Shy/Inexperienced girl

[tb24]

I've been seeing this girl. She seems nice, she's quite pretty but she's terribly shy. I find her so difficult to read and she never makes eye contact. After 3 dates (the last which lasted over 12 hours, we ended up going to the zoo, out for dinner then to a nightclub) she's opening up a little more. However, I can't ever tell whether or not she's having a good time or even whether she likes me.

 

One thing she did admit to me was that she's never had a boyfriend (She's 20) and that does explain why she's not very confident and doesn't really know how to act. I'm not going to hold it against her though. I never had a girlfriend until I was 21 and I was probably just as bad. I've never been the more experienced one before, it's a strange feeling to me and I don't know how to handle it. She does seem very inexperienced. She mentioned she's dated 2 people but it never went anywhere. I don't know how far she's gone physically. We did kiss at the end of the 3rd date and I could tell she wasn't very experienced.

 

What do I do? Give her time? She's nice and I'd like to keep seeing her to see if it goes anywhere. I can't tell if it will because I don't know how much she likes me and I don't feel that close to her.

 

Do I keep seeing her and potentially lead her on then break her heart? That would be so awful! Or do I stop seeing her and leave her feeling like I didn't really give her a chance and wondering what she did wrong?

 

I don't really want to stop seeing her but I don't know if it will go anywhere... I like to hope it could but I'd need her to open up more. I'm just worried I'll hurt her... and I want to avoid that if it's possible. What do I do? Is there anything I can do to help her open up a bit more?

Edited October 17, 2011 by tb24

[january2011]

Talk to her. Say that you feel she's holding herself back sometimes when she's with you. Ask if there's anything wrong or if there's something that you can do to make her feel more comfortable. If she says nothing's wrong, ask her one more time if she's sure and that you'd really to know why she seems like she's holding back. If she insists then just leave it.

 

Some people take time to warm up. Even if they've had lots of dating experience. It's just their personality. If you like her, then why not give her chance to get to know you more? You've already had three long dates, which is a good sign that you get on with each other.

 

Regarding what you see as her inexperience, if that's a turn-off for you then it's a dealbreaker. If you're willing to look past it, just go with the flow. Sometimes it takes a while to get to know each other physically and there can be a bit of trial and error involved - not everyone kisses perfectly all the time. If there's a particular way that you like to be kissed, ask if she's tried it and show her.

[Pierre]

I've been seeing this girl. She seems nice, she's quite pretty but she's terribly shy. I find her so difficult to read and she never makes eye contact. After 3 dates (the last which lasted over 12 hours, we ended up going to the zoo, out for dinner then to a nightclub) she's opening up a little more. However, I can't ever tell whether or not she's having a good time or even whether she likes me.

 

One thing she did admit to me was that she's never had a boyfriend (She's 20) and that does explain why she's not very confident and doesn't really know how to act. I'm not going to hold it against her though. I never had a girlfriend until I was 21 and I was probably just as bad. I've never been the more experienced one before, it's a strange feeling to me and I don't know how to handle it. She does seem very inexperienced. She mentioned she's dated 2 people but it never went anywhere. I don't know how far she's gone physically. We did kiss at the end of the 3rd date and I could tell she wasn't very experienced.

 

What do I do? Give her time? She's nice and I'd like to keep seeing her to see if it goes anywhere. I can't tell if it will because I don't know how much she likes me and I don't feel that close to her.

 

Do I keep seeing her and potentially lead her on then break her heart? That would be so awful! Or do I stop seeing her and leave her feeling like I didn't really give her a chance and wondering what she did wrong?

 

I don't really want to stop seeing her but I don't know if it will go anywhere... I like to hope it could but I'd need her to open up more. I'm just worried I'll hurt her... and I want to avoid that if it's possible. What do I do? Is there anything I can do to help her open up a bit more?

 

 

Can you be more specific as to why her inexperience is an issue for you?

 

Would you rather have a highly experienced GF?

[KathyM]

I've been seeing this girl. She seems nice, she's quite pretty but she's terribly shy. I find her so difficult to read and she never makes eye contact. After 3 dates (the last which lasted over 12 hours, we ended up going to the zoo, out for dinner then to a nightclub) she's opening up a little more. However, I can't ever tell whether or not she's having a good time or even whether she likes me.

 

One thing she did admit to me was that she's never had a boyfriend (She's 20) and that does explain why she's not very confident and doesn't really know how to act. I'm not going to hold it against her though. I never had a girlfriend until I was 21 and I was probably just as bad. I've never been the more experienced one before, it's a strange feeling to me and I don't know how to handle it. She does seem very inexperienced. She mentioned she's dated 2 people but it never went anywhere. I don't know how far she's gone physically. We did kiss at the end of the 3rd date and I could tell she wasn't very experienced.

 

What do I do? Give her time? She's nice and I'd like to keep seeing her to see if it goes anywhere. I can't tell if it will because I don't know how much she likes me and I don't feel that close to her.

 

Do I keep seeing her and potentially lead her on then break her heart? That would be so awful! Or do I stop seeing her and leave her feeling like I didn't really give her a chance and wondering what she did wrong?

 

I don't really want to stop seeing her but I don't know if it will go anywhere... I like to hope it could but I'd need her to open up more. I'm just worried I'll hurt her... and I want to avoid that if it's possible. What do I do? Is there anything I can do to help her open up a bit more?

Shy people do open up more when they get to know you. Since she is very inexperienced in relationships, it may take a while before she feels comfortable enough with you to open up, but if you have the patience for it, it may be worth your while to wait and see what becomes of it. She will always be somewhat shy, though, so if that's not a dealbreaker for you, then you should continue with her and give it more time. Don't worry about a possible future breakup, since that is possible with all relationships. Just give it more time and I think she'll open up more as time goes on. And think of it this way, if you ever do end up together in the long term, you won't be one of those men that are always annoyed because their SO is always talking, won't shut up, and is grating on your nerves. She'll still be a little quiet and introspective.

[tb24]

It's not an issue at all! It doesn't bother me, I just mentioned it because it helps explain why she's quite so unsure about things. I don't mind it, I don't think it's a turn on or a turn off to be honest. I'm just a little out of my depth being the more experienced one, I've only ever had 2 girlfriends and both times they've been more experienced with relationships/dating than me.

 

The very reserved/shyness is a the issue for me. I find it hard to connect with her because of it. I'm willing to give her time, of course, I just wonder what the best way of moving forwards is

[KathyM]

It's not an issue at all! It doesn't bother me, I just mentioned it because it helps explain why she's quite so unsure about things. I don't mind it, I don't think it's a turn on or a turn off to be honest. I'm just a little out of my depth being the more experienced one, I've only ever had 2 girlfriends and both times they've been more experienced with relationships/dating than me.

 

The very reserved/shyness is a the issue for me. I find it hard to connect with her because of it. I'm willing to give her time, of course, I just wonder what the best way of moving forwards is

Continue to date her, and start asking her questions about things to get to know her better. I'm sure she'll respond to questions. Ask her what her goals are in life, what kind of job she hopes to have as a life career, what are her passions in life, what are her hobbies, etc. Ask her how she feels about various topics. You'll have to do a little more work to get to know her. She's not the type to tell her whole life story on the first few dates, and not the type to be outwardly opinionated, but I'm sure if you ask her questions about those things I mentioned and other topics, she'll gladly give you her perspective. That is how to get to know her better. Ask her questions about herself and her opinion about things. She's not likely to be very forthcoming with that on her own until she knows you better.

[StarryEyez88]

Its clear that besides this one minor setback..you really like this girl. I would suggest the same by telling you to give it time. The person I am with now has been my one and only partner (we started dating when we were 18 and now we're 23). I can remember being super nervous and unsure of myself when we first started seeing each because I knew he had much more experience than I did. But he was very sweet and patient about everything. Never once did I feel like I was being pushed into anything. We would lay in bed all night and just talk about anything and occassionally kiss. He made me feel very comfortable. If you already have feelings for this girl..give her the benefit of the doubt and give her time to break out of her shell. I wouldn't suggest taking things any further than kissing if down the road you find it too hard to connect with her though. This will only crush her if things reached that point and suddenly it ended. I was in a very similar situation..only I was on the other side of the fence But I have more trust and respect in my current boyfriend now than I ever did with any of my ex's. Simply because he genuinely cared about me and was willing to give it time. We have had a rock solid relationship ever since and are talking marriage

[Leegh]

It's a good sign that one date lasted over 12 hours! It sounds as if you like her. A question: in-between dates if you email and/or text her does she reply immediately? How do you keep up the communication in-between dates? Is she shy with emailing/text also? If she is more open with emailing/texting it could be that she really likes you a lot, and is just nervous when she's around you, which is a good sign. Usually when a girl does not like a guy she is not nervous being around him.

[tb24]

It's a good sign that one date lasted over 12 hours! It sounds as if you like her. A question: in-between dates if you email and/or text her does she reply immediately? How do you keep up the communication in-between dates? Is she shy with emailing/text also? If she is more open with emailing/texting it could be that she really likes you a lot, and is just nervous when she's around you, which is a good sign. Usually when a girl does not like a guy she is not nervous being around him.

 

When we first started talking online she was slow to respond (Like taking a couple of days). Since the 2nd date we've been talking daily and she responds very quickly. Anyway, I'm seeing her again on saturday, so that's good

 

She definitely seems more open and talkative in text/email.

[Pierre]

When we first started talking online she was slow to respond (Like taking a couple of days). Since the 2nd date we've been talking daily and she responds very quickly. Anyway, I'm seeing her again on saturday, so that's good

 

She definitely seems more open and talkative in text/email.

 

Dude:

 

It sounds great!

 

I hope you enjoy how great it is to date a woman that has no prior baggage and has no concept of stupid rules and games. Enjoy and treat her well, be a gentleman. Do not sleep with her if you feel she is not the one, you will end up hurting her very badly.