Eve Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Didn't read the article. Too busy living. Take care, Eve x
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Apparently not too busy to get in some snide little comment though!
Author Woggle Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 When you have it happen to you and most women you know at the time seem to turn against you then you will understand why stuff like this gets to me. I was once one of those men who even hated porn and denounced strip clubs yet when a woman I loved betrayed me most women I know pretty much helped her try to destroy me. That is why I regret not going wild during that trip to New Orleans. While my friends were sinning like there was no tomorrow I was eating jambalaya and listening to a jazz band waiting for them to finish. Meanwhile back in New Jersey my ex was screwing everything in sight. Don't you think this might make a man rethink how he sees gender issues?
serial muse Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) When you have it happen to you and most women you know at the time seem to turn against you then you will understand why stuff like this gets to me. I was once one of those men who even hated porn and denounced strip clubs yet when a woman I loved betrayed me most women I know pretty much helped her try to destroy me. That is why I regret not going wild during that trip to New Orleans. While my friends were sinning like there was no tomorrow I was eating jambalaya and listening to a jazz band waiting for them to finish. Meanwhile back in New Jersey my ex was screwing everything in sight. Don't you think this might make a man rethink how he sees gender issues? No. Because I have a deadbeat Dad who used to beat up on my mom and an exH who cheated all over the place and blamed me for it. And yet, I don't blame "Men" or "manhood" for their BS. I blame those two guys, and them alone. I don't start a bunch of BS threads about why I don't trust men and ask for people to validate that. It's childish. How about you do the same. This forum is FULL of people dealing with similar issues, Woggle. That's why we're all here. You are NOT the only person who's been screwed over. No more bullshxt. Get yourself in hand. Edited October 17, 2011 by serial muse
Author Woggle Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 What people here should understand is that that experience changed my entire worldview. It was almost like being born again. There is Woggle before divorce and Woggle after divorce. How am I supposed to undo all of that?
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 No. Because I have a deadbeat Dad who used to beat up on my mom and an exH who cheated all over the place and blamed me for it. And yet, I don't blame "Men" or "manhood" for their BS. I blame those two guys, and them alone. I don't start a bunch of BS threads about why I don't trust men and ask for people to validate that. It's childish. How about you do the same. This forum is FULL of people dealing with similar issues, Woggle. That's why we're all here. You are NOT the only person who's been screwed over. No more bullshxt. Get yourself in hand. This is why Woggle's self indulgent posts anger and offend me, if I let them. So, so very self indulgent. Completely ignoring the FACT that his audience is teeming with WOMEN who have had bad experiences (yes, maybe even more horrid than yours - Woggle) at the hands of men. Rape victims, incest survivors, sexual harassment survivors (yeah, yeah, I know, there is a giant contingent of you guys who "don't believe" in sexual harassment. No need to remind me), women with cheating husbands, women in physically abusive relationships, women who believed PUA b.s. - we're all here, reading day after day about how this one man feels justified in trashing all women because of HIS bad experiences. Meanwhile, are WE doing anything like this? NO. Because it's no way to live. And it's unfair and ugly. Like the other poster said above, Woggle - you are much more LIKE the poster who you linked to than you are different. Again, you ARE the problem.
dreamingoftigers Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 No. I am just sick and tired of being told to give up this hatred when nobody ever tells women to stop hating men. This is the same crap I got from many women I know offline after my ex cheated on me even though I turned down temptation countless times for her. I even refused to go to a strip club with the boys on a trip halfway across the country out of respect for her but still I deserved it when she screwed half the town while I was at work because I as a man was getting a taste of my own medicine. I wish I did go to that strip club and I wish I did cheat on her when she cut me off for nearly a year. If am going to be serving the sentence regardless might as well commit the crime. EMDR is probably the only thing that is going to break this traumatic loop for you and put it into context. I haven't posted since early September but actually came out of hiding just to inform you that you are very heavily/easily triggered by anything even remotely resembling the situation with your mother or ex. It's become part of your "survival mode" to be forever vigilant against that threat. However, you are putting a ton of mental and emotional energy into something that you have limited control over and it is eating away what could be great and joyous time in your life. Truly: are all women of the belief that cheating on men is okay and empowering? Are they? Is your wife one of those that believes that? Are all women trying to disempower men? Are we trying to punish them? Is there a possibility that these set of beliefs may be false, or absurd or only true in certain cases? How does this belief serve you? Has the person or people who instilled this belief in you shown themselves to be worth following? Are they worth imitating? What does it cost you? What kind of time and effort does it cost you? What does it cost you emotionally? What does it cost you physically? What does it cost you financially? How does affect friends and family in your life and what does it cost them? Only you know the answers to these questions. Some beliefs are not worth the time, energy and pain it takes to reinforce them.
dreamingoftigers Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 What people here should understand is that that experience changed my entire worldview. It was almost like being born again. There is Woggle before divorce and Woggle after divorce. How am I supposed to undo all of that? By realizing that you have the power inside you to create your own worldview that isn't dominated by others, especially the two most dysfunctional women in your life and others that think like them. I will be very blunt: The experiences I have had with my father and husband have shaped me in ways that have changed parts of me forever. (experiences with my husband grew exponentially worse over the summer and I have not posted up what has happened because I am so humiliated that I ever had one ounce of faith in him to right by us, ever). Truth be told, I will always be on watch for them and don't at this point feel comfortable entering into another relationship. I believe that j have found the dark side to men and I don't like it. There are some ways I can view it and focus on it: 1. I can consider myself a victim. I can use my experiences to be promiscuous or adulterous (why not, if all of you guys do it anyways, right?) 2. I can consider myself a survivor/hero. I can laud my great and noble character and judge those whose behaviour has fallen short. 3. I can simply be someone that recognizes the stupid relationship patterns I got into because of my own dysfunctional thinking patterns and work to resolve them. This way I can be healthy and as free as possible from allowing those patterns to hold my life hostage in any way. What happened to me should not define my life. The fact that I married a man at 23 that has very severe mental, relational and foundational issues will not consume my identity or worth as a person because I will not let it. I have more to offer the world then judgment on a "gender" or group of people. I also have more to offer then to let their actions beat me down for the rest of my life. So do you. Once the patterns get broken (and you have quite the pattern my friend) you will be truly free. I am not a qualified therapist but I would bet my entire life's savings that your mother was/is a narcissist and your ex was a sexual addict. Female sexual addicts are especially messed in the head. I can assure you. She couldn't have put together a loving relationship if it was 6 Lego blocks and in-colour instructions. Are you going to let these people define womankind for you? Or are you going to get off your ass, unplug the computer and go interact with real women and find out how our hearts break just as often if not more? Often by the exact same behaviours that affect you: cheating, abuse, addiction, isolation and shaming but perhaps in different orders. If you prick us, do we not bleed?
dreamingoftigers Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Woggle, instead of throwing that deep and insecure part of your heart on the internet for us to smack you with giant cod: share it with your wife. You could give her no greater gift then telling her that you are so afraid of losing her love that it has eaten you up inside. Then let her know how much you value her and are grateful for her being by her side. Even explain that that is why you sometimes distance yourself from her, because you are scared of getting burned if you got too close for too long.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Woggle, instead of throwing that deep and insecure part of your heart on the internet for us to smack you with giant cod: share it with your wife. You could give her no greater gift then telling her that you are so afraid of losing her love that it has eaten you up inside. Then let her know how much you value her and are grateful for her being by her side. Even explain that that is why you sometimes distance yourself from her, because you are scared of getting burned if you got too close for too long. Hot darn, great advice. And the whole "throwing that deep and insecure part of your heart on the internet for us to smack around with a giant cod" was just poetic genius. Seriously Woggle, listen to DreamingOfTigers.
Author Woggle Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 I know I am going to get flack but honestly I stop letting that get to me. I am not afraid of being called a woman hater simply for defending my gender. Women here know I am not talking about all women.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 But Woggle, you aren't defending your gender. You more times then not justify the crappy things men do on the back of the crappy things women do. That helps no one.
Author Woggle Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 But Woggle, you aren't defending your gender. You more times then not justify the crappy things men do on the back of the crappy things women do. That helps no one. Women do the same as well. That is exactly what the thread in the link I posted was doing. Both sides do the it's okay because they do it thing.
samsungxoxo Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I came home today all in a good mood and then I see this. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3680383&postcount=15 It really makes me wonder sometimes why I even bother trying to be less bitter and hateful.If it's a public forum then as long as it's not flaming or slang language, the poster can state what he/she thinks. I don't see why you got soo worked up over a female poster stating something you don't like. Regarding cheating, no it's not the right answer but I think certain people can be somewhat responsible for it. I don't think every type of cheating scenerio is a ''because he/she wanted to, they are selfish that's all'' explanation while the betrayed one is always seen as the ''poor victim who never in his/her life did anything wrong''. In some cases I think there was way more to the story and at times talking (esp. in a marriage) is useless. Divorce costs lots of money too and it's too complicated.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Women do the same as well. That is exactly what the thread in the link I posted was doing. Both sides do the it's okay because they do it thing. So when does the maddness stop? You are upset about how you perceive men to be treated. If that's honestly how you feel how can you say "they do it too" and think that solves anything? How about breaking out of the mold and running a different course. For the past couple years I've noticed how aggressive I've become driving. Lately I have been really practicing to try and slow down and get out of this competitive mentality that I need to be going faster then the guy to the right of me. When I drive slower, I'm more calm all around. Cars pass me left and right, speeding past. But if I remain calm and go my own pace, I'm in much better shape. When I get caught up in speeding and the mentality of " I need to get there right now", I'm a much more aggressive and poorer driver. The point of this story is that *you* need to live your life in the way you think is important. Other people are always going to be doing crap. You can't control them. You can only control yourself. And as long as *you* aren't cheating on your wife and she isn't cheating on you and you have a loving relationship, you are in good shape and shouldn't live with this bitterness in your heart. Be thankful you found a woman you love and that loves you. Because not everyone gets that. Right now I'm not even dating anyone and I really thought I would have been married by now and I'm not. But I haven't given up all hope on the male gender just because of past experiences. And I've had some crappy past experiences.
KR10N Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Cheating is wrong. Period! I wouldn't want my SO cheating, nor would I do it.
xxoo Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 What people here should understand is that that experience changed my entire worldview. It was almost like being born again. There is Woggle before divorce and Woggle after divorce. How am I supposed to undo all of that? You could meet, marry, and experience the love of a good woman. Oh, wait.... Why is the bad experience more transformational that the good?
Pyro Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 You keep starting numerous threads asking if women think or feel a certain way and they always respond with a no. Maybe yes responses will get you to stop making these ridiculous threads. Do you always ignore your wife like you do to all the helpful advice on here?
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Women do the same as well. That is exactly what the thread in the link I posted was doing. Both sides do the it's okay because they do it thing. YOU do exactly the same thing as the thread you linked. YOU are all about "if they do it, then it's okay if I do it." And, please stop talking about "both sides." There ARE no "sides." There are just individuals who love to remain stuck in sickness, wallowing in sickness. You always find and seek those out, because YOU are into being one yourself.
dreamingoftigers Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I gotta ask: how are these repeated opinion polls and seeking out nutjob articles helping, at all? What realistic and helpful function do they actually serve aside from some kind of shaming-fighting-anxiety relief cycle? I understand angst and all, but truly, where is this all going for you personally? Does it ever change anything for you? Does it ever truly relieve anything? Or does it just continue to keep your teeth on edge so that you don't feel yourself being "tricked" "convinced" "fooled" or unjustified in your feelings?
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 I came home today all in a good mood and then I see this. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3680383&postcount=15 It really makes me wonder sometimes why I even bother trying to be less bitter and hateful. Fact that you're STILL letting this stuff "ruin your good mood and day" just shows that you should be avoiding those types of threads, conversations, articles etc..etc.. Focus on YOU and your life, wife and friends whom you're close to, not the outside world and what goes on in other people's lives that you don't know.
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 When you have it happen to you and most women you know at the time seem to turn against you then you will understand why stuff like this gets to me. I was once one of those men who even hated porn and denounced strip clubs yet when a woman I loved betrayed me most women I know pretty much helped her try to destroy me. That is why I regret not going wild during that trip to New Orleans. While my friends were sinning like there was no tomorrow I was eating jambalaya and listening to a jazz band waiting for them to finish. Meanwhile back in New Jersey my ex was screwing everything in sight. Don't you think this might make a man rethink how he sees gender issues? Woggle you are RE MARRIED NOW to someone else and you gotta let go of your past hurts and pain from your past. You are giving your ex wife power over your life NOW. You have a wife who adores and loves you, yet you still focus on the bad and the past.
dreamingoftigers Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 Woggle you are RE MARRIED NOW to someone else and you gotta let go of your past hurts and pain from your past. You are giving your ex wife power over your life NOW. You have a wife who adores and loves you, yet you still focus on the bad and the past. It just smacked me in the head: survival mode, that's why no one can reason him out of this. He's too far triggered by the time he gets in here anyways. Hope I'm not speaking in riddles.
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 It just smacked me in the head: survival mode, that's why no one can reason him out of this. He's too far triggered by the time he gets in here anyways. Hope I'm not speaking in riddles. Not at all. He needs to re train himself and get out of the habit of reading and searching things that set him off. He needs to learn how to handle and de stress when he does dip into the past and gets upset, pissed off. We ALL have shi.t from our pasts, hurts and pains, sometimes it bites us in the ass but most don't let it affect us so deeply. We stop and think, is this worth getting upset over? I have no control over what goes on outside of my home, so focus on the now and what's in front of me. Woggle, please, just try the above. be active in making a big effort in avoiding subjects/topics/threads that set you off. When you feel yucky, go cuddle up with your wife and tell her you had a bad day and need some lovin'. that should be enough to help you feel better and not let past hurts get to you so much.
Author Woggle Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 You could meet, marry, and experience the love of a good woman. Oh, wait.... Why is the bad experience more transformational that the good? That's usually how life works. The bad experiences have much more impact than the good.
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