SugarHoney Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I've been doing better lately and having fewer really sad moments. But my ex keeps sending me these breadcrumbs every week or so and it got me thinking again, what's the point?? I know people have been over this sort of thing many times on here, but it still confuses me. I mean, if you really want to move on, why still send messages to your ex or worse talk to them as if you were still in a relationship? I know the motivation is typically some sort of ego boost or possibly a dumper's confusion as to what they really want shining through, but if they want you out of their life, if they really want to move on, what is the point of sending all the breadcrumbs??
Mack05 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Here is a good thread on breadcrumbs -> http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=301440 and my reply in that thread is below.. I think one of three things go through a dumpers mind after a break-up.. 1) For one reason or another they are glad it's over. They have wanted the breakup for awhile and there is a sense of relief now that the relationship is over. The probably have no interest in being friends (some do as they have completely emotionally detached). 2) You have a big fight and in the heat of the moment you break-up. After a few days reflection the Dumper realises they have made a HUGE mistake. This is one of my own personal biggest flaws (reacting without thinking in a big fight). Sometimes the dumpee forgives you when you beg them to take you back, sometimes they say enough is enough as you have pushed them too far (the dumpee will ask to be left alone). Either way Dovic (if given the opportunity) the dumper will make it VERY VERY clear that they made a mistake and they will have no problem begging for another chance. 3) The dumper will be in a confused state after the breakup. Facing the word alone sucks. They have to face what's called the 'Fear'. Many people in their 30's after a breakup/time apart will get back together and try make a relationship work, because they are afraid of being alone. They are afraid they will never meet a person like their ex. The thing is, many times their ex is actually not the right person for them. People kid themselves, I will change, my ex will change, anything to avoid this 'fear' of being alone. These relationships tend to fail in the long run. Right now your ex is in a confused state. She is not happy in her own life. When you are not happy it's impossible to be in a relationship with anybody (I wish this point would sink in with you). Not only that, when you are alone and unhappy you reach out to your safety net. A person that makes you feel safe and secure. This is what is called 'The breadcrumb'. You don't know if you want to get back with your ex. What you know is that you miss them, you turn to them because you are sad and lonely. Would she turn to you if she was out having fun with her mates, if her job was going well and was happy overall in her life? Hell no!!!The ex's that give out breadcrumbs are not happy in their own lives, but are not sure if they ever want to get back together. They will yoyo and flip/flop day to day. One minute they think they might want to get back together, the next day they are sure they made the right choice. That is why getting back with an ex who is clearly in a confused state ends up being heartbreaking 99% of the time.
TLCbear Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I know the motivation is typically some sort of ego boost or possibly a dumper's confusion as to what they really want shining through, but if they want you out of their life, if they really want to move on, what is the point of sending all the breadcrumbs?? I totally agree with Mack05. There are plenty of reasons why this happens, but mostly it's usually because of an ego boost...trying to see where your head is, boredom and being lonely, or when they are not happy with their life. Sometimes it could be as simple as they actually missing you...remember dumpers have feelings too and usually at some point in time will go through the same 4 or 5 stages dumpees go through after a break up...it's just how one deals with it. It's the same with life problems, we all have them, but we all deal with them differently.
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