Did I Do Right Thing?

[olsen]

Apologies with the grammar on my thread title. I looked everywhere but i can't seem to find it.

 

Hi Everyone. I was browsing google until I found this site with right on the money answers. I was hoping that you can help me out. This is the worst week of my life! Hopefully I could move on quickly. Please read my story and any advice is appreciated.

 

To start of, I just broke up with my GF 2 days ago. We have been together for 4.5 years already. On the first two years, I was totaly unfaithful to her. I had sex maybe a couple of times with different partners. I got her as a GF through a one night stand. I looked at her as an easy girl type, invited her to my apartment and did it. I didn't know how it happened but she became my girlfriend.

 

I had 6 ex GFs already that time and I was always the one to dump them, so I made a promise to myself, this time, I'm not dumping her even if I didn't love her and I was just in it for sex. My concept was to be the worst boyfriend ever and provoke her to dump me. I went out all the time without her knowing it, cheated on her countless times, I can't remember the rest. But all those times, she held on to me. She never let go. She was always the one who lowered her pride just for us to be together. I could say that it went on for the first 2 years of our relationship.

 

Moving on, at Year 3, I bought a house(I am still single). Slowly, I was trying to realize that instead of spending my money with girls, it would be a good decision to slow it down a bit so I could use the money to buy house appliances(Im addicted to this). That time, I was not cheating anymore but I was very busy addicted to tennis. I played day, 7 days a week. So at this time, no cheating already, but I was still the worst boyfriend without giving her the time and attention that she deserved. Not to mention, I rarely have sex with her. I would say once every three months only. I was to scared of having her pregnant.And being stuck with the girl that I wasnt sure she was the one.

 

Year 4: My feelings grew with her and I said to myself that she is "The One". Knowing that she is as faithful as it could get now matter how worst things are. Although I felt that, I still didn't say I loved her. Maybe it was just my pride.

 

Alright now the climax. This was around a month ago. My ex GF always talks about her co worker's girlfriend being jealous with her. I asked why and she said that they were just close friends. I was thinking that there should be no smoke if there wasn't a fire. I mean there should be something going on, the reason why her coworker's GF got jealous over her. So I asked her and she said, they are just close friends.

 

Then lately, I suddenly observed that she is always on her phone. She wouldn't let me check it even and say the textbook style "You don't trust" me thingy. So my suspicious arose and I installed a keylogger software which would record everything that you typed in the keyboard. YES!!! the ultimate software! This includes getting all the login credentials. So I got her Facebook, Twitter and Yahoomail account. And I was shocked on what I found out. I found 3 guys. Im gonna enumerate them.

 

1. Guy1: I found a chat log at facebook telling one fo her girlfrineds that we had a fling that lasted for 5 months. This was at year 2 at our relationship ====> correct me but my definition of a fling includes sex!

 

2. Guy2: Chat logs, this is another guy(married with Kids). Im just going to summarize to give you and idea. This was at Year 3

 

 

 

Guy:lets slow down, I cant chat and text like this anymore. I got kids and they are my first priority

Ex GF:I understand and I will keep my distance.

 

Guy: Good that you understand. Thank you.

Ex GF: You dont have to thank me, I knew the set up at Day 1

 

Ex GF: I feel awful on what I did to you and to myself. I never exected I could do such a thing like this. Oh well, just like what you said, there's always a first time. This is just something passing

 

Guy: I tried to think it over, maybe you're right, I got what I wanted and that's it I guess. I hope you wont feel bad about it.

Ex GF: No I won't because again, that is with consent

 

Guy: Okay

Ex GF: bye.

 

This is crystal clear that sex was involved. Slap me if I'm wrong. I confronted her and she said this was a a week affair and there was now sex, just kisses. If I would let my heart decide, I would believe her, but emotions aside, thats clearly sex. She said that that was the time when I was too busy and didn't have time for her and she wanted to get back at me.

 

3. Guy3: This is her current fling/affair(got a kid with a live in partner). I cant find anything from him online. So I check her phone. Then I saw logs with SMS but she deletes them right away. When I first asked her about it, she said nothing was going on and she deleted them because it would cause a fight if i read them. Days after, she admitted that this guy said "I like you". Fill me up here, When a guy says "I like you" but with no intentions of courting you, that's a texbook style of getting a **** buddy!

 

 

So there it is. I concluded that these are 3 guys with three sexual affairs. I broke off with her. She wasn't happy with it but we broke off. I know I was the worst boyfriend but I loved her. I just didn't say it in words or make her feel that way.

 

Right now, I'm totally shattered, I cant think straight and I miss her. But my mind tells me that I did the right thing. So I followed the break up 101 and did everything from blocking her through facebook and yahoo messenger. I also deleted her contact at my phone. For the past two days, she keeps on texting me about how much she loves me and wanted me back. I never replied, being afraid I might get baited into a trap. So here are my questions and hopefully I could get some advice that would help me move on and clear up my mind.

 

 

1. You think she was sleeping with those past three guys? Guy 2 is obvious but any advice is greatly appreciated

 

2. Did I do the right thing of dumping her?

 

3. Should I take her back?

Edited October 16, 2011 by olsen
Edited the Title

[cali.man]

Well that sucks! I guess what comes around goes around huh? Bit you in the behind.... After what you did to her the first few Years.

[olsen]

Thanks for reading my thread cali.man. Any advice please? I can't seem to think clearly on what to do.

[ChelseaLS]

I am going to have to agree. You should have not expected anything less.. You cheatedbon her but are shattered because she cheated on you? You have no trust in your relationship. Neither of you can trust eachother, but you both expect it.

I believe in love. I love love. And I believe everyone deserves that second chance as we are only human. However if you ever plan to make it work there needs to be honesty. You both need to grow. Need to learn how to respect ones self and love ones self before you can love and respect someone else. You both need time to work on yourselves.

Love can be an amazing wonderful thing, but without trust and truth, it's nothing.

Sit down and decide if it really is love and not a need to just be with someone.