bluebell Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Me and my partner have been together four years and have a child together. To cut a long story short things were great, we were loved up and had similar feeling about each other, life in general and what we wanted. He used to be so lovely but things have gotten so bad that I just don't know what to do anymore and fear splitting up is all I have left. I work part time and when im not working I spend my time keeping the house in order with housework and washing etc. My partner rarely has to do anything. The last few years he has become very distance. Sex is a huge issue as it rarely happens. Half the time I feel like im guilting him into it and its horrible. He says its because he has a low sex drive yet i've caught him watching porn on many occasions. Ive tried speaking to him about it but he lies through his teeth about it. He did this after I had our baby was born, despite me telling him that I wanted to be intimate he just wasn't interested in me at all and just watch porn behind my back. This really hurt and has knocked my self esteem. I cant even kiss him without him pulling away or not kissing me back. He doesnt like holding hands anymore of doing anything remotely couply. He doesnt spend much time with me anymore. He thinks being in the same house is classed as quality time together and thinks im pathetic for feeling lonely when im on own. Some weeks I spend upto 6 evenings on my own and I am unable to go out as im looking after our child. He's either out gigging or working. I just feel he doesn't love me anymore. He doesnt have the same urge to be close, be intimiate as I do. He used to be romantic all the time and now I dont even get anything on Valentines day. When I tell him I miss him, I get nothing back. Im currently suffering from a health condition, which, if it doesnt get better could end up in my loosing my job. Things like cleaning is really difficult for me as it aggrivates the situation. He doesnt help me out and leaves a trail of mess behind him. I spent hours scrubbing our oven which causes me pain whilst he sat doing nothing. He messed it up really bad and couldnt understand why I was frustrated. When I explained it was hard for me he said he wasnt bother and that it wasnt worth arguing about it. When we argue there is a lot of name calling but what gets me the most is that he says im mental and should be sectioned. He told me I have Biopolar, that im a slag, that I didn't deserve to have children (when I was pregnant). I feel I work so hard for us and our family and that all I get is a kick in the teeth. I will never be good enough or appreciated. I've told him so many times how unhappy I am and nothing changes. He won't talk to me, he won't listen and I just dont know what to do anymore and I feel I just can't cope living like this. He ignored me all night, all morning and has gone to work early. I asked him to stay and work it out but he went anyway. Ive asked him if he still wants to be together and given him the chance to get out but he always says he is happy. Please someone give me some advice
january2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 If he's open to it, I suggest couples therapy. You don't mention if he's also withdrawn from spending time with his child as well. If he has then I think something is very wrong. Given your health issue as well you really need some kind of support, it might be worth speaking to lawyer to see where you stand. Can you also get help from close family or friends with your domestic situation? The decision to leave him or not is a personal one that you need to make and I don't think anyone here can make it for you. I will say though, in my opinion, your situation sounds very desperate and can't go on for much longer.
Nic26 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 When we argue there is a lot of name calling but what gets me the most is that he says im mental and should be sectioned. He told me I have Biopolar, that im a slag, that I didn't deserve to have children (when I was pregnant). One word - RESPECT. You deserve nothing less. But it doesn't sound like he's showing any towards you. You can do better. He should be supportive of you, not name calling and putting you down. but he always says he is happy But are YOU happy?
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