sadprincess Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 I've read some posts and articles about "dumper's remorse or guilt"...but i truly doubt any of it is true. I think its an "idea" that helps dumpees feel better, but that's all there is to it. here i am, a dumpee, feeling sick to my stomach, can't enjoy my family's/friends early celebration for my bday because the person i cared about could give two s**** about me. a dumper dump because they were probably emotionally detached a longgggggg time ago. and when they finally had the balls to do it, its pure relief for them. all this mumble jumble about the stages they go thru....1) relief 2) guilt, remorse...blah blah blah. Puh lease. when they got the courage to be done with you, they're totally done with you by then. its foolish to believe otherwise, false sense of hope or happiness or that ur ex could think he/she made a mistake. if they do want you back......they're new relationship didn't work out as hoped or they feel lonely and need someone to talk to again. that's not love.
january2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 When someone tells me that they're remorseful, I tend to take that 'as is' unless there's contradicting evidence.
TheDovic Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Lets be real for a second. If you've been with someone for years and are not only their lover, but their best and closest friend, then it's only human to feel regret for causing pain to the person you are closest to! Dumpers are NOT monsters, they're people like you and me. Now I appreciate a lot can be cruel or cowardly following a breakup, but I do think a lot of them feel guilty for hurting someone so close to them!!! 5
LoveNoob Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Technically, any situation in which people express their remorse it's a way to release some of their guilt and feel better about it. So you are right in that respect. If you bump into a guy and he spills his coffee, you might feel bad about yourself if you dont even grant him an apoligee and keep on walking. If you apoligise you feel better about yourself because it was an accident and you were not rude. If you were really remorseful and in the position to do so, you would buy him a new drink. But expressing remorse at hurting you by breaking up is not the same as regretting the break-up and doesnt mean your ex is going to "buy you a new cup of coffee", simply because it might not be possible, feasible or desirable for your ex to start a new relationship.
fallenenvy Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Speaking as someone that has been on both sides..... it IS possible to feel guilt and remorse and even sad. I ended things with someone i had been with for several years and i felt horrible for about 2 years after the fact. I worried about him everyday and cried all the time; even knowing (and still to this day knowing) that it was the right thing to do (for reasons i won't go into here). I wanted to take his pain away but i knew i couldn't because the reasons we split still were and are there. Because someone decides that things arn't working or they arn't happy doesn't mean that they don't care that they are hurting you. It hurts to get dumped but at the same time would you want someone staying with you if they weren't able to be happy or feel the way about you that you want? How about if you were on the other end? You were with someone but you weren't happy or there were incompatibilities you couldn't get over? Would it be fair to yourself to stay just to avoid the temporary hurt the other person would feel? Not to say there arn't rotten people out there that don't care if you get hurt but i don't think its fair to say there is no such thing as guilt and remorse... Im sorry for everyone who is dumped and i know all too well what it feels like but until you unexpectedly find yourself on the other end of that equation you can't really say dumpers are heartless soulless as* holes that feel nothing at your pain.
Sugarkane Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 If a dumper has remotely any remorse or guilt, I haven't seen any more than a year later. Sounds like I'll be waiting years, if at all to see any. It's a load of ****e.
wilsonx Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3653186&postcount=1 All I have to say is 4 months =) Pure Guilt....
Author sadprincess Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 i hate to be sexist........i really do......but i do feel like girls show a bit more empathy. going thru this site, i've been reading A LOT of posts (to get my head not focused on me and my problems).....and I do surprisingly see more guys upset of girls dumping them. and i noticed girl dumpers >> guys...feels guilt. yes remorse (aka sorry) and guilt are different. but i feel dumpers may feel guilty and sorry for what they've done (so fine, i'm not going to say they don't completely)...but they sure as heck don't dwell on it. and I'm just saying that stuff I've read about dumper's guilt/remorse blows it up as though dumpers feel just as bad as the dumpees (and one article said...they actually feel worse! haha yeah effing right!) i'm gonna make a list all his imperfections and keep reminding myself that I don't deserve this, he doesn't deserve me, i can do better. i've finally completed my first NC without any breaks. one full day now...which I always failed before. so today is day 1! and it hurts as heck. and tmrs my bday and i feel like dying.
Author sadprincess Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 wilson, i'm sorry, but i don't understand. ur a dumpee....she's the dumper....yes she was wrong for tricking you, but she dumped u first. you had every right to hook up with whoever. why should you feel guilty. i was saying dumpers don't feel guilty.
ffw Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Hello Sadprincess, First congratulations on your 1st day of NC. You must understand like all humans are different, so as relationships. Life does not follow a certain pattern nor its a mathematical equation by solving which you will get the right answer. With time people change their decisions. Even dumpers are humans who can mistakes. Anyways, my theory is if a dumper could not find the connection/bond like he/she used to have with you, then there is a possibility that dumper might come back. Ofcouse, its not love but to reignite the flame & to find what's lost. Whether it will happen or not that's a completely different story.
Sugarkane Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 My ex turned everyone against me, even though he screwed me over. Just so he didn't have ti deal with ant guilt or remorse. Where's this guilt that they're supposed to have? My ex still has none.
wilsonx Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 wilson, i'm sorry, but i don't understand. ur a dumpee....she's the dumper....yes she was wrong for tricking you, but she dumped u first. you had every right to hook up with whoever. why should you feel guilty. i was saying dumpers don't feel guilty. yes they do, what you dont understand is I was the dumpee. Her stalking me online like that shows her and telling me "I knew you were full of ****" 4 months after our breakup shows that she feels guilty. Just because they don't show it doesn't mean they dont have guilt. You are a fresh breakup, wait until you lock down NC for a couple months and watch the breadcrumbs come in, thats guilt of him wanting to be nice to you and be your friend
Author sadprincess Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 wilson, but have you ever thought of this: people who dump a person may have lost love/interest for a person, but for some ODD reason, they don't want to see the person they dump go out with someone else (at least not so soon). its like a control thing. i don't want you, but i don't want you to want someone else either. sugarkane, i'm sorry you're in this shoes and he had the nerve to make matters worse! i can only hope bad people attract bad people or turn good people to bad with time. so hopefully he'll get his dose one day.
Author sadprincess Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 the reason for this post is to make me face reality and not live for hope. with no expectations, there's no disappointment. and wilson ur right, this is a fresh breakup and it hurts like hell. and i'm mad at the world. i'm soooo soooo angry. but i have to open my eyes and see what's happening before my eyes: i'm the one initiating contact, i'm the one asking why why why and he's feeds the same one line......"we're not the same race, i can't bring you home to my family....there's no future...i just can't continue..." over and over again. i need to wake up! he's not into me. he was never into me. and i'm yesterday's trash to him.
EgoJoe Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Females showing more Empathy...sure...to people they still care about and don't argue with them about anything no matter how retarded they sound because of being misinformed, illogical etc. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Isn't just a rhetorical quote. Real or imagined I can honestly say that that I've seen some real ass-clown examples of guys as Dumpers but nothing compares to some of the stuff said and done by Women or I should say Females because I reserve the Woman/Women title for a Female who is capable of grasping logic, admitting when they are wrong, learning new things and seeing things from someone else's perspective. This is a pointless debate. Perspectives alter wildly, rapidly and without warning after a breakup. Give it a few months, you'd be surprised what you give a flying **** about.
wilsonx Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Isn't just a rhetorical quote. Real or imagined I can honestly say that that I've seen some real ass-clown examples of guys as Dumpers but nothing compares to some of the stuff said and done by Women or I should say Females because I reserve the Woman/Women title for a Female who is capable of grasping logic, admitting when they are wrong, learning new things and seeing things from someone else's perspective. ^^^^^^ Ding
mike588 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 yes they do, what you dont understand is I was the dumpee. Her stalking me online like that shows her and telling me "I knew you were full of ****" 4 months after our breakup shows that she feels guilty. Just because they don't show it doesn't mean they dont have guilt. You are a fresh breakup, wait until you lock down NC for a couple months and watch the breadcrumbs come in, thats guilt of him wanting to be nice to you and be your friend Hey Wilson, You know my story, when you say you are a "fresh breakup", wait until you lock down N.C. for a COUPLE of months and watch the breadcrumbs come in,,,,,, in your opinion does that apply to alot of us who's ex. went back to an ex.??
wilsonx Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 mike.... not commenting.... get a new girlfriend bro!
EgoJoe Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 I don't understand EggJoe's quote, or why wilson agreed. It seemed to me like his post disregarded the topic of the thread (which is true and worthy of anger) and yet it has been turned into "Females have no logic because they are angry with a loser that did them bad. They are only 'females' if they admit the loser is right and she is wrong for her feelings/actions." And everyone agreed to it. Well I don't. It is pointless and sexist and takes away from the topic at hand. Every time a woman is spoken about from men on LS she is illogical and evil and everything that happens to her is her fault. Everything is a woman's fault and I'm sick of that already. OP, I agree with your thread. That is why I don't believe in being friends with an ex. What's the point of it, really? Just to boost that man's ego and nothing else. I suggest more women cut them off and go on with their lives, and not think about the losers again. Bitch, please, learn to read. Simultaneously, thanks for providing a control.
mike588 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 mike.... not commenting.... get a new girlfriend bro! Ha. Though that would get your attention. lol
wilsonx Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Egojoe hijacked the thread for his own intents and purposes, I agreed with him. We are a LOT further in the healing process to say, it really doesnt matter either way why the relationship ended, if theres guilt or remorse because it doesn't really matter.
LoveNoob Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 And everyone agreed to it. Well I don't. It is pointless and sexist and takes away from the topic at hand. Every time a woman is spoken about from men on LS she is illogical and evil and everything that happens to her is her fault. Everything is a woman's fault and I'm sick of that already. OP, I agree with your thread. That is why I don't believe in being friends with an ex. What's the point of it, really? Just to boost that man's ego and nothing else. I suggest more women cut them off and go on with their lives, and not think about the losers again. Erm....wut?
EgoJoe Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 YOU'RE a BITCH, BITCH. ****ing *******, go die in a ditch you dumb BITCH. Wonder Troll powers activate!
EgoJoe Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Shut the hell up. Talk about a point flying right over your tiny little head. The irony is killing me.
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