Ladies: If you asked a guy "when was the last time you dated?" and he said "never"...

[AHardDaysNight]

What would be your reaction? Would you run a mile?

 

This is something that puts me off asking out girls, because I don't want to face that question. Along with the "when did you lose your virginity" and "when did you first kiss"

[allina]

I would be very shocked and confused.

 

I wouldn't run but I would want to understand why. It also depends on the guy's age.

[january2011]

Everyone has to start somewhere.

[The Tiger]

I would point and laugh.

 

Seriously, why don't you just lie if you're so self conscious about it? It's not like you can change the past so there's no point on lingering on that issue. The longer you wait the worse you'll feel.

 

Lots of people have been in your situation and have found a plethora of solutions, some of which you may not like, but hey, desperate times.

 

You can:

 

Find a prostitute.

 

Find a female version of you. AKA inexperienced virgin.

 

Lower your standards so much that you won't feel so self conscious.

 

Take anti-anxiety medication.

 

Have a brain transplant so you can have the swagger of an alpha male.

 

Wait for God to come down and endow you with supreme confidence, good looks, charm, and an alternate history where you are a player.

 

These are probably the most practical solutions. Of course there's always the possibility that you'll just get over your doubts, ask out your dream girl, tell her the truth and she'll accept you and happily ever after. However I know vicious cycles like the one you're in are hardly ever broken spontaneously so I listed the other outs.

[Thieves]

What would be your reaction? Would you run a mile?

 

This is something that puts me off asking out girls, because I don't want to face that question. Along with the "when did you lose your virginity" and "when did you first kiss"

 

Aw. Seeing as I've met a guy or two like that, I'd probably think it's a bit cute. But I would not run a mile away. I'd be interested and want to know why.

[iris219]

No one will ask when you had your first kiss or when you lost your virginity. Adults don't generally talk about this.

 

With the question about dating, I'd be evasive if I were you. I'm not trying to condone lying, but there's no reason to reveal that you've never dated on a 1st or 2nd date. I'd say something like, "I've been meeting people recently, but it hasn't led to anything serious."

[baker23]

Depends on the girl. I was in my late 20s when I met my boyfriend, he was 27 and had never dated, kissed or had sex before. I had a couple relationships prior to him, but I had never had sex either.

 

He was a very reserved guy, not introverted because he was well spoken, college educated, had friends, good sense of fashion, athletic, but he was focused on his college education and never bothered with girls. Just because he had't dated before didn't mean there was something wrong with him. He is a great guy, and I considered myself the luckiest woman alive.

[snug.bunny]

I would call you a NUT and think your head was full of oatmeal...

 

[alphamale]

Would you run a mile?

i would try to but i'm a smoker so i may not make it

[AHardDaysNight]

Well, I will be turning 29 in less than two weeks, and I've never kissed a girl, much less done anything.

 

I have social anxiety and social phobia, and am a bit of a loner. That's probably why I haven't gotten anywhere, as I've never found a girl who likes shy guys. I also am a geek, and girls don't like geeks. I always get passed over for the good looking "jocks."

 

That being said, I am not really concerned about it, except for the fact that I feel like a freak/loser/whatever for being this age, and possibly facing that question. I have lots of pressure on me to lose that stigmata, and yet it's because of the pressure that I don't date.

[alphamale]

I have social anxiety and social phobia, and am a bit of a loner.

find a good shrink, now a days there are TONS of meds to treat you

[january2011]

Girls do like geeks. Just not all girls. And not all geeks.

[allina]

Well, I will be turning 29 in less than two weeks, and I've never kissed a girl, much less done anything.

 

I have social anxiety and social phobia, and am a bit of a loner. That's probably why I haven't gotten anywhere, as I've never found a girl who likes shy guys. I also am a geek, and girls don't like geeks. I always get passed over for the good looking "jocks."

 

That being said, I am not really concerned about it, except for the fact that I feel like a freak/loser/whatever for being this age, and possibly facing that question. I have lots of pressure on me to lose that stigmata, and yet it's because of the pressure that I don't date.

 

Personally, this would be a deal breaker for me, but not for many other women.

 

Are you getting help for your anxiety? Do you have friends? Do you get along with co-workers?

 

As for your lack of experience, it's not something I would share with women right away.

[Queen Zenobia]

Well, I will be turning 29 in less than two weeks, and I've never kissed a girl, much less done anything.

 

I have social anxiety and social phobia, and am a bit of a loner. That's probably why I haven't gotten anywhere, as I've never found a girl who likes shy guys. I also am a geek, and girls don't like geeks. I always get passed over for the good looking "jocks."

 

That being said, I am not really concerned about it, except for the fact that I feel like a freak/loser/whatever for being this age, and possibly facing that question.

 

Well my fiance was a virgin when I met him (he was 22) and he was much more inexperienced than I was (even though I was a virgin too). I never really asked him about it when we first started dating though, mostly because I didn't care and/or the thought really didn't cross my mind. So I think you should just put yourself out there as if you've been dating all this time and just not worry about it. You know the old saying: "act like you've been there before".

 

I have lots of pressure on me to lose that stigmata, and yet it's because of the pressure that I don't date.

 

I think you mean stigma. You'd know if you had a stigmata...

[iris219]

I have social anxiety and social phobia, and am a bit of a loner. That's probably why I haven't gotten anywhere, as I've never found a girl who likes shy guys. I also am a geek, and girls don't like geeks. I always get passed over for the good looking "jocks."

 

What are you talking about? You're not in high school. Which girls, recently, have rejected you? Are you actively trying to date, but you fail because you keep getting rejected? You say you have social anxiety. How often do you get out and try to meet women?

[baker23]

Since you have your phobias, you might want to read some self books to overcome some of your fears. I know that when we first started dating he had said something about how he had read all types of books to help him overcome his shyness, and by looking and talking to him, you will never thinks he was that shy because she is so confident (now). He also read a lot about relationships since he had prior experience. He is super smart, a geek, but there is nothing wrong with geeks.

 

If you have some issues with your image, you might try joinning a gym, getting different clothes, anything that might help you feel more confident with yourself.

[Thieves]

Well, I will be turning 29 in less than two weeks, and I've never kissed a girl, much less done anything.

 

I have social anxiety and social phobia, and am a bit of a loner. That's probably why I haven't gotten anywhere, as I've never found a girl who likes shy guys. I also am a geek, and girls don't like geeks. I always get passed over for the good looking "jocks."

 

That being said, I am not really concerned about it, except for the fact that I feel like a freak/loser/whatever for being this age, and possibly facing that question. I have lots of pressure on me to lose that stigmata, and yet it's because of the pressure that I don't date.

 

There are plenty of girls who are attracted to shy/quiet guys - including myself, but then again I am attracted to other types of men as well. But like you said, it's just a matter of finding these girls.

 

Have you ever been taking anything (medication-wise) for the anxiety, or perhaps tried involving yourself in therapy to try and improve on your social phobia?

 

It seems like a snowball effect here more than anything else. You feel you don't meet girls because of your age and your inexperience, and so you feel like a freak, which causes you to feel like a loner, which increases your social anxiety and social phobia, which in turn prevents you from meeting girls... and so on. So it seems like the root of the problem would be to see what you can do to improve on your social phobia/anxiety first. That to me would look like the first stepping stone to overcoming this...

[AHardDaysNight]

LOL, yes I definitely meant stigma! I'm tired.

 

Well, I'm on anti-anxiety medication. It's not really anxiety based on anything but the fact that "I'm a 29 year old virgin with no experience", and as allina said, it's a dealbreaker.

 

I have nightmares about this, seriously. I wish I could go back in time to when I was 18, and get on the ball.

 

Hmm, maybe I should start lying about my age, and just pretend I'm a teenager? I look young enough. How old is normal to be inexperienced?

 

God, I'm so tired of worrying about this! Are dating and relationships supposed to make you miserable?

[The Tiger]

find a good shrink, now a days there are TONS of meds to treat you

 

Forget the meds, a shrink should help him deal with his serious self-confidence issues.

 

Why are you thinking of yourself as a freak/loser? It's not healthy and just being a virgin does not make you this. It's all about your mindset.

 

You also have this victim thing going on saying that jocks have taken all the girls. That is not true and you know it. Sorry, but jocks and geeks aren't both usually competing for the same girls.

 

Where is the pressure coming from? Is it from yourself? Is it a "if you don't use it you lose it" sort of thing or are you pressured by relatives?

 

I don't know what else to say, man. You seem to be your own biggest obstacle. You have to be your own ally and not put yourself down if you want to attract girls.

[Queen Zenobia]

I also am a geek, and girls don't like geeks. I always get passed over for the good looking "jocks."

 

What do you mean by this? People's personalities are usually very complex, rarely fitting into neat categories like "geek" or "jock". My fiance is someone who would very much qualify as a "geek", but he also loves his sports. Is he a jock or a geek? Can he be both? Can you be both?

[alphamale]

Forget the meds, a shrink should help him deal with his serious self-confidence issues.

his problems are medically based - would you treat a broken leg with talk therapy?

[allina]

LOL, yes I definitely meant stigma! I'm tired.

 

Well, I'm on anti-anxiety medication. It's not really anxiety based on anything but the fact that "I'm a 29 year old virgin with no experience", and as allina said, it's a dealbreaker.

 

I have nightmares about this, seriously. I wish I could go back in time to when I was 18, and get on the ball.

 

Hmm, maybe I should start lying about my age, and just pretend I'm a teenager? I look young enough. How old is normal to be inexperienced?

 

God, I'm so tired of worrying about this! Are dating and relationships supposed to make you miserable?

 

Now I feel bad

 

It may be a deal breaker for me but I'm sure it's not for tons of other women. I am attracted to loud, outgoing, experienced men. That doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you, it's just that different people need/want different things.

 

Don't lie about your age, pretending to be a teen is creepy and can open up a whole lot of trouble for you if there is a teenaged girl involved.

 

Instead, seek out women who are shy or conservative. They will look at your lack of experience as a plus.

[AHardDaysNight]

What do you mean by this? People's personalities are usually very complex, rarely fitting into neat categories like "geek" or "jock". My fiance is someone who would very much qualify as a "geek", but he also loves his sports. Is he a jock or a geek? Can he be both? Can you be both?

 

I guess I mean I get turned down by girls for guys that look like this:

 

http://www.insidesocal.com/outinhollywood/aaaaaaaaclint.jpg

 

I have no clue who that guy is, and I don't care. But I will never look like that.

 

Anyway, I got my answer. This is my gameplan:

 

- Pretend to be experienced

- Lie if the opportunity comes up

- NEVER reveal that I lied

 

There is no other option, because if I don't lie, the girl will run a mile, and if I confess later that I lied, she won't trust me.

 

Therefore, I have to lie.

[Queen Zenobia]

I guess I mean I get turned down by girls for guys that look like this:

 

http://www.insidesocal.com/outinhollywood/aaaaaaaaclint.jpg

 

I have no clue who that guy is, and I don't care. But I will never look like that.

 

Anyway, I got my answer. This is my gameplan:

 

- Pretend to be experienced

- Lie if the opportunity comes up

- NEVER reveal that I lied

 

There is no other option, because if I don't lie, the girl will run a mile, and if I confess later that I lied, she won't trust me.

 

Therefore, I have to lie.

 

Hmm...well for my money that guy doesn't qualify as a "jock". A jock is usually that guy putting in 115% effort in a pickup basketball game at the gym. Not some guy sitting with a guitar at a party. But I see what you're trying to say.

 

Personally, that kind of man doesn't interest me. What drew me to my fiance was that he was a fascinating person to talk to, interesting, and was a very fun person to be around. Those things made it so I didn't even think to care about his inexperience. My advice is to be that kind of person and women will be drawn to you.

[AHardDaysNight]

Hmm...well for my money that guy doesn't qualify as a "jock". A jock is usually that guy putting in 115% effort in a pickup basketball game at the gym. Not some guy sitting with a guitar at a party. But I see what you're trying to say.

 

Personally, that kind of man doesn't interest me. What drew me to my fiance was that he was a fascinating person to talk to, interesting, and was a very fun person to be around. Those things made it so I didn't even think to care about his inexperience. My advice is to be that kind of person and women will be drawn to you.

 

Thanks Queen Zenobia.