shawn923 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Well i wouldnt call it a mistake. Long story short, my ex (21, im 23) broke up with me 9 months ago, for a reason i still believe was an excuse because she no longer wanted to be in the relationship. I tried getting her back on valentines day, and she rejected me. Probably one of the saddest days of my life. This was the first time i went NC. She claimed she still wanted me in her life... A month later she was in a rebound relationship with somebody at my same school, on the same campus. (me and her go to the same college and see eachother randomly on campus) I even had to see her kiss this dude... Anyways, they broke off A WEEK after last semester was over, and she comes crying back to me. (Since i was no longer in the picture, she no longer had motivation to date him) I came to learn it was all words, no action. She really didnt want a relationship with me, she just wanted an ego boost because she knows how much I love her. At least thats what i think is going on. So every month or so since May, she'll break NC (i always initiate NC) and tell me she wants to be with me, loves me, misses me, etc... BUT NEVER actually does something. And its aggravating, Because i just feel shes doing this to cure her guilt for dumping me and moving on. I feel shes being selfish and not respecting me, by trying to use me for her emotions. She hasnt shown me not one thing since dumping me last January that tells me she wants to be with me. She's SAID it, but thats it. Not even one date. Also, NC is hard, as i still see her on campus. Its awkward pretending i dont see her, but shes hurting worse than i am. So come to today, just last night she does it again, deceives me into thinking we had a chance. All she kept saying were excuses like "give me time, i need to think, im confused"... I dont fall for it. I quickly asked for an ultimatum... She couldnt agree to be with me. SO things got kind of sour and i ended up blocking her from fb and going back to NC. So now, do you all think I've done the right thing? Ive been thru hell and back trying to get her. And even when i go NC she still seeks me out. I just dont understand her. I mean if she doesnt want a relationship with me, then by all means find somebody else. Just keep me out of ur life... Ive told her all this. And i just wanna know if i did the right thing by shutting the door completely on her, or if i shoulda took things slow with her and waited on her to have a change of heart. Keep in mind i do love her to death and wanted reconciliation, but i dont think its going to happen
ken_25 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 You did the right thing, you don't deserve to be put through this. There is absolutely no reason that you should continue going through it.
EgoJoe Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Yeah man, enforce your boundaries. Actions speak louder than words etc. You know better than to play games.
Author shawn923 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 You did the right thing, you don't deserve to be put through this. There is absolutely no reason that you should continue going through it. Yeah man, enforce your boundaries. Actions speak louder than words etc. You know better than to play games. Thanks for the input it helps a lot. I knew i was doing the right thing. I just feel bad for her thats why i keep making the same mistake. I guess if it ever happens again i should just lie to her and tell her "no, leave me alone i dont like u anymore"... Ive yet to do that, because i STILL want to be with her so saying that to her will be detrimental into getting her back. But now i have no choice and nothing to lose... So i guess i have to fake being an a-hole
HappyFlower Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Thanks for the input it helps a lot. I knew i was doing the right thing. I just feel bad for her thats why i keep making the same mistake. I guess if it ever happens again i should just lie to her and tell her "no, leave me alone i dont like u anymore"... Ive yet to do that, because i STILL want to be with her so saying that to her will be detrimental into getting her back. But now i have no choice and nothing to lose... So i guess i have to fake being an a-hole Don't feel bad for her (thats easy to say, I know!) - remember that she dumped you, and she is putting you throught the 'friends' routine for her own benefit. Go NC, and if she contacts you again you don't need to tell her anything, just ignore her Don't text back, don't answer the phone to her. Rather than telling you that you don't like her, which will probably cause yet more hurt for both you and her, just ignore her - if you stand a chance at another try, she needs to understand that you won't put up with her behaviour like this any more. She needs to realise she's doing nothing other than saying she wants you back, she needs to prove it. Make her work a little for it, and if she doesn;t, she's not ment to be with you. Good luck! xx
TheDovic Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Totally Shawn, If this chick really loved you she'd be with you. By saying crap like "I need time" she is basically saying "I'm gonna go see what's about and if I don't find anyone better, you'll do!" Don't EVER be anyones fallback dude. She's treating you like a dog here, so closing the door on her will maintain your dignity, give you a chance to heal and find someone who loves you. Firthermore, it will raise your value in her eyes massively. You said it yourself, she comes to you for an ego boost because she knows you love her. Take this away and all of a sudden you become unattainable, which is very attractive and might just make her realise how special you really are! In saying that, do you really want to be with someone who consciously hurts you over and over again??? PS, don't tell her things like "I love you, so I need to be away from you to give myself a chance to heal." If you do this then you remain in her pocket. ACT like you're happy now and accept her decision and you never see a reconciliation in the future. This will make you look like John Wayne dude, and at the very least will make you feel better about yourself.
Zabs Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Bitch! I HATE it when people use other people just to make themselves feel good..it's a pet hate of mine. F88K her! Work on building your self esteem...you will get over this...trust me:cool: Zabs xx
TheDovic Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Bitch! I HATE it when people use other people just to make themselves feel good..it's a pet hate of mine. F88K her! Work on building your self esteem...you will get over this...trust me:cool: Zabs xx Ha, I wouldn't wanna cross you Zabs lol
Author shawn923 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Don't feel bad for her (thats easy to say, I know!) - remember that she dumped you, and she is putting you throught the 'friends' routine for her own benefit. Go NC, and if she contacts you again you don't need to tell her anything, just ignore her Don't text back, don't answer the phone to her. Rather than telling you that you don't like her, which will probably cause yet more hurt for both you and her, just ignore her - if you stand a chance at another try, she needs to understand that you won't put up with her behaviour like this any more. She needs to realise she's doing nothing other than saying she wants you back, she needs to prove it. Make her work a little for it, and if she doesn;t, she's not ment to be with you. Good luck! xx Thanks for the advice. The thing is i totally agree and ive done this before. She does a good job of fooling me into thinking she wants me back. So theres always a few days of her pouring her heart out to me, i give her the time of day and listen, and when i ask for action, she doesnt come thru. This is when i usually get ticked off and go full NC. This has happened like 5 times already... BUT i will take ur advice and just ignore. Ill wait for her to txt me "I want to be with u right now"
Author shawn923 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Totally Shawn, If this chick really loved you she'd be with you. By saying crap like "I need time" she is basically saying "I'm gonna go see what's about and if I don't find anyone better, you'll do!" Don't EVER be anyones fallback dude. She's treating you like a dog here, so closing the door on her will maintain your dignity, give you a chance to heal and find someone who loves you. Firthermore, it will raise your value in her eyes massively. You said it yourself, she comes to you for an ego boost because she knows you love her. Take this away and all of a sudden you become unattainable, which is very attractive and might just make her realise how special you really are! In saying that, do you really want to be with someone who consciously hurts you over and over again??? PS, don't tell her things like "I love you, so I need to be away from you to give myself a chance to heal." If you do this then you remain in her pocket. ACT like you're happy now and accept her decision and you never see a reconciliation in the future. This will make you look like John Wayne dude, and at the very least will make you feel better about yourself. Yea i totally agree. And i honestly dont know why I still want to be with her. I guess its purely because i love this person. Or should i say the person she USE to be. I didnt read this in time, so I ended up texting her "I wanna see u happy even if its not with me" Then i told her "i just need space" and she agreed to give it to me... That was last night. And probably the last time i talk to her for awhile Bitch! I HATE it when people use other people just to make themselves feel good..it's a pet hate of mine. F88K her! Work on building your self esteem...you will get over this...trust me:cool: Zabs xx LMAO! I hope i do get over this, sooner than later.
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