allie_lgh Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 so after a break up, second chance and yet another terrible fight ending the relationship again it's come to this. My bf of almost 5 yrs and I are living still together in our 2 bedroom apt (different rms and only till one of us can move out) but I feel miles apart. I was the bad guy in the break up. We had another drunken fight and I took it too far so he left me. Since then I've stopped drinking and told him that I wanted to have things change and cut out the alcohol to make it happen...to save the relationship. He said he didn't give a **** and that he didn't have any effort or chances left. Since we broke up I've stayed with my no drinking, he's been doing nothing but. It's crazy how much not drinking has changed for me. For the first time ever I can see how destructive how we were living really was through watching him drown. He's miserable because of the break and can only drink to make it feel ok. He sat on facebook for 8 hrs straight 3 times this week drinking alone. Came home last night at 5:30 am piss drunk. He's taken this to such an extreme to mask his pain and anger. I've pretty much stuck to NC for the last 2 weeks which seems to be giving me the space I need. I know that being the bad guy and not wanting the relationship to be over should have me in pieces right now, but I can't even see the person under all the **** right not to even chase after. Has anyone ever delbt with this? Wanting so badly to fix a broken relationship but at the same time really questioning if it's a wise or healthy idea? please any advice or insight would be really helpful...I'm so confused in all of this...
TheDovic Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Hey Allie, I don't have personal experience of alcoholism, but I am a social worker and work with people on a daily basis who have addictions. Furthermore my ex is a perfectionist and a workoholic (this doesn't sound serious, but she works 80 / 90 hours per week!) so I have some idea. I personally would like to believe there's hope for both you and I, although from a professional standpoint I think we could be fooling ourselves. Addictions are extremely difficult to overcome, and even with all the best supports, there will be no change unless the addict is motivated. So right now your relationship would not work as there is nothing you can do to change him, and without change if you got back together you would likely end up again where you are right now! In short, your relationship might be salvageable, but only if he seeks help and is motivated to change!
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