SamIam91 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Hey everyone, hope you all are doing well this evening I've been reading this forum for a while a friend of mine actually sent me the site. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place I don't know if I am over reacting or what but please give your most honest advice. ::BACK STORY:: So this guy and I have been talking via Skype since early August of 2011 and we have never actually met face to face because he's in KY and I am in CA but we Skype, text and talk on the phone everyday besides the weekends with good reason of course. He is in the Army and the only time he gets to go out, and enjoy himself. Only time I text or do a skype call is if he sends it first. Because he is in the Army and was deployed he suffers from a form of PTSD which causes him to have nightmares (which is why we sleep on skype together) and daily struggles. He gets angry very easily and sometimes takes the stress out on me through arguements but he is trying to work on that. He knows of the struggles I go through daily because of my past and he is slowly beginning to open up about his. (Tough upbringing with our parents. The drugs, the abuse and the alcohol. You name it and its there). This has caused me major trust issues, and causes me to jump to conclusions and assume this has also caused him to never want to open up, and a lot of the relationship type issues he has. He has a daughter, and was previously married but is divorced. I should also add in that during the time we were talking he did find someone near by and we started talking less and less, and for a few weeks cut contact. It wasn't until I moved back to CA from NJ that we began talking more that I found out they didn't work out. I know this is true. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- He knew for a long time that I liked him and in his own words he said: [HIM] i have seen it. i just dont say anything. i play hard to get sometimes. its just me. and you wouldnt want me anyways. I did indeed argue the point and in a way shut down and let it go after asking what he meant in which he replied. [HIM] cause im worthless and im deff not a good bf Not long after that he allowed his true feelings to show and it turned out everything I was feeling he was as well. He told me he wanted to be with me and loves me. Anyway lately we seem to clash and argue about just about anything but truthfully he pushes me to speak my mind and the same vice versa when things are good with us we're great. He sings to me (Horribly) and my heart melts. I love every little thing about him even the problems he has. I see him for the good person he is even when he doesn't and I do my best to overlook anything that would normally piss me off when it comes to him because I honestly DON'T want to change him. Not long ago we clashed again and this was not long after he spoke his true feelings to me and it was all because I said his best friend was no longer my fav person. ** CONVO GOES AS FOLLOWED** [HIM] ya guess i should be ur fav person at some point escpecially after our talk yesterday but im not [ME] you are but as i said i learned not to fight and argue the point if someone wants to go let em go sooo if i laugh its cause i think your funny and your joking but if your serious im not gonna argue with you to stay i cant force anyone to do anything against there will soo its something you need to accept [HIM] i wanna be with u sam but like i said before u would rather hang out and talk to other ppl [ME] dont make me throw myself under the bus let me ask you something [ME] what do you expect of me and dont say NOTHING cause clearly you do the same way i expect from you [HIM] after all weve talked about i expect u to want to be with me talk to me like u want to be with me i expect u to actually tell me u like me [ME] Oh really.. well thats gonna take time i do want to be with you but you need to understand that for me to full on tell you i want that wont happen i need to know i can expect the same.. cause its kinda sad when you tell someone Well i love you and theres no one else i rather be with then you and then them not share the same thought and feeling makes you feel pretty much alone. [HIM] i do wana be with you and i do love you [ME] I love you too and i wanna be with you as well but that doesnt stop me from being scared when your away im afraid to act that way with you. You never gave me a reason to be afraid so dont think that but its my past that still scares me. [HIM] why are you scared? [ME] because everything ive ever loved and cared for was taken away from me, or walked away because as i said numerous times before im damaged i have problems that probably will never go away but as time goes on you learn to accept that and no one ive ever been with wants that, so what makes this time so different [HIM] because u may have problems and may be damaged but im willing to work with damaged cause i am too. Anyway (This is turning really long) a few weeks ago I sent him a naked picture, and more recently we did the do's on cam and had Phone S*X the same night. I ended up getting a new phone yesterday and when I texted him saying " Babe I just got a new phone, this is my new number " and didn't get a reply. Its been 24 hours and then some and still nothing. I haven't tried calling or texting again because I don't want to be a nag. I then found out via facebook and only because someone posted where they was and tagged him did I know he was still out and about but what bothered me about that post was because it read.. " One very happy girl with: [HIM] and two others]. He works tomorrow so I know if I don't hear from him then something is wrong.. I want to know though what do you get out of all of this am I over reacting? Is it worth it.? Any advice is appreciated. I'll update you all tomorrow as to whether or not we talked. I still want to know your opinions either way Thanks for reading, Sorry its so long. Any questions feel free to ask.
befreckled Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 The devil is in the details? or not. I'd like to preface this by saying that I am in no way expecting you to justify the relationship, how valid it is, how real it feels etc. Based on what I've read - I think regardless of what's been said, how much time has been spent communicating, it's difficult to determine if this is a relationship that will work, solely on skype and text. In this case, if there is something wrong. There is so so much that goes on that isn't translated into words. A simple touch can fizzle out someone's anger in a heartbeat. Right now, what comes across as you are a convenient option - you are there. In a normal situation - there is no reason why someone should not reply within 24hours. Especially if the person cares and treats you equally. No reason. I think unless you decide to meet, you are better off not wasting your efforts and emotions on someone online.
jean2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 personally, i would try to facebook message him or somehting too. but just the phone message and the fbook message. nothing else. then it shows you made an effort to communicate, but you aren't being clingy. wait for him to contact you. if you happen to be waiting a ridiculous amount of time (days) then feel free to ask him if he fell off the earth. hope this helps a little!
creighton0123 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 It seems that the two of you both have a significant amount of work to do on yourselves to the point where you both are not ready for a relationship, none-the-less a long distance relationship. You have all of the negative experiences from your past that you need to work through, most definitely with the guidance of a good counselor. He has PTSD and the added chance that he could receive a Stop-Loss. All in all, the two of you have moved wayyyy too fast having never met in person. You have only been talking for 2 months....
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