jean2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 et me give some background info first: C and i have know each other since preschool, but we didnt become good friends until the 9th grade. the summer after 9th grade we started dating. we had our ups and downs but it was mostly a very good relationship that ended after two years because we would be about 3 hours away from each other when college started. C and i both did some crazy things while being single, and tried to move on. now, D and I have been very good friends since the 7th grade. i am best friends with his sister. ive always had that secret best friends brother crush on him and when C and i broke up he was there for me, and cares about me a lot. big problem: C and D are very close friends. recently, C and i began talking again a few weeks ago. he misses me a lot and wants to get back together. i explained to him that a lot of things had to change before i would consider dating him again, but he is being really amazing about everything and trying really hard to work things out. i told D that i was talking to C again to which he replied, "C is a very good friend, but i just saw him make you upset and everything else that happened and i dont want to see that happen to you again." D's mom told me that D likes me. upon questioning him, he confirmed. ive made list after list of pros and cons... and they're both so equal. the two of them are very alike actually. a relationship with D would be easier since hes only 10 minutes away, but C and i have such a history... both of them are looking for long-term committed relationships. i know both of them very well and hate the thought of hurting one. please tell me what to do?! sooo confused and dont know what to do. please help me!!! -K
Author jean2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 extra note: there hasnt been pressure from either of them to pick one. but C doesnt know about the situation with D. i have some time to wait things out, but what should i be doing to help my decision?
creighton0123 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 They can't both be equal. I would go with D if D is willing and if C has no problem with you dating a close friend of his. You just started attending college by the sound of it. A long distance relationship in college is not easy. You'll be much happier being able to see and touch your boyfriend. History aside, you and C broke up for a reason (distance). That reason is still there.
Author jean2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 History aside, you and C broke up for a reason (distance). That reason is still there. yes i know... thank you, your whole post is really helpful, but... the distance thing has become surprisingly easy. we see each other every two weeks. we've been taking turns visiting so we each only have to drive the distance once a month. and we skype 2 to 3 times a week and text everyday. i guess the biggest issue... is, do i go for the guy who i used to have deep feelings for, certain they will resurface? or do i move on to something new with someone i could also see myself with?
Sake3838 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 With what the previous guy said in the post.. I think is the best solution however.. you cant rely on someone else to tell you who to date.. this is your decision.. theres nothing anyone can say that SHOULD influence who you choose. But I wouldnt wait too long because its not fair to them.. however if you do insist on weighing your options on other peoples opinions .. I would personally pick D, as long as his sister (ur best friend) is ok with it. Because he has always been there for you and you've never given him a chance. C has gotten a chance before
Lucky_One Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 the distance thing has become surprisingly easy. we see each other every two weeks. we've been taking turns visiting so we each only have to drive the distance once a month. and we skype 2 to 3 times a week and text everyday. You aren't really "broken up", are you? You just haven't made it "FB official". If you are going to see him, and if you are taking turns driving every two weeks so that you only do the drive once a month, and if you are skyping all the time and texting constantly, then you are ALREADY back with him. If C and D were such good friends, then D would have already known that C and you were hooking up every other weekend. Your response to Creighton is telling. You want to be with C, or you wouldn't have immediately explained how easy it was to see C, justifying getting back together with him.
Author jean2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 C and i are broken up. there have been no hook ups of any kind except a hug here and there. and we've been seeing each other because he wants to work things out. im not sure that that is what i want. i feel like maybe he should get a chance... but he had the chance before and screwed it up. and D helped me through all the rough times in that relationship. and the break up.
Confusedbroken Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 You are probably not going to like my opinion but here it is anyway. Pick C!!! D has not told you how he feels about you and until he does don't do anything! You and D are good friends if you get together and it doesn't work out it is really really hard to get that amazing friendship that you have!!!! I have a really good guy friend and at one point I did like him and at one point he did like me but we didn't do anything about it because we don't want to lose the friendship!!! Sometimes it's just not the same with the person when you are in a relationship as oppose to a friendship.
Author jean2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 but D HAS told me how he feels about me
HeavenOrHell Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Are you in love with both of them or neither of them, or one of them? Who can you imagine settling down with, and still being with in 40 years time?! What does your heart say? Who do you feel most passionate about, feel the most love for? Or do you truly like them both equally? Imagine being without one of them, which would feel worse, to be without C, or D?
david.bentley Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 i would go person D. in my experience, going back out with ex's doesn't end well. and it will be much more effort in keeping a commited relationship with person C because he lives 400km away. but that's me. best of luck though with whoever you choose
Author jean2011 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 i could imagine being with either of them forever. thats what makes it so difficult to decide. if i picked D, then i dont think C would want a friendship with me or anything. the last time we broke up we were NC for a while. but its so hard to imagine him not in my life since he's been there constantly for so long. if i picked C, then D would understand. but thats something that makes him so great, he'll still be there for me.
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