nyckidd Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I feel like I should contact her. I know I could be wrong(and from what everyone is telling me) that would be the wrong move but... When my ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago she text me multiple times afterward saying that she loved me and missed me and how hard it is not to text me. Well after about 3 days of this I suggested that we cut all contact(thinking this would be good because she just kept telling me how she felt and never said anything about getting back together which is what i would have liked to hear!) She agreed and said she loved me, and that shes going to hate not being able to talk to me but time will heal. She even mentioned that she still has all my stuff and shes wearing the necklace I bought for her right now. Clearly this girl is confused because she text me all this stuff but at the same time broke up with me a few days earlier. I do understand her reasoning for breaking up with me, and there are things I need to work on. Even though I suggested NC, and have stuck to it for almost a week now, I really wish to speak with her, I feel like this wouldn't hurt my chances of getting back with her, but might end up hurting me if I don't get anything from it. I don't know what to do despite people telling me not to contact. Any suggestions? I want this girl back in my life to work on things once again and grow as a couple. Just not sure which advice to take. Thanks!
geegirl Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 She clearly, let you go. Didn't even put up a fight. She may still want to talk to you because she misses parts of the R with you but it's not an indication that she wants to continue being in an R. If you have to force someone to want you or keep putting your toe in to entice or provoke interest, then you have your answer. If she wants you back, she will show you. Anything other than that should keep you NC and working on your issues. And breaking NC will only hurt you.
TheDovic Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 If you contact her when you're still pining for her, then you are likely to push her away further. The reason for this comes down to attraction. Your ex left you because in some way she has lost attraction for you (you can believe this or not, but it is more than likely true), but knowing this gives you some power back as now you know everything you do can increase or decrease your attractiveness to her. Now, things that are universally attractive: Confidence, strength and mystery - By staying nc you achieve all three of these attractive qualities, i.e. confidence to move on with your life without her, strength to NOT act like a wuss around her (women are NOT attracted to wussy behaviour) and mystery (she'll be wondering what you are doing and who you are doing it with) And things that are universally unattractive: Neediness and desperation - if you contact her when you are still hurting you are likely to act needy and desperate, which will push her away further and these two things KILL attraction. If you do find yourself overwhelmed and do contact her then follow this advice I read recently about what couples who got back together had in common. It basically tells dumpees to act like they're never getting back with their ex when in their company i.e. no relationship talk, no emotional crap, just speak to them as if you FULLY accept their decision and are content to move on. Another few tips on attraction - DON'T tell her too much about your life, so you stay mysterious. Also tease her a bit in a joking way. Don't be afraid to upset her a bit (in a joking way obviously), don't compliment her (for now), and don't be too available i.e. if you text her and she responds, wait a while before replying. And if she asks to see you turn down the first date she offers because you're "busy." This will raise your value as you have things going on in your life.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Why would you want to be with someone who acts like she is now. Suppose this was a non romantic relationship. Suppose this was business and someone said they did not want to do business with you but kept on calling you or sending random emails. You would think they were a fool or a nut. This woman has issues and problems and needs to sort herself out. Leave her alone for your sake lest you let her craziness drive you insane.
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