LoveNoob Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 A lot of people seem to post about an ex breaking NC and approaching them for whatever reason. I'm kinda curious, how many of you have explicitidly told your ex you'd go NC but had an ex contact you anyway sometime later in your life? And how many just cut contact without a "im going NC" talk? Last, why did your ex contact you? The reason why i ask is that although the chance my ex-GF will ever contact me again is remote, i kinda would like to know what to expect if she does contact me for whatever reason and how to handle that.
Fizzy1337 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 i wish i can answer this im going start day 1 of NC once i get my dam money from that B%^$ i dated
poorguy Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Thats a complex question. Depends on a whole lotta factors. Depends why you split, how you split, if there was already someone else etc. Your new I can see. If you read through here you can see someone else that was new on here maybe say a year ago and how it started and where they are now and what NC did for them. Generally it progress! If they drop off or it way more intermintant...well you know...their hooking up lol
january2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Guilt. Curiosity. Ego boost. Loneliness. Hook-up. As poorguy mentioned, a "whole lotta factors." I don't think you can really prepare for these kinds of situation. You just have to try to ensure that if it happens, you're ready to deal with it from a position of stability and strength. Then it doesn't matter what, why, how, when. That's why NC is so important in giving you space to heal and get your emotions back in check.
poorguy Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Guilt. Curiosity. Ego boost. Loneliness. Hook-up. As poorguy mentioned, a "whole lotta factors." I don't think you can really prepare for these kinds of situation. You just have to try to ensure that if it happens, you're ready to deal with it from a position of stability and strength. Then it doesn't matter what, why, how, when. That's why NC is so important in giving you space to heal and get your emotions back in check. That is a whole lotta well said!!!
Author LoveNoob Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Guilt. Curiosity. Ego boost. Loneliness. Hook-up. As poorguy mentioned, a "whole lotta factors." I don't think you can really prepare for these kinds of situation. You just have to try to ensure that if it happens, you're ready to deal with it from a position of stability and strength. Then it doesn't matter what, why, how, when. That's why NC is so important in giving you space to heal and get your emotions back in check. True, thanks. And yes i fully understand needing NC in order to be able to objectively judge further down the road if i can/want to be friends with my ex-GF, if reconsiliation is desired, or if she was a bad choice for me and i'm lucky to be free to get someone else. Though the chance of her ever contacting me is maybe 5-10%
TheDovic Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 A lot of people seem to post about an ex breaking NC and approaching them for whatever reason. I'm kinda curious, how many of you have explicitidly told your ex you'd go NC but had an ex contact you anyway sometime later in your life? And how many just cut contact without a "im going NC" talk? Last, why did your ex contact you? The reason why i ask is that although the chance my ex-GF will ever contact me again is remote, i kinda would like to know what to expect if she does contact me for whatever reason and how to handle that. I went nc and she started texting after a few days, emailing after that, then calling to my house crying after a week. She asks in texts how things are, what I'm doing etc, hopes my family is well. She also tells me a lot about her own life. Her emails are pretty similar. When she called to my house she told me it was to get her car's tax book (or license or something) but she didn't look for it and decided she didn't need it. She cried the entire time and kept saying "this doesn't feel right." She also asked if she could call more often. I stayed pretty cold cos she dumped me, not the other way around, plus I was really confused as to why she was doing this i.e. does she want me back or does she want me as a friend!? I don't know if your ex will go to such extremes, plus acting like I have has only served to keep my dignity. Absolutely useless though if I want her back, but I'm afraid to ask lol. Plus I think that's her job as she caused this!
Author LoveNoob Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) I went nc and she started texting after a few days, emailing after that, then calling to my house crying after a week. She asks in texts how things are, what I'm doing etc, hopes my family is well. She also tells me a lot about her own life. Her emails are pretty similar. When she called to my house she told me it was to get her car's tax book (or license or something) but she didn't look for it and decided she didn't need it. She cried the entire time and kept saying "this doesn't feel right." She also asked if she could call more often. I stayed pretty cold cos she dumped me, not the other way around, plus I was really confused as to why she was doing this i.e. does she want me back or does she want me as a friend!? I don't know if your ex will go to such extremes, plus acting like I have has only served to keep my dignity. Absolutely useless though if I want her back, but I'm afraid to ask lol. Plus I think that's her job as she caused this! Thanks for your reply. I think if i was in your situation i would just ask her why she keeps contacting you dispite her dumping you. Anyway, my ex-GF isnt exactly a 'fighter', and if i remember correctly she never went back to any of her 30+ ex's for reconciliation or friendship and she always did all the dumping. (That gave me a "ruh roh!" feeling when i heard that after dating her for 2,5 years, 4-5 months later it was my turn to get dumped. ) Only difference is that insted of her other relationships that lasted between 1 week - 9 months, ours lasted 3 years and she was terrified and depressed at the thought of also losing me as a friend. But i warned her in advance that being friends would be practically impossible once she starts dating others. Usually she would date another guy/girl after just a few days, after me she waited 3 months till she dated someone else but she still had strong feelings for me when she did. My ex will likely not go to any extremes to get me back as a friend, or BF. Unless she ends up serial dating people, not finding happiness and getting depressed. Even though probably just to get me as a friend for emotional support or something. (And i'm done being a shoulder to cry on for women, i dont listen to their relationship problems anymore, counts double if they are an ex that dumped me. Should have just stayed with me, because i was an awesome BF she wouldnt have anything to complain about. ) According to her brother and some friends though, they had never seen her so happy and into a person as much as she was with me and never seen her wanting to stay friends with an ex afterwards except for me. So, impossible to say, i just wondered how to handle these things if it does happen. Edited October 16, 2011 by LoveNoob
Sugarkane Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 I went NC straight away and never broke it. More than a year later he hasn't contacted me, not even once. I hope I never hear from the jerk. He'll be using someone else now. Glad it's not me. Good riddance to ****e.
mike588 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 A lot of people seem to post about an ex breaking NC and approaching them for whatever reason. I'm kinda curious, how many of you have explicitidly told your ex you'd go NC but had an ex contact you anyway sometime later in your life? And how many just cut contact without a "im going NC" talk? Last, why did your ex contact you? The reason why i ask is that although the chance my ex-GF will ever contact me again is remote, i kinda would like to know what to expect if she does contact me for whatever reason and how to handle that. I did'nt tell my ex. g/f I was going no contact, I just did it. It's been approx. 7 weeks now and not a peep from her,,, I don't expect to hear from her because she's back with her ex.,,,,,maybe later though?
Author LoveNoob Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Lovenoob: Be careful what you wish for. Understood EgoJoe, and your warning is noted and understood. Hench why i want NC so i can properly focus on moving on, clear my mind and make a far better decision regarding her should i ever have to. For now, i have more healing to do with the NC, and overcome my fear and dread of being lonely. But i also dont want to suddenly go out clubbing, drinking etc in a desperate attempt to get a half-assed replacement through a rebound, fling or one-night-stand.
EgoJoe Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Some of the most seemingly benign contact can reduce you to tears after months of progress. You can and will get a grip quickly after that much time has passed but you may have a few days where you feel like you're moving in a daze devoid of anything benevolent.
Author LoveNoob Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) Some of the most seemingly benign contact can reduce you to tears after months of progress. You can and will get a grip quickly after that much time has passed but you may have a few days where you feel like you're moving in a daze devoid of anything benevolent. Very accurate description if i do say so. I think/expect it would have a higher chance of disrupting your life for a while if you havent put any thought into how you will respond if he/she does contact you after all. There was a girl about 5 years ago who i fell in love with and dated for a few months, afterwards i was silly enough to grand her request to stay friends with her while she dated others while i should have gone NC. (Notice how i learned from that experience ). Hearing about her going out with others made me feel bad and the friendship got strained. The friendship broke when she was being horrible towards a new girl i was dating and happy with, she literally started a competition with my GF to see who i cared most about. One she lost and i broke contact with her, the whole deal with her left a nasty dent in me. 2 years later she contacted me online and seemed curious about me, i totally didnt see it coming or thought about how i would react to her and i let her talk to me and answered her questions about how i was doing and if i was still dating the girl i was with 2 years earlier. When i said i was, she just laughed, called me an idiot and blocked me again. Que pasa? The ordeal once again left me feeling bothered for a few days, which was probably her goal... Edited October 16, 2011 by LoveNoob
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