perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 He is now officially dating that other girl... Here is my story if you are interested: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t301193/ I have been on NC for about two weeks now, and I have been in the process of letting go, but hearing this piece of news crushed me...I just don't feel good enough anymore. I gave all I could, but he threw it in my face and just chose another girl who will never love him a fraction of how much I love him
ChelseaLS Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 You've got to remember that you deserve to be loved fully. He wasn't reciprocating the love you gave him. You will find someone that will reciprocate that love, and one day you will be relieved that you have moved on and let him go.
mike588 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 He is now officially dating that other girl... Here is my story if you are interested: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t301193/ I have been on NC for about two weeks now, and I have been in the process of letting go, but hearing this piece of news crushed me...I just don't feel good enough anymore. I gave all I could, but he threw it in my face and just chose another girl who will never love him a fraction of how much I love him I know what your going thru and feel your pain. I also gave it all to my now ex. g/f who dumped me for her ex. Iv'e been in N.C. for 7 weeks now and I know how difficult is but you have to continue it. Letting go is so very difficult when you loved someone so much but I and others will tell you is does get better,, it really does! You will have good days and bad days during your healing and that is normal. Best of luck, keep us posted. Hang in there
TheDovic Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I personally think he's a douchebag for sleeping with her in the first place, but I honestly believe he's only with her because she's pregnant. Whatever his reason you deserve better than this though!
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 I personally think he's a douchebag for sleeping with her in the first place, but I honestly believe he's only with her because she's pregnant. Whatever his reason you deserve better than this though! she isnt pregnant?
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 I know what your going thru and feel your pain. I also gave it all to my now ex. g/f who dumped me for her ex. Iv'e been in N.C. for 7 weeks now and I know how difficult is but you have to continue it. Letting go is so very difficult when you loved someone so much but I and others will tell you is does get better,, it really does! You will have good days and bad days during your healing and that is normal. Best of luck, keep us posted. Hang in there It is okay, I know letting go is what is best for him and I both. No matter what, I will love him regardless because I love him unconditionally. He just shattered my trust completely and IF he ever tried to come back into my life down the line, he would have to work really damn hard for me to even consider opening up to him again. But until that happens, if it does, I just want to let go, forgive, and move forward.
TheDovic Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 she isnt pregnant? Oops, my mistake! Did he not tell you recently he loved you?
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 Oops, my mistake! Did he not tell you recently he loved you? I explained everything in my story I posted. He told me still cared about me a lot and blah blah blah then hugged me and wouldn't let me go and kissed my forehead like he always use to because he knows I love that. I dunno anymore...
TheDovic Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I explained everything in my story I posted. He told me still cared about me a lot and blah blah blah then hugged me and wouldn't let me go and kissed my forehead like he always use to because he knows I love that. I dunno anymore... Yeh I remember now, sorry I got your story mixed up with someone elses. So unfair to tell you that when he had decided to move on. I'm sure you're devastated! I don't want to give false hope, but she could be a rebound and you know these relationships appear to be perfect and loving, but they almost always fall apart because they're not real and aren't built on solid enough foundations. I hope this is true in your case, but if it is and he does come crawling back, then remember the hurt he has caused you.
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 Yeh I remember now, sorry I got your story mixed up with someone elses. So unfair to tell you that when he had decided to move on. I'm sure you're devastated! I don't want to give false hope, but she could be a rebound and you know these relationships appear to be perfect and loving, but they almost always fall apart because they're not real and aren't built on solid enough foundations. I hope this is true in your case, but if it is and he does come crawling back, then remember the hurt he has caused you. well we have been broken up since december, but off and on talking and fighting and hatred...he did date another girl two months after we broke up but it only lasted a month. this whole deal started up over summer and that is where the story comes in...idk if it is a rebound because it has been so long ya know?
TheDovic Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I read somewhere recently that it's always a rebound if they've been together for a shorter period of time than they were with their ex. I'm not sure if I believe this though. I think it all comes down to whether or not the person in question has fully grieved and is over their ex. Do you think he's fully over you?
Misar7 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I was gonna reply to this and say I know how you feel hun, I was with my ex for about 8 1/2 yrs and he DID get his other woman pregnant within the first 2 weeks of dating! That is the most crushing thing ever! Been 2 1/2 months now! I have no good advice on how to move on or feel better...as I am still struggling. But I feel your pain! I see Dovic got us mixed up, and yes Dovic he is a douche!
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 I read somewhere recently that it's always a rebound if they've been together for a shorter period of time than they were with their ex. I'm not sure if I believe this though. I think it all comes down to whether or not the person in question has fully grieved and is over their ex. Do you think he's fully over you? In all honestly, I am not sure. When we started talking again he would text me out of the blue, ask my opinion on stuff like clothes, wanted me to go watch his tournaments and contests, call me beautiful, kiss me goodbye, kiss my forehead, etc...but as of right now, I guess I should assume he is over me right? I mean he chose that girl over me for a reason.
TheDovic Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 In all honestly, I am not sure. When we started talking again he would text me out of the blue, ask my opinion on stuff like clothes, wanted me to go watch his tournaments and contests, call me beautiful, kiss me goodbye, kiss my forehead, etc...but as of right now, I guess I should assume he is over me right? I mean he chose that girl over me for a reason. Doesn't mean he made the right decision though! For me if he was acting this way around you then he isn't over you so there is always hope. I know a lot of people call these types of behaviour breadcrumbs (and I suppose this is correct), but for me they come out of indecision in the dumpers mind. So just because he's with her it doesn't mean it will last and it doesn't mean he is over you. I was gonna reply to this and say I know how you feel hun, I was with my ex for about 8 1/2 yrs and he DID get his other woman pregnant within the first 2 weeks of dating! That is the most crushing thing ever! Been 2 1/2 months now! I have no good advice on how to move on or feel better...as I am still struggling. But I feel your pain! I see Dovic got us mixed up, and yes Dovic he is a douche! Hey Misar, I think it was the profile photo's that confused me. From what I remember of yours, you aren't dissimilar to Perfectlyflawed. Hope all is well with you!
Misar7 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Hey Misar, I think it was the profile photo's that confused me. From what I remember of yours, you aren't dissimilar to Perfectlyflawed. Hope all is well with you! I can see what you mean there is a similarity. lol Things are as twisted as always! :/ What can I say.. As far as the ex claiming to still have strong feelings or care..well yea I don't know what that is all about, or what they truly mean when they say and do those things! My ex did it to me last Sunday! Although, I have not heard a word from him since. Who knows what they are doing or why! Wish I could tell you PerfectlyFlawed. For you there may very well be a chance for a turn around and for you two to end up back together. As long as he don't get her pregnant!
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 Doesn't mean he made the right decision though! For me if he was acting this way around you then he isn't over you so there is always hope. I know a lot of people call these types of behaviour breadcrumbs (and I suppose this is correct), but for me they come out of indecision in the dumpers mind. So just because he's with her it doesn't mean it will last and it doesn't mean he is over you. Hey Misar, I think it was the profile photo's that confused me. From what I remember of yours, you aren't dissimilar to Perfectlyflawed. Hope all is well with you! I mean I thought so too...but we started losing touch because schools started and we both got really busy. I harped on him to stay in contact and tried to see him but our schedules wouldn't meet and in the end, we got back into our routine where we would fight, then be good, then fight again. He pointed this out to me and it crushed me because I promised myself that I wouldn't allow things to fall back to the way they use to. How do I know he hasn't completely given up on me? I mean we went through this a few times and in the end we both end up talking again, but then we fight again, then make up. We have given each other so many chances already, what if this was my last shot? Also, him and I have never been in full NC before, just always off and on talking and stuff. Maybe that is a factor?
Mallow Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Don't feel like you're not enough for him, you put a large amount of effort, you gave it your all. It's his loss. Stick to NC and surround yourself with people who care about you, practice your hobbies. It'll be tough for awhile, but as days go by it will be much easier. Never allow yourself to be someone's second choice, you can be someone's first. You deserve better.
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 I was gonna reply to this and say I know how you feel hun, I was with my ex for about 8 1/2 yrs and he DID get his other woman pregnant within the first 2 weeks of dating! That is the most crushing thing ever! Been 2 1/2 months now! I have no good advice on how to move on or feel better...as I am still struggling. But I feel your pain! I see Dovic got us mixed up, and yes Dovic he is a douche! Omg I couldn't even imagine how painful that is...I am so sorry to hear that I wish you the best, try to think positive and focus on the positive aspects in life. He made a huge mistake doing that, and he has to pay for it for the rest of his life.
wilsonx Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 So I am going to derail this thread a bit... What attracts loving people like you OP =) I always get the broken beaten down girls with the emotional baggage of a dreamliner. They are drawn to me like white on rice!
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 Don't feel like you're not enough for him, you put a large amount of effort, you gave it your all. It's his loss. Stick to NC and surround yourself with people who care about you, practice your hobbies. It'll be tough for awhile, but as days go by it will be much easier. Never allow yourself to be someone's second choice, you can be someone's first. You deserve better. Thank you. It is just hard. I miss and I love him, but he for sure shattered my trust and it is going to take me a long time before I am able to forgive and let go of all this. Maybe one day he will realize how terrible he was, or maybe not, but regardless, I want to move on from all this and heal.
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 Hey Misar, I think it was the profile photo's that confused me. From what I remember of yours, you aren't dissimilar to Perfectlyflawed. Hope all is well with you! I can see what you mean there is a similarity. lol Things are as twisted as always! :/ What can I say.. As far as the ex claiming to still have strong feelings or care..well yea I don't know what that is all about, or what they truly mean when they say and do those things! My ex did it to me last Sunday! Although, I have not heard a word from him since. Who knows what they are doing or why! Wish I could tell you PerfectlyFlawed. For you there may very well be a chance for a turn around and for you two to end up back together. As long as he don't get her pregnant! Do you honestly think there is his hope for him and I? Idk what to believe anymore with him...I just know complete separation from will be a good thing for him and I. He better not knock her up, I would be so crushed if he did! He will regret what he has done once he realizes that isn't even the woman he wants to be with forever and he is going to have to suffer with this for the rest of his life. Tell me, if he did come running back, would you take him back regardless of the child? Or is this a complete deal breaker for you
Misar7 Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) There may very well be a good chance for you, best thing is to go full NC, and go on with your life, if he really misses you or realizes anything it will be when you are no longer available to him, and are holding your head high once again. So only time will tell. Even date, nothing serious but you know just hang out. What I keep telling myself is, he made the choice to walk away and get with someone else. It was his choice, if he wanted to be with me he would be, he is of free will! Keep that in mind! My ex and I had not seen or spoken in 2 months I went full NC right away and so did he. I honestly never thought I would hear from him again, as I was told by everyone how happy he was now, how in love he was now. Then he starting msging me last Thursday, Friday, and Saturday..which I ignored them for 3 days, then said he needed to see me in person because he owes me an apology, so I replied! So I went and he basically said he was so deeply sorry for messing everything up and hurting me so badly, if he could go back in time he would. That he knows I hate him and have every right too. He said he still had strong feelings for me, that I should be the one having his baby not her. He said he made this bed and now he has to lie in it. But truth is, once again it comes to choice, he does not have to be with her just because she accidentally got pregnant, when it was nothing more than a fling and it was within 1 week of hanging out. She made the choice as a woman to sleep with a stranger she had just met. He owes her nothing, just as she owes him nothing, they barely know each other. The only thing is just caring for the child. But, he is in a relationship with her now, and his whole family is now her friend. He is getting a place for them together to live in a few months. I still do not know what the point of it was, him wanting me to come around, and why he felt the need to tell me he still had feelings for me, and that he wanted me to have his baby still. But I have not heard a word from him since that night! And I will NOT contact him! Edited October 17, 2011 by Misar7
wilsonx Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I still do not know what the point of it was, him wanting me to come around, and why he felt the need to tell me he still had feelings for me, and that he wanted me to have his baby still. But I have not heard a word from him since that night! And I will NOT contact him! Pure guilt for himself, thats why he wanted to talk to you and apologize. He loves her more, I havent read your story but I think there was something going on longer then one week. I think he might have gaslit you into thinking it was a short thing for a single week. I dont buy it from an emotionally mature person point of view.
Author perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 There may very well be a good chance for you, best thing is to go full NC, and go on with your life, if he really misses you or realizes anything it will be when you are no longer available to him, and are holding your head high once again. So only time will tell. Even date, nothing serious but you know just hang out. What I keep telling myself is, he made the choice to walk away and get with someone else. It was his choice, if he wanted to be with me he would be, he is of free will! Keep that in mind! My ex and I had not seen or spoken in 2 months I went full NC right away and so did he. I honestly never thought I would hear from him again, as I was told by everyone how happy he was now, how in love he was now. Then he starting msging me last Thursday, Friday, and Saturday..which I ignored them for 3 days, then said he needed to see me in person because he owes me an apology, so I replied! So I went and he basically said he was so deeply sorry for messing everything up and hurting me so badly, if he could go back in time he would. That he knows I hate him and have every right too. He said he still had strong feelings for me, that I should be the one having his baby not her. He said he made this bed and now he has to lie in it. But truth is, once again it comes to choice, he does not have to be with her just because she accidentally got pregnant, when it was nothing more than a fling and it was within 1 week of hanging out. She made the choice as a woman to sleep with a stranger she had just met. He owes her nothing, just as she owes him nothing, they barely know each other. The only thing is just caring for the child. But, he is in a relationship with her now, and his whole family is now her friend. He is getting a place for them together to live in a few months. I still do not know what the point of it was, him wanting me to come around, and why he felt the need to tell me he still had feelings for me, and that he wanted me to have his baby still. But I have not heard a word from him since that night! And I will NOT contact him! I very well intend on not speaking with him for a very long time. I need time to let go, forgive, and move on that is for sure. I think it will be good because we can finally be fully apart and I won't have to see him everyday anymore. And you are very right about that, it was his choice! I am coming to accept that every passing day, but sometimes it still gets me that someone other girl gets to be with him and not me ya know? Oh my goodness I could not even imagine how that felt to go through all that. I do think it is good he realized how much of a dumbass he has been and I really admire how you have stood up to your ex now matter how much it hurts and how much you love him. I am hoping in time I will gain that same courage IF my ex ever decides to come back because he has hurt and shattered my trust. He just caused you and himself so much unhappiness, now he has to suffer the concequences. I would take comfort knowing that he still loves me and that he isn't truely happy with that girl. You never know what the future may bring, but all we can both do is move forward. We both gotta stay strong with that NC!! I do have a hunch that my ex's new relationship is based strongly around sex, I mean from what I have heard, those two are always going at it in public. He was never like that with me, he was way more respectful. And I also know that that girl smokes like it is her job and has a "non committing" attitude, whatever that means. Oh and she also slept with his best friend over the summer, after only knowing him for a few weeks. Regardless, I am assuming he really likes her because I don't wanna give myself false hope, but sometimes I question how someone can really fall for someone who is like that.
Misar7 Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Pure guilt for himself, thats why he wanted to talk to you and apologize. He loves her more, I havent read your story but I think there was something going on longer then one week. I think he might have gaslit you into thinking it was a short thing for a single week. I dont buy it from an emotionally mature person point of view. You may be right, well we were together for almost 9 yrs. and he showed no signs of being with anyone else until a week that he got with her. She is the one who said not to me but to others, that she met him in early August. He told me that night with fake tears in his eyes I assume now. That the condom broke and he didn't wanna be with her. It was just sex, and he had no intentions of ever actually being with her. He is not paying for any of the medical bills though, she had to get on that program where you get it all free. This girl is 11 yrs younger than me, was a party girl and has been telling ppl she is trying to enjoy being pregnant but is bored now that she can't drink and smoke out. He tried to sleep with me that night I was there. Ugh. Anyways, who knows! He then said numerous times as I as was trying to leave that he would gladly get me pregnant, as he wants me to be the mother of his child. Really? Whatever! I am not gonna try to figure him out!
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