Summer Breeze Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Reading all the posts reminded me of something one of my aunts once told me. She said that one should never ever fall in love with an ambassador. She explained something to me as follows: When you meet a man you like, bear in mind that you are meeting an ambassador of that person ie. a representative and not the real man. He is on his best behavior trying to figure out what you like and don't like. The same thing you are basically doing. But if he's a player, he'll figure you out way before you do him. From then on, you'll never know the real him. The person who breaks the barrier and gets to the real person first has a very big advantage. As an OW, xMM only got to know my representative. He never saw the sides of me that my H saw. Stbxh rather. For example, I'm not a morning person unless I've had 9 hours uninterrupted sleep. Waking me up by slamming doors or turning on the TV, or asking me stupid questions like "Where are my gym shirts, socks, vests, etc, turned me into a wicked shrew. xMM never got that. I was always happy. No matter how late I slept, I'd be up early, excited to start the day. Weird, isn't it? xMM never knew how grumpy I got with newborn feeding schedules which are crazy as you know. He never saw me sick all through the pregnancy, hating his cologne, complaining that he wasn't there enough, throwing his friends out for being loud, drunk and obnoxious on weekday night. To date he doesn't know how I freak out over bathroom issues, how I can't stand messy closets and how I hate sharing towels regardless of who it is. My stbxh on the other hand knows all this. M truly proved to me that when you live with someone 24/7, inevitably, the representative act gets dropped leaving just you. Unless one is living with the WS for an extended period of time, isn't this really the infatuation/fantasy state of an A or even a R in which ambassadors abound? Interesting post. Something I'd like to tag on. Back in the day of marriage longevity-people didn't live together before M. They didnt have babies and feeding issues. They didn't have the opportunity to find out about how the other was in the morning or on days when their period was due. They had no idea how the other would react in stressful situations. Marriages lasted a long time back in the day. It was accepted that a couple would live 2 separate lives till they M and then they brought them together immediately. Not saying one is right and not saying that Ms were successful for any reason other than Ds weren't really an easy option. We don't really know though. Maybe the success was because of the beginning of the M.
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