Leegh Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I'm just curious how a married man can pull off meeting his girlfriend. Where does he tell his wife he is going? Wouldn't his wife get very suspicious if he's out of the house for several hours on a regular basis? Obviously the married man would need at least several hours out of the house to take his girlfriend to dinner, etc. How do the married men (or married women) have dates with their love interest without their spouse getting suspicious? I'm single, but I'm just curious how they have the energy for it, especially if they have kids.
beenburned Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Leegh, You sound young and naive about affairs and MM. The majority of affairs are about MM getting extra sex on the side without the wife finding out and divorcing them. The MM I know of personally had sex with the OW at work(in their cars in the work parking lot), either directly before, or directly after regular working hours, and on their lunch hours. The MM who even cheat on the weekends use sports events, hobbies, home depot/shopping to steal an hour or two.
Radagast Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 My ex-wife was not interested in where I was or what I was doing. I did not have to give her any excuses. I was free to wine and dine my beloved and to travel extensively with her. My time was my own, unless I had to play taxi for the kids.
bentnotbroken Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I'm just curious how a married man can pull off meeting his girlfriend. Where does he tell his wife he is going? Wouldn't his wife get very suspicious if he's out of the house for several hours on a regular basis? Obviously the married man would need at least several hours out of the house to take his girlfriend to dinner, etc. How do the married men (or married women) have dates with their love interest without their spouse getting suspicious? I'm single, but I'm just curious how they have the energy for it, especially if they have kids. In my situation the affair was conducted mainly during work hours. He had a job with very flexible hours, extended travel and job provided phone and laptop. He also was active in community and church. He had hobbies that he enjoyed. I trusted him...I had no reason to be suspicious. If he said he were on a business trip(as I knew the nature of his job and what it required)why would I doubt him? If he said he had a late meeting with a contractor, why would I doubt him? If he said he was at church or a fraternity meeting, why would I doubt him? But some of what I know now is yes there were hotel rooms, but there was sex in parking lots(really romantic huh?), using the kids as a cover(:sick:great parents weren't they?) and the homes of friends and family(way to take advantage of everyone who trusts you). As far as energy, Mr. Messy didn't do a whole lot with the kids anyway(that was my job:rolleyes:). Doing what I was supposed to do(and what he was supposed to do)allowed him to carry on for years. What better set up can one have. A wife that you know is always with the kids(so you know where she is at all times...dentist, doctor, school function, carpool), a job that allows freedom to come and go as you please and an OW who is ready to roll when you are. Ahhh, that must have been the life.
Lostinlife4now Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Hi Leegh! My xMM travels the world constantly. He is climbing the corporate ladder. He would just tell her he had to leave early on a business trip, come and see me, or dinners with clients.....She was home with the kids.....he was out with me....I really don't think she cared, as long as he was bringing home the $$$.
Lostinlife4now Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Thinking she did not care about him but just the money is an easy excuse to try to alleviate your guilt. You do not know that about her and had no right to go there. Hi Kristismiles! Yes I do know this about her. Not trying to alleviate any guilt. Just speaking the truth.
Summer Breeze Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I don't actually know what he told her. We did dinners out, social functions with some of his friends and most of mine. We had weekends away. I do know there were a few times when he'd made arrangements to do things with me and my plans changed. I don't know what he did, if he said things changed or what but he was never really thrilled with me about it. My xH met his OW/nowW at work. He was very close to his brothers and I was close to their wives and I can't pinpoint any time at all when there was a lie for time. He did the child care after he got out of work too. The work itself and the area would have made it very difficult to do anything there. Not to mention the fact I worked there too in an adjoining department. Sometimes I wonder if it was 99.9% emotional.
mzdolphin Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I'm just curious how a married man can pull off meeting his girlfriend. Where does he tell his wife he is going? Wouldn't his wife get very suspicious if he's out of the house for several hours on a regular basis? Obviously the married man would need at least several hours out of the house to take his girlfriend to dinner, etc. How do the married men (or married women) have dates with their love interest without their spouse getting suspicious? I'm single, but I'm just curious how they have the energy for it, especially if they have kids. There is no one answer. If he sees the girlfriend once a week he could say he's off to the gym. In my case the MM lived in another state from wife so he didn't have to explain anything. He carried on like a single available man. When I was married, my ex husband had retired at a young age (41) was home every day. Had dinner with the family every night, helped the kids with homework, was involved with community everything. Because he didn't have a girlfriend and was hooking up with folks during the day, I could see how this would be easy.
mzdolphin Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Hi Leegh! My xMM travels the world constantly. He is climbing the corporate ladder. He would just tell her he had to leave early on a business trip, come and see me, or dinners with clients.....She was home with the kids.....he was out with me....I really don't think she cared, as long as he was bringing home the $$$. My exMM travels a lot too. He would also leave early and spend time with me. He would also claim to be meeting a friend in the area, one the wife knew. He would say roll into town, spend the day and night with me and on his way out of town spend 20 minutes with the friend to cover. I think his friend, male, may have helped him cover too. Some friend huh. I know he often asked me to join him on business trips, sometimes for the entire week. I had a key to the hotel, etc. That is why I suggest BS ask for hotel room number. One day just show up, if it's not too far and say, I'm in town and wanted to give you heads up that I'm dropping by the hotel. I was actually shocked at how carefree this guy was after I found out he was married. He wasn't acting sneaky at all. We went to dinner, he invited me to events he was working, purchased things for my son, sent me checks with his home address on it (the home he shares with his wife). I guess cheaters are skilled liars so who knows what type of stories they come up with.
bentnotbroken Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Hi Leegh! My xMM travels the world constantly. He is climbing the corporate ladder. He would just tell her he had to leave early on a business trip, come and see me, or dinners with clients.....She was home with the kids.....he was out with me....I really don't think she cared, as long as he was bringing home the $$$. Oh really?:confused:You know this how? What was she supposed to say? "Honey I really wish you wouldn't go to work to take care of our family. We can live on love alone." Hogwash.
KathyM Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 In my situation the affair was conducted mainly during work hours. He had a job with very flexible hours, extended travel and job provided phone and laptop. He also was active in community and church. He had hobbies that he enjoyed. I trusted him...I had no reason to be suspicious. If he said he were on a business trip(as I knew the nature of his job and what it required)why would I doubt him? If he said he had a late meeting with a contractor, why would I doubt him? If he said he was at church or a fraternity meeting, why would I doubt him? But some of what I know now is yes there were hotel rooms, but there was sex in parking lots(really romantic huh?), using the kids as a cover(:sick:great parents weren't they?) and the homes of friends and family(way to take advantage of everyone who trusts you). As far as energy, Mr. Messy didn't do a whole lot with the kids anyway(that was my job:rolleyes:). Doing what I was supposed to do(and what he was supposed to do)allowed him to carry on for years. What better set up can one have. A wife that you know is always with the kids(so you know where she is at all times...dentist, doctor, school function, carpool), a job that allows freedom to come and go as you please and an OW who is ready to roll when you are. Ahhh, that must have been the life. I'll never be able to fathom how people can go to church and pretend to be a Godly person, and then go cheat on their spouse outside of church. I would think that most cheaters would stop going to church because they can't deal with the guilt and hypocrisy, and since God knows exactly what they are doing, I would think they would not have the gaul to show up there. I actually did know a woman who went right from a Christian women's meeting to dates with her MM. (I didn't know she was doing that at the time. I went with her to those women's meetings. I never had a clue she was meeting her MM afterwards.) It's just so hypocritical, I don't know how they can mentally deal with that.
2sure Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Having heard the nonsense stories from both MM and from my exH...the best way to have an affair is with a MM that works out of town often. My exH saw several OW and none of them knew anything about him, including his real name, although he had a secret suite in another city. When I was OW to MM, I would not bother having an affair with a man that did not have the time and financial freedom to go on short "business" trips without risking suspicion. I have read here about OW having affairs with MM in which, I guess, the MM comes to her house when he can get free for an hour or two. Its all crap of course, but that scenerio sounds to me like the saddest. Unless OW is just looking for quick sex herself...then it would work. Probably work best if both AP are married.
confusedinkansas Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Not all folks having affairs have children to deal with. In my case - we were/are empty nesters. Hubby'd go do his thing on the weekend (usually golf & hang with the drinkin' buddies) & I'd go meet my AP. (AKA: Shopping) Husband also traveled quite extensively for work at that time. Of course that made it even easier. IF someone is bound & determined to meet someone......they DO figure out a way. Just is what it is.
Lostinlife4now Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Of course you do. You know all about his marriege and his relationship with her because he told you so... No Because She told me so!
Lostinlife4now Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Wow so you were doing it with your friends husband? Nice. No she was not my friend, a very long ago acquaintance, and NO I AM NOT DOING IT WITH xMM...... You need to Relax.......
mzdolphin Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 ROFL! Romantic, ain't it? :lmao: I've also seen alot of posts mentioning the MM stopping by the OW's house for half an hour or 40 minutes and usually having sex with her before hastily washing her scent off him and rushing back home to the wife and family. Or I'll read about how they met in the park for a quickie, or in a parking lot or a field somewhere. Then there's always the standard backseat of his SUV. LOL..and these women actually brag about this sh*t. Like getting laid on a Tuesday night while his wife thinks he's at his bowling league tournament is something I'd brag about. Hell, I'd be utterly humiliated for setting for so little. Those are pretty pathetic situations you describe. But even if the MM does wine and dine you it's nothing to brag about. I didn't know my exMM was married. He said he was divorced. But we played golf, tennis, went out to dinner. I stayed at his place he stayed at mine. It seemed normal. When I found out he was married, I was devastated, it didn't matter to me how many events we went to or how much money he was spending or how many gifts he bought me. He was married and I was heart broken. But he did live in another state from the wife so that gave him more opportunity to lie and carry on with ease. I can't imagine accepting fly by night sex and hookups by the hour from a single man. To me this isn't even about cheating men, it's about what is acceptable behavior from a guy you're in a romantic relationship with. I just dumped a single guy, highly educated, well off, because he never planned anything. I got so tired of having to do all the planning in the relationship. He wasn't a bad guy, it was one of those "He's just not that into you." Although he swore he was crazy about me, I just moved on. So you have to decide how you want to be treated, whether the man is married or not. And sneaky, sleezy hotel sex and drive by romance should be unacceptable regardless.
PaperClip81 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 A good friend of mine was seeing an MM for over a year. They work together so she has told me that at first, a lot of their meeting up was in the car at work during lunch. She would also meet him in random places for sex (e.g. the parking lot of the sports field where his children were practicing). However, most of the time it was really easy for them because she lives in her own apartment, so he'd tell his wife he was going to the gym and my friend and he would just meet there. They never could go on "dates" because the wife may have found out.
linwood Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 I'm just curious how a married man can pull off meeting his girlfriend. Where does he tell his wife he is going? Wouldn't his wife get very suspicious if he's out of the house for several hours on a regular basis? Obviously the married man would need at least several hours out of the house to take his girlfriend to dinner, etc. How do the married men (or married women) have dates with their love interest without their spouse getting suspicious? I'm single, but I'm just curious how they have the energy for it, especially if they have kids. A lot of times the BS doesn`t know or care when or how long the WS is gone. Could be a reason for the problems in the first place.
bentnotbroken Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 A lot of times the BS doesn`t know or care when or how long the WS is gone. Could be a reason for the problems in the first place. And a lot of times BS doesn't know because they are lied to...could be a reason for problems in the first place.
bentnotbroken Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 A good friend of mine was seeing an MM for over a year. They work together so she has told me that at first, a lot of their meeting up was in the car at work during lunch. She would also meet him in random places for sex (e.g. the parking lot of the sports field where his children were practicing). However, most of the time it was really easy for them because she lives in her own apartment, so he'd tell his wife he was going to the gym and my friend and he would just meet there. They never could go on "dates" because the wife may have found out. This is great dad material.
PaperClip81 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Haha for sure! Can you imagine if the kids happened to see the car and walked over?
bentnotbroken Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Haha for sure! Can you imagine if the kids happened to see the car and walked over? Yes, I can imagine. One of my children saw their father with the OW and the emotional turmoil they have had to deal with since that time has been nothing short of cruel and unusual punishment. :mad:
mzdolphin Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Oh, I totally agree with you, MzDolphin. And you're STILL my hero for dumping your lying MM and telling his wife what he'd done! Thanks. Life is complicated but some things are simple. If you can't call your man freely, go out with him freely, share your relationship freely with your friends and family, meet his family and friends, then you don't have a solid relationship. Doesn't matter if he's married or single. Who wants THAT?
PaperClip81 Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 This post is EXACTLY what I meant - no squiring around town for the OW. No romantic candlelit dinners and dancing till the wee hours or jetting off to the Cape for an overnighter. It's mostly just meeting up for hurried sex in the car (gag), in a sports field somewhere (gag), or at her apartment if she's single. Damn. That's HARDLY the stuff dreams are made of. So gross and creepy. From what she told us (her friends) he would use all sorts of lies to his wife: at the gym, working late, out with work friends. The whole situation is just so outrageous that we wondered how his wife did not know. For example, they would text CONSTANTLY. No matter the time of day or night. I mean if you see your husband texting someone all day and night aren't you going to ask about it or at least be curious to look at the phone?
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