Good luck to you.

[whispering_willoww]

Now I am not packing up my life and moving right now. We are going to see if a long distance relationship will work and THEN I will make a decision on what to do, could be 6 months could be a year or more I don't know. To shed a little light on the situation, we are both classical musicians. When I met him he was just getting back into playing the cello as I was getting back into classical singing. Both of our true passions lie in music and he has been offered a part time instructor job as well as a position with the symphony. I know this is something he cannot turn down because if it were me in the situation, I would be torn but more than likely I know I would have to give it a shot. Before he was offered these positions, I strongly encouraged him to continue playing and get himself out there again. He has played professionally for 9 years before having to stop and now he has begun again. I know it will be hard at first but I do fully understand his decision to take this offer. I think once I got over the initial shock I am going to have to figure out how to deal with this. My mom is in between on how she feels. She thinks it's sad we have met and now he is moving. I feel the same of course, I honestly having never done this before and have it work out, but I will give it a shot. It's just difficult to deal with right now since I have become so accustomed to him being around.

[capitald]

Wow, he seems like a real winner. Maybe you should hold onto him. High Culture music is a competitive field, he must be excellent at what he does. People like that don't come along everyday.

[whispering_willoww]

It's true they don't come along everyday and that's why I was not really expecting to have these feelings for him so strongly. He is a great guy and i can honestly say I have never met anyone like him in my life. i know alot of people say that but i do mean it. it is hard for me to picture my life without him in it in some way. This has and will be difficult for me as it will be him but I guess I still believe in dreams and fairytales to some extent. I guess we'll have to make sure we have ALOT of cell phone minutes lol. Thanks for your advice so far I do appreciate it. At the time I started to write this I felt as if my world was falling apart, but then I try to syke myself up and say it won't be that bad.. everyday I'm getting a little more optimistic but I'm still trying to make sure I stay grounded and not get caught up in the fantasy.

[capitald]

You are certainly driving me a little whacky. If its a fantasy and not reality, you won't be happy. Sometimes when things are too good to be true they are. You have to really be honest with yourself. I would see if he asks you to move in with him right away once he moves and offers to pay all the rent initially. Then you will know that you have a serious dude and not a fantasy.

[whispering_willoww]

Well that's just the thing, he has asked several times if I wanted to move nowbut I just kind of felt like we need to see how things go first and then I will probably relocate. When I say fantasy I mean there are several things for me to consider when choosing to make the decision to move. Granted I would love to spend every waking day with him, but at the same time my bills have to get paid too. i would never expect any man to take that burden on alone, that's just not fair, it is 2004 not 1964 While I don't believe he would have an issue with paying for anything but as I said I'm not the type of woman to expect that. I have my career to consider and I would need to find a job in that area, I need a little more that one month for that. I guess I'm just trying to be as level headed as possible. Now I did feel at first like I wanted to jet off with him, but I am a grown woman and have certain responsibilities I must consider. It still is hard to think about, but I guess it's getting better everyday.

[whispering_willoww]

Well just to give a little update, it looks as if I will be making my move as well. He really loves me and I love him, he says he would miss me too much to be without me, which is fine with me. I am going to look for jobs around that area and once I get something secured I will go. He says he knows this is a big step for me, it's not like he is local and asked me to move in with him, we are going to a completely different state. He says he would not ask me to go if he didn't feel that we can really work out. A LDR would be ok with him, but he knows like I do it's not the same. Now the only trouble is breaking the news to my family. My mother likes him quite a bit, but she will have a hard time adjusting to me leaving eventhough I think deep down inside she had a feeling this would happen. Wish me luck!! I may need it.