k100danny Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 so weve been broken up to months, i pushed her away from me with my jealousy and anxiety about us. i think that made her feel she couldnt handle the relationship or wasnt ready for one. anyway we have just met for coffee, first time we did was last week and we had a little chat about what went wrong but other than that kept it light and we chatted laughed ect and it was like old times. at the end i said we should do it again and she suggested a date and said she was looking forward to it. so we went for coffee today and kept it quite light, talking about her new place and how her work was going, she asked a few questions about me ect. she did make one comment saying she didnt think i was happy in the relationship and i said i was. so anyway we leave and i have a think to myself. was i happy? yes i was but i saw some things as a threat as i have an anxious attachment style so i acted out quite a bit. did i accept her? yes i did , i got on with her friends, her family ect. could i see myself with her in the future? yes. so i make the decision to ask her out. I send a text saying it was nice to see her today and this may be out of the blue. but id like to take her to dinner. i said that obviously i understand where things had gone wrong and i wasnt placing the blame, said i wasnt experienced in relationships but i feel if i didnt ask her this one time i may regret it. I also said that i respect if she has moved on or doesnt think we can work and if she wants to leave it at that it's fine im sure we can remain friends in the future. this is kind of watered down version but says most of the things. havent got a reply yet as she is out shopping but im not sure if i should have sent this? maybe if we did have a chance ive jumped in too fast and ruined it?
Chi townD Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) I take it that you want to try and work things out with her. If this is the case. Don't make that text soooo heavy. Just say, " I had a great time being with you today and I was wondering if I could take you to dinner and just have fun, nothing more than that." Keep it light, keep it simple and no talk about the past relationship. No talk about the break up, nothing. She's got to see that she can still have fun with you. Think of it as a modified 180 with her. Let her see that you can be fun to hang around. Edited October 17, 2011 by Chi townD
Author k100danny Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 youre right i maybe should have kept it a bit lighter, heart ruled my head i guess. after all im not asking for the old relationship back just to see if she thinks it is worth another try. I mayb rushed into this and will regret it although im not finding that im anxious or worried for a reply. it doesnt feel like im waiting or expecting anything but i guess i will find out when she replies. im 90% sure im expecting her to say she feels it wouldnt work in which case i will just have to remove myself from being friends with her for a while, as speaking to her isnt the most painful thing and when we had coffee we did have fun and laugh but id have to get every feeling out of my system before we could be true friends again.
Chi townD Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Soooo...are you looking to try and get back with her or trying to become friends with her? Your posts make it painfully obvious that you still have feelings for her. So, the friendship route won't work and you're wasting your time. Ball is in her court now. The moment you feel like you're being stringed along, cut the strings and move on.
Author k100danny Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 We were close friends before getting together and if we can't give it another go then yes id like to be friends in the future. My ideal thing would be for us to date again and maybe have the chance at a happy relationship as i feel we are a good match but im not sure if after everything either of us could feel the same as we did although i do have some feelings maybe after the break up i wouldnt be able to be that close again. She did say after we last met when i said i might need a bit of time because i still felt an attraction so i wasnt sure if we could be true friends until that had gone. she said that she thinks we will always have an attraction to each other but she said im sure we can keep our refrain from acting on it. I do see her as slightly a different person now and im not sure if we could make it work but i felt just asking this time and then if it isnt something she wants then thats ok i respect that, she can move on and i can move on knowing i tried and accepted my faults but it wasnt meant to be. I do feel a lot more relaxed than i thought i would though after sending it, i thought i would be anxiously awaiting a reply but i dont feel that way, and im expecting her truly to say it wont work and that doesnt seem to hurt. maybe it has hit me that im pining for something that isnt there anymore and it's finally starting to sink in. I dont feel awkward having sent it, i feel like ive asked a girl out thats all.
Author k100danny Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 so it's now 5 hours later and i have no reply to my message, maybe she didnt get it, maybe she is thinking, maybe she feels she doesnt want to reply to that. anyway during this time ive been doing some thinking, yes i miss her, id love for things to go back to how they were at the start as i feel i may have messed things up. but would i really be happy if she said ok lets give it another go? Im not sure i would. I think im missing the person who was so in love with me and we clearly arent there now. I dont think i could ever feel the same as i did or if i did i would always be thinking she didnt. I think im pining for the start of the realtionship where everything was happy and she really wanted to be with me. i think everyone can agree that is a great feeling. I was looking at her today and although i could remember this person i fell in love with and i was attracted to her it seemed like a different person altogether.
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