Bgirl Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 So this is how the story goes. I met a guy whom I was dating for close to two months. The chemistry was amazing from the moment we met and had a very constant routine of seeing each other twice a week, spending weekends together, we would always be in touch etc.This was was a gentleman in every sense of the word, he kept his word always,treated me with respect, called me when he said he would, spent his weekends with me, supported me, etc. We shared and intense chemistry, and we shared same goals, we were like the male/female version of each other and we could communicate very well, valued each others opinions etc. We agreed that we would wait on sex until we know it feels special and he was very respectful of that. BUT there was a red flag in the beginning when I realized that he was bringing marriage up after 3 weeks only, not directly but saying things like when we marry we'll do this, he introduced me to his frd as his future wife, would talk about kids etc. This freaked me out so I asked him if at that point were just seeing each other or what was the deal. He said it was too soon to stop meeting other people and that he was just getting to know me, then he mentioned that he was expecting me to be seeing other guys and that he wanted to keep his options open This was the turning point. After this, he became distant and he wasnt as affectionate. I felt his change so I approached the topic and we had a discussion and we agreed on just seeing each other without entering an actual relationship, he admited that he felt really pressured after I asked him that question and he said that he was resenting me for closing his options but he wanted to continue dating me and he wanted things to work.He keep being constant with his efforts, as in seeing me twice a week, calling me etc, but his tone was different. Last weekend, we were fooling around and one thing led to another, after two months, and we had sex for the first time. He acted normal the next day, we cuddled, he took me out for breakfast, showed himself affectionate and we talked about plans for the next dates. Two days later we went for dinner and he broke up with me saying " In my head you are prefect in every single way, beautiful, smart, funny, friendly, nice, well educated, and we share the same values etc but my heart doesnt love you and I have been forcing myself to find it but I dont think that feeling is there for you" It was like a ton of bricks fell on me!! I felt horrible to hear "in my head ur perfect, but my heart doesnt love you" I got clouded so just said I dont want to date him like that and he asked to keep in touch coz he cared about me but I told him i wanted NC. I grabbed my stuff and left. Needless to say I am torned apart today. I feel horrible and I am trying to make sense of everything that happened. If he didnt 'feel' it then why did he continue seeing me. I know I didnt resist sex, but if he also moved forward with it why do it when he knew he wasnt feeling it? You would figure if he wanted sex only he woulda gotten it earlier if he had a girl on his bed every weekend, but he waited this long to break up with me after??? Some people say he was a gentleman for being honest, some say that he played me and had a hidden agenda. I just need some guidance here because I am very hurt and if waiting for sex is supposed to be a good thing, it certainly didnt play out that way for me and I am broken hearted The worse part for me is that I blame myself for askign that question after 3 weeks only, he made me feel like it was a desperate thing to do and I feel like I killed the nice tone of the relationship. He certianly changed after that
sugarmomma Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 You should wait for sex however when you do decide to have sex you both should want the same thing ie monogamy, fwb, **** buddies. The mistake you made was having sex without considering the numerous times he said he didn't want a serious relationship or "didn't love you". That would have made me run pretty fast. Maybe you thought that having sex would bring you closer? It didn't and it doesn't. Take this as a lesson learned to wait for sex but also have sex when the two of you want the same thing. Don't beat yourself up and stay away from this guy cause he's not into you like that.
alphamale Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 BUT there was a red flag in the beginning when I realized that he was bringing marriage up after 3 weeks only, not directly but saying things like when we marry we'll do this, he introduced me to his frd as his future wife, would talk about kids etc. and you fell for that? it's the oldest trick in the book...
january2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 To be fair, you were right to ask the question. His referring to marriage and introducing you as his future wife, prompted the question, in my opinion. Please don't think that you could have pre-empted all this by not speaking up. It's likely that it would have happened anyway and you would be beating yourself up about not saying anything. It really sucks that he kept you going for two months with promises and 'gentlemanly' behaviour. It could be that he is the kind of guy who is able to juggle his 'dates' in that way and then break up with them once he gets what he wants, regardless of how long it took him. Either way, yes, I'm afraid you got played. And yes, it was sh*tty the way that he did it. All you can really do now is get yourself on the road to recovery. Stick to NC no matter what happens. Don't put yourself in a position where he can hurt you again.
Author Bgirl Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 and you fell for that? it's the oldest trick in the book... No I didn't fall for it, this is why I called him on it and I asked him if we were just exclusively dating each other. He changed after that. Also , he told me he didnt love me after sex. Before then he would give me every indication that he was into me.
snug.bunny Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I think he just got caught up in the moment and then decided it wasn't what he wanted. He told you this on his own prompting, so he was forthright and honest. He shouldn't have had sex with you, but, let's be realistic here . And, it probably would have been best, had you not had sex with him either. he was bringing marriage up after 3 weeks only, not directly but saying things like when we marry we'll do this, he introduced me to his frd as his future wife, would talk about kids etc. He said it was too soon to stop meeting other people and that he was just getting to know me, then he mentioned that he was expecting me to be seeing other guys and that he wanted to keep his options open Tell him, "thanks for the mind f*ck"! He was resenting me for closing his options but he wanted to continue dating me and he wanted things to work. Jerk. He asked to keep in touch coz he cared about meJerk.
alphamale Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 No I didn't fall for it, this is why I called him on it and I asked him if we were just exclusively dating each other. neither party should ever bring up that subject until you've been together for 3 to 4 months... Also , he told me he didnt love me after sex. a boy doesn't need to "love" a girl to have sexual relations w/ her
Author Bgirl Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 neither party should ever bring up that subject until you've been together for 3 to 4 months... a boy doesn't need to "love" a girl to have sexual relations w/ her Well then dont make me look like a fool in front if your frds calling me his future wife and im his one and only. I know a boy doesnt need to love, and I wasnt expecting love after two months only. I dont love him either. But I do like him a lot. If he said he didnt have that 'feeling ' then why continue seeing me ?
alphamale Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Well then dont make me look like a fool in front if your frds calling me his future wife and im his one and only. well thats how you play a girl like a fiddle
alphamale Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 ' then why continue seeing me ? you were just a sexual conquest, nothing more, nothing less...smart guys know that sometimes it takes patience to get into a girls pants
Author Bgirl Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 you were just a sexual conquest, nothing more, nothing less...smart guys know that sometimes it takes patience to get into a girls pants Yes, maybe you are right.. I 'ver never heard of a guy waiting for 2 months!! to get into a girls pants only once, If he saw me as a sexual elements wouldnt you expect him to take advantage of that and #$% a me a few more times?
january2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Yes, maybe you are right.. I 'ver never heard of a guy waiting for 2 months!! to get into a girls pants only once, If he saw me as a sexual elements wouldnt you expect him to take advantage of that and #$% a me a few more times? No, sometimes once is enough. Especially, if he can get it elsewhere. Though perhaps he wanted to keep in contact to leave an opening for himself? Let's hope that you won't succumb to this.
alphamale Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Yes, maybe you are right.. I 'ver never heard of a guy waiting for 2 months!! to get into a girls pants only once, If he saw me as a sexual elements wouldnt you expect him to take advantage of that and #$% a me a few more times? here is how it plays out: guy meets chick in Jan and bangs her by March, same guy meets another girl in Feb and bangs her by April, then said guy meets a 3rd chick in March and bangs her by May. Ergo he's getting regular sex with differnt chicks every month
Author Bgirl Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 here is how it plays out: guy meets chick in Jan and bangs her by March, same guy meets another girl in Feb and bangs her by April, then said guy meets a 3rd chick in March and bangs her by May. Ergo he's getting regular sex with differnt chicks every month This is really embarrasing, means all his frds know the script and he prob takes every girl to meet them. I got to admit that meeting his frds ,I thought was a big step but know I feel like a big fool.
alphamale Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 This is really embarrasing, means all his frds know the script and he prob takes every girl to meet them. I got to admit that meeting his frds ,I thought was a big step but know I feel like a big fool. meeting friends means squat, meeting family memebers is another thing
Thieves Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Last weekend, we were fooling around and one thing led to another, after two months, and we had sex for the first time. He acted normal the next day, we cuddled, he took me out for breakfast, showed himself affectionate and we talked about plans for the next dates. This was a mistake on both of your parts, though unfortunately, moreso on yours as your instincts told you he was not equally into the relationship as you were (resenting you for closing his options, tone was different) and that you two did not want the same things. His words contradicted his actions, and sometimes vice versa, yet you went against your gut feeling and became sexual with him. But at least now you know what happens when you do that. Unfortunately, sometimes you don't always get out without getting hurt.. I got clouded so just said I dont want to date him like that and he asked to keep in touch coz he cared about me but I told him i wanted NC. I grabbed my stuff and left. But you did, however, do a great job with this. I imagine some people would've still stayed, hoping things would work out... You didn't sulk or wait around for him just so he could possibly do it again or string you along. One time was enough, and you left, and that's what counts for a lot on your part. You can still wait for sex like you've been doing, it's not useless, but sometimes you just take risks and it doesn't end up well. You would figure if he wanted sex only he woulda gotten it earlier if he had a girl on his bed every weekend, but he waited this long to break up with me after??? To be honest, two months isn't that long. Some people say he was a gentleman for being honest, some say that he played me and had a hidden agenda. I just need some guidance here because I am very hurt and if waiting for sex is supposed to be a good thing, it certainly didnt play out that way for me and I am broken hearted It's possible he was both. A gentleman in the beginning, where he was first getting to know you and possibly was genuinely interested in you, but a jerk after his feelings 'changed' and waiting after you two had sex to tell you that he didn't love you and was no longer interested. That is, if he ever did have any real feelings in the first place. If he did, he was likely feeling that way for a little while, but the opportunity for sex popped up, and he is a red-blooded male just like any other... so he waited till after. Figures. In any case, he could've been honest when he told you the little spiel of you being good 'on paper', but not feeling it in his heart for some reason or other. That happens, but only he really knows why that is. neither party should ever bring up that subject until you've been together for 3 to 4 months... Right, meanwhile both people are fumbling in the dark wondering what the hell is going on. The guy was the first one to hint at marriage, which yeah was weird, but which also could freak some women out. She probably couldn't tell if he was joking or really serious, and she was confused, so she asked. I'm assuming she wanted to know so she could tell him to slow the hell down. To me, to hint at marriage but then back off when a person actually brings it up is kind of being a coward. If he was playing her then, yeah, who cares. But it's not her fault she decided to be upfront about it.
Professor X Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Right.... How about I paint you a different picture other than him being this super stud, eh? He's one of those more emotion-oriented guys, thus he mentioned marriage super early into your RS. You called him out on it, which resulted in him crawling back to his "safe place" - him detaching from you. He kept seeing you in hopes of liking you again (you probably hurt him a lot when you called him out). That feeling didn't come back but he kept trying cause as he said, you're perfect in his mind. But the pressure was building in him cause the feelings were not there. You had sex and that was the last nail in the coffin. He felt way to bad after (but way to horny prior) and thus had to break it off with you.
alphamale Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 You had sex and that was the last nail in the coffin.. no, she was his conquest He felt way to bad after... trust me, he didn't feel bad...this guy is a predator
Mrlonelyone Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 I take it the OP is a young woman (< 25 years give or take a few). Allow me to be blunt but please do not take this the wrong way. Have you ever seen the movie Cruel Intentions? You have to try and look at it from a mans perspective not a young womans. If you meet a mans friends, or family other than parents (and even then it depends on the context) it means NOTHING.* Listen good: To a man the approval of friends, and family is irrelevant to his feelings one way or the other. I know that to young women what their friends, family, and even strangers think of them and their beau is of great importance...equal to or even greater than what you feel about them. Slick men know this and use it to their advantage. He played you, the whole thing was one big game. Heck *What does mean something, hopefully actually being married to the guy. Plenty of men have married women who were either good for appearances or good housekeepers, then just cheated on them. (i.e. HRH prince Charles and Dianna and Camilla for some reason.) Yes women do the same things too, marry a man and then use and discard him. It all comes down to learning how to judge character.
Professor X Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 no, she was his conquest trust me, he didn't feel bad...this guy is a predator How do you know? Cause no player I know wastes 2 months on 1 girl when he can be out there getting a girl each time he's out. Moreover, no player I know leaves after having sex just once with her especially when he knows she's now available to him for something more regular. I just don't agree with this all player thesis you build around the guy.
Imajerk17 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) Well, I definitely don't like how he handled things throughout the course of your relationship. I'd say that it definitely signaled maturity issues on his part. He caused a lot of confusion. It was entirely reasonable to be asking where things were going after his "marriage" statements 3 weeks in (even if he was joking). That said, guys have a tendency to get infatuated with a woman quickly, especially if sex hasn't happened or just occurred. The feelings don't always last. Not everyone is ready for a real relationship. A mature man will realize that and hold off from making promises he can't keep. This guy did not. You're better off without him. Edited October 16, 2011 by Imajerk17
alphamale Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 How do you know? Cause no player I know wastes 2 months on 1 girl when he can be out there getting a girl each time he's out. well, most women don't put out on the first, 2nd or 3rd date or even the 4th or 5th date. he's still getting regular sex with different broads even if he has to juggle a number of them for 6-8 weeks... i'm a man, i know about this stuff, i used to do it for a while until i burned out
Mrlonelyone Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 well, most women don't put out on the first, 2nd or 3rd date or even the 4th or 5th date. he's still getting regular sex with different broads even if he has to juggle a number of them for 6-8 weeks... i'm a man, i know about this stuff, i used to do it for a while until i burned out That's why I mentioned Cruel Intentions. Sebastian was a player who while working over one girl who was a sworn virgin, screwed several other women. It was a good movie because it was real enough. People really do that. He had the sworn virgin who was new to town live with his aunt. He did all sorts of volunteer work trying to impress her. He pulled every trick in the players manual.... things I have seen women report here. Heck I have know of cases of men who had two separate families in two different cities and they didn't know about eachother! A man who was on national TV no less.
Author Bgirl Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Ok maybe I'm being waaaaay to naive here, I'm not denying he is a player that idea is my mind BUT this guy spend saturday and Sunday with me. On Friday nights he called me from home, how did I know coz I could hear the TV and his roomate in the background and I would call at random times and he would be available. Rest of the week, he spent 2 days with me and the rest working (he owns a business and works lots). Whatever he told me he was doing, I would back it up with FB pictures, wall comments or tWitter updates from his company. He would always pick up the phone or text back in front of me and he would let me see who is calling or text right in front of me, never did he miss a call and it never did a girl call him. He added me to facebook and he hadnt added any other girls either. I mean maybe I'm blinded but he seemed pretty transparent to me....when did shag another girl.. on Monday nights? I think this has more to do with COMMITMENT ISSUES. Yes he seemed the type of guy who carries his emotions on his sleeve, so he was all hot at first but when I inquired about an actual commitment (based on his words) he freaked out and changed. This is when he stared distancing himself and he crawled back into his safe place. He knew I am perfect on paper so kept trying to 'feel' it again. Once we had sex, he though 'oh ****, now we are intimate and we I am somehow tied to her since we are now physical' so he freaked out and broke up with me..... how does that sound? I think he has major commitment issues. No other guy would freak out like that when asked if he is dating others. Plus his last ex was a 'psycho' like he calls her and really hurt him so he told me he wanted to go slow from the beginning to take less risks, including with sex coz it tends to cloud ur judgement... the prob is that with his marriage comments.. he wasnt going slow at all!
alphamale Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 That's why I mentioned Cruel Intentions. Sebastian was a player who while working over one girl who was a sworn virgin, screwed several other women. It was a good movie because it was real enough. People really do that. He had the sworn virgin who was new to town live with his aunt. He did all sorts of volunteer work trying to impress her. He pulled every trick in the players manual.... things I have seen women report here. Heck I have know of cases of men who had two separate families in two different cities and they didn't know about eachother! A man who was on national TV no less. indeed....
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