Jamesg2936 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I am 19, and I've been dating with my first ever girlfriend, love, and lover over for 2 years or so now. The relationship is pretty good. I love her. She really loves me. But there is a nag in the back of my mind that says I could do better, and I'm just staying here cause of comfort. We fight at a low-squabbling often, especially when I am too busy to text / call her, which is what my lifestyle is like. Our sex life is active, almost too active that I take it for granted. Sometimes I just do it for the sake of it. She is extremely emotional, and always looks to me for comfort very often. She relies on me very heavily, and has had many emotional breakdowns in the past. The thought of leaving her makes my stomach lurch. I don't want to be alone. Being with her is warm. She makes me smile, and from time to time, when I look at her, my whole being just wants to protect and support her. In addition, she talks about wanting to be with me for a long time, and has said months ago that she doesn't think she can do better than me, and will give up on love if it doesn’t work. I care deeply about her, and don't want to hurt her. At the same time, I feel like I want to live my life young and go explore, find adventure and not be weighed down by a long term relationship limiting what I can do. I have a complex about not experiencing life during my teenage years, and am deathly afraid of missing out on life experiences. (This all probably started when friends of mind talked about how they spent their teens/young-twenties having wild crazy random-sex). She is more interested in settling down/long term thinking than I am. Stay with her and test to see if it fizzles or really bonds? Break now and get clean starts? Supress my disturbing mind and give this my best go? What should I do?
january2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) If you think you can do better and feel that she's stopping you from living your life, best to let her go now before the resentment builds and you end up hating her. Even worse, you end up married with kids and a house and one day, you decide that you want to drop it all for some adventure. Having said that, it's worth bearing in mind that rarely do we get second chances. So, be sure that you want to put yourself and your development first before her and the relationship itself. Which outcome do you think you will regret the most? In my experience, it's usually the things that we don't do that we regret the most rather than the things we did do. ETA: You seem to have posted some of the information differently in your other threads. Are you 18 or 19? I also think it's relevant that she's older, which you didn't add to this thread but added to the other threads. Given everything else you've posted, it looks like you're at different life stages. My advice above still stands though. Edited October 16, 2011 by january2011
Author Jamesg2936 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Hi there, Thanks for the quick reply - I posted in 3 different topics to hopefully get more opinions. Sorry for the incorrect posts - my age is 19 and she is the same age as me. I copied the information from a draft that slightly differed from my situation, other than that everything else is correct. Are you sure we rarely get second chances?
january2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Are you sure we rarely get second chances? In my experience, yes, second chances are rare. That doesn't mean that in your particulate situation you won't get a second chance, it just means that the general likelihood is very low - in my opinion.
Author Jamesg2936 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 In my experience, yes, second chances are rare. That doesn't mean that in your particulate situation you won't get a second chance, it just means that the general likelihood is very low - in my opinion. So I won't find another partner in my lifetime and love them in the same way?
january2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 So I won't find another partner in my lifetime and love them in the same way? No, you are likely to find another partner but it's unlikely that you will love her in the same way. I was referring to a second chance with your current girlfriend.
Author Jamesg2936 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 No, you are likely to find another partner but it's unlikely that you will love her in the same way. I was referring to a second chance with your current girlfriend. I understand - Thanks for your opinion!
blugirl Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 If you think you can do better and feel that she's stopping you from living your life, best to let her go now before the resentment builds and you end up hating her. Even worse, you end up married with kids and a house and one day, you decide that you want to drop it all for some adventure. Ditto. When I was with my first bf, after some time I started to have same thoughts, that I want to know how is it to have sex with another guy and experience something else, that's why I had a one night stand... but that's all, I learned that ONS is not for me, satisfied my curiosity and came to the conclusion I prefer love+sex, anyways I found my real soulmate now and I feel I'm ready to settle down though I'm still young, simply because I know it's THAT person. Which I didn't feel with my first bf, I couldn't see my future with him or having kids with him. Go and explore if you want, though think twice if you want to have multiple ONS.... I'm sure your future gf/wife would feel hurt to learn that there were many before her. So try to balance it. Don't do 'wild random sex' just because others do or tell about it. Follow your heart. And don't think that I say that because I'm a girl, my bf thinks the same way, that sex should go with love. He 'tasted' ONS too so he knows what he's saying. If you some day find the right person, you will know it's her... so move on now so that you have no regrets. So I won't find another partner in my lifetime and love them in the same way? You will find a partner but you will love them in another way. Nothing is the same.
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