Tina747 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Sorry, I'll try to make this short but will give a little history too.... We had a short but very intense relationship for a few months last Spring. He broke off completely with me when I told him I needed a break and would like to just try being friends though I made it clear I still had feelings for him but needed time (for me the whole thing was happening way too fast and I felt a little overwhelmed and he had also just got out of a relationship). I never admitted to him at the time, that although we had some very, very good times that there were also times he would say things that would make me feel really bad about myself, like slowly breaking down my confidence. After breaking it off, I could tell he was sort of angry, criticized me and got all arrogant on me. Some of the stuff he said really hurt but I don't think he knows this. We texted and emailed a few times since (in a light, friendly way) but nothing for the last 5 months since I did not get the impression he wanted to be friends...but I am sure he thinks we parted on good terms. We live in a small town in the North East. I try very hard to avoid him but still see him around sometimes and then feel really, really sad and hurt again. But I never approach him and stayed really good about No Contact. I am absolutely sure after looking back that ending it was the right thing. Although the "short" relationship was extremely intense, it felt very wrong, though I have problems forgetting him anyway which is very confusing for me. Anyway, the other night I made huge mistake of having a few too many drinks and texted that I missed him and wanted to see if he wanted to talk but as I sat there alone with no reply I started to feel really "drunkingly sad" and texted again but this time telling him how much he hurt me and never want to see him again - all in a very dramatic way". I know drinking and phone together are a very, very bad idea! But I am SOOOO embarrassed now. I never heard back and don't expect to. He is probably thinking "what is wrong with her - and I wasn't seeing her now anyway"?!? Especially because I am sure he does not know how hurtful his words were to me when we ended it and why would I text him after 5 months of not speaking!?!. Its like I am afraid people will think I am weak if they know they hurt me, so maybe this was freeing me? But I feel horrible now. Now I don't know what to do if I ever run into him! What should I do! Has anyone ever done this before! Am I making a bigger deal than it really is? I don;t know why I feel so stupid, weird and embarrassed and can't stop thinking about it! What do you think he thinks now? And what do I do if I ever run into him (we also have mutual acquaintances)? I know I shouldn't care but I do! What is wrong with me? Help please!
Unrequitedlove Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 It's obvious that you let your feelings get the best of you and you made a mistake. Just take this as a lesson learned. Delete his number and move on. Obviously he didn't want anything to do with reading what you had to say in text message because he never responded. He did you the favor because all it would've done was made you feel worse. Move on from this. Maintain strict NC, and no more slip ups.
Author Tina747 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Thank you for the advice. But what should I do if I run into him somewhere (as we live in a small town so it is likley - it would be soooo awkward! - feel like I lost all dignity). Just ignore him? Avoid eye contact? Act like nothing happened?
Leegh Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Possibly you could send him a short text, and say that you had a few too many drinks, and that the texts you sent were "the alcohol talking" and possibly even make a joke about it. He doesn't have to know how much this is bothering you. I think in time you will feel better about this situation. I've done the exact same thing over the years. I would have a couple of drinks, and then call an old boyfriend, (which I had no intention of doing before I started drinking) and say things to him that I never would have said sober.
Author Tina747 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 Thank you all for taking the time to give me your advise. I feel a lot better now. You guys are great.
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