Fizzy1337 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I'm new to this forum and i need some serious help and advice from you experts who have gone through situations like this. I've been in a relationship for 2 years with a women im madly in love. She is the first women i actually "dated" and i fell for her hard. We had a lot of fights and whatnot but we always resolved them, and she made some terrible mistakes, but I don't think she actually cheated on me in the 2years. 3 weeks ago she asks me to pick her up from work and while driving her home she tells me she doesn't want to be with me and she wants no man in her life and would want to be only friends u know the usual break up. And being the puzzzy i am i started crying in front of her. Yikes I never see myself as a person that would cry. So i pester her pretty much everyday pretending to be a friend and whatnot little to my surprise she's been dating someone since the day after we broke up. This is a friend she had while we were dating so it was pretty dramatic to me. I couldn't believe it so yesterday she told me where she was and i wanted to hear it from her face and next thing u know i see her and her new boyfriend right there. I didn't panic and offered them a ride to her house and kinda got to knew the guy. He isn't too bad of a person. But wow it didn't seem so bad at first and then when I think about it. It seems like a made a huge mistake or something, by doing that. So now i told her that I don't think we should be friends and told her i'm happy for her. What should I do, what are my next steps. I love her so much and I actually would love to be with her even though she continues on hurting me this much. What do i do, i'm confused and in a state of panic. It's been 3 weeks now that i've been without her and the longer i'm away from her the more painful it is. I also let her borrow some money yesterday, I don't even know why I did that. She said she'll pay me back in a couple of days. I'm such an idiot FML
Author Fizzy1337 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 i could really use someones input. What do i do??
ken_25 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 alright man, first thing is forget about the mistakes you've made recently. Now, put things in perspective.. You were together for 2 years You were madly in love with her thus I'm sure you treated her pretty well she lied to you she completely betrayed you with another guy would you do this to her? is this something a good partner does? you are better off. This will be hard, but do not contact her. If you live together, if you have valuable things at her place, get them back. If you don't and you can do without the money you gave her then that's the best thing. You can start NC immediately and continue through a very hard process. No contact is best because it will prevent you from delaying your progress in moving on with your life. Best way to stay NC is delete her from your life for now. Erase her number if need be, delete her from Facebook and if her profile is public then block her, ignore her if she texts u "how are you" "do you hate me" "can we be friends", etc. Take your time to greave, don't bottle up you emotions, confront them and cope. Staying busy really helps, get back into hobbies, try new things, hang out with good friends and family members, post here as often as you need to, exercise, and just get to the next day, and then the next day and the next and on and on. It gets better man trust me. What's going on with this guy is a rebound, it will most likely not last but here's the thing.. IT DOES NOT MATTER. She left you for someone else, she is going off to make her mistakes now and you need to use this as an opportunity to focus on you and improving yourself.
ken_25 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 and remember... you WILL find someone else, you WILL find someone else that you deserve, you WILL find another partner who will make you even more happy than your ex. You may not think so now, but trust me, I'm right.
geegirl Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I love her so much and I actually would love to be with her even though she continues on hurting me this much. What do i do, i'm confused and in a state of panic. It's been 3 weeks now that i've been without her and the longer i'm away from her the more painful it is. I also let her borrow some money yesterday, I don't even know why I did that. She said she'll pay me back in a couple of days. I'm such an idiot FML You would love to be with her while she is with her new boyfriend? She's moving on to someone else and all you can do is step away and go through your pain. She is not wanting to be with you. You can't be with someone that does not want to be with you. I know you are hurt but you need to grasp the fact that she broke up with you. Unfortunately, the pain is going to get worse before it gets better. 3 weeks is still a fresh wound and what's worse if you are still in contact with her. Your pain will remain for as long as you keep her in your sights. Her new boyfriend should be helping her financially. Not you. Get your money back and move on, NC. The only way past this hurt is through it. There is no other way. Respect her new R, respect yourself and please step away from her.
Author Fizzy1337 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Thanks Ken and Fats for that it means alot , I have some things of mine that she currently has and she owes me some money and she's willing to pay me back asap and i think it's best if i get it back from her. When i do, what do i say to her when i see her??
Author Fizzy1337 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Unfortunately, the pain is going to get worse before it gets better. 3 weeks is still a fresh wound and what's worse if you are still in contact with her. Your pain will remain for as long as you keep her in your sights. Her new boyfriend should be helping her financially. Not you. Get your money back and move on, NC. The only way past this hurt is through it. There is no other way. Respect her new R, respect yourself and please step away from her. Your right, i will start a strict no contact policy with her asap.
ken_25 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Thanks Ken and Fats for that it means alot , I have some things of mine that she currently has and she owes me some money and she's willing to pay me back asap and i think it's best if i get it back from her. When i do, what do i say to her when i see her?? Anytime man. Be short with her, no need to be a complete ass, just simply take your stuff and money, say goodbye (or don't) and walk away.
Author Fizzy1337 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Anytime man. Be short with her, no need to be a complete ass, just simply take your stuff and money, say goodbye (or don't) and walk away. Okay ill keep it short and snappy, something like "Goodluck with your life, i wish the best for u , goodbye" ? And once i do that, i go on to a strict NC diet
geegirl Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Yes Fizzy, short and sweet. Then start NC, even if she comes back in any fashion, remember she is with someone else and she is his responsibility now, not yours. This is going to be hard. Come here and vent and let your feelings out. Lean on your friends and family. Never go to her as she is your source of pain, if you want comfort from the pain of missing her.
Author Fizzy1337 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Yes Fizzy, short and sweet. Then start NC, even if she comes back in any fashion, remember she is with someone else and she is his responsibility now, not yours. This is going to be hard. Come here and vent and let your feelings out. Lean on your friends and family. Never go to her as she is your source of pain, if you want comfort from the pain of missing her. Thanks <3 . I'm going to do just that, thing is I have a feeling that 1 day when she realizes she lost the real thing she might be coming back to me. I know that if she sends me 1 text that she'll already win me over. I have a very soft heart for her.
geegirl Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Thanks <3 . I'm going to do just that, thing is I have a feeling that 1 day when she realizes she lost the real thing she might be coming back to me. I know that if she sends me 1 text that she'll already win me over. I have a very soft heart for her. I hear you about the soft heart. But sometimes you have to look at the reality of things. Thinking with your heart will always stir you wrong when in these type situations. But NC will help you start detaching and thinking with your brain, not with your heart. I just hope she does not break NC with you. You have to ask yourself, what type of woman breaks up with a man and knows he is hurt but has the audacity to still ask him for money when she has a boyfriend and even worse, probably was seeing him while she was with you. That's the reality of this woman. Think before you let your heart take over.
Author Fizzy1337 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 You have to ask yourself, what type of woman breaks up with a man and knows he is hurt but has the audacity to still ask him for money when she has a boyfriend and even worse, probably was seeing him while she was with you. That's the reality of this woman. Think before you let your heart take over. I can see it now when u put it in that light. I have to strengthen myself very quickly and hopefully NC will get me on the right track. I have a feeling that a month or 2 down the line she'll say something like "i made a huge mistake" if u know what i mean. If it reaches that stage, do u think its possible to be in a relationship with her again is 2 months or so enough time for a person to change??
ken_25 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 I can see it now when u put it in that light. I have to strengthen myself very quickly and hopefully NC will get me on the right track. I have a feeling that a month or 2 down the line she'll say something like "i made a huge mistake" if u know what i mean. If it reaches that stage, do u think its possible to be in a relationship with her again is 2 months or so enough time for a person to change?? That's tough. I mean I know a guy I work with had his girl leave him for some other guy. The new guy ended up not turning out to be this great guy she thought he was, she came crawling back after 4 months and he took her back. They've been married for 20 years. Then I read time and time again about people taking their ex back, just to get left in the dust again and sometimes AGAIN. So that's hard to say. I would recommend staying away from people who do this. When you love and are committed to someone you simply do not pull this crap, you can do better.
geegirl Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 I can see it now when u put it in that light. I have to strengthen myself very quickly and hopefully NC will get me on the right track. I have a feeling that a month or 2 down the line she'll say something like "i made a huge mistake" if u know what i mean. If it reaches that stage, do u think its possible to be in a relationship with her again is 2 months or so enough time for a person to change?? Put "change" aside. First of all you have to ask yourself if you want to be with someone who may have been cheating on you. Not so much, I love her and wanting the security of an R but you need to ask yourself who you're actually investing in. Do you think you will feel secure knowing that she may have been playing the other side while with you. Can you actually feel safe and secure again? Love is never enough. An R cannot stand without loyalty, trust, compassion (didn't show that to you when you needed it), empathy (didn't show that to you when you needed it), etc. Instead she took your money. Selfish behavior. So you need to ask yourself why would you want to go back versus can I go back. Most times people "change" because they have ulterior motives and hence change is temporary. Sometimes people want to change with good intent in mind but if the work is not done, then the issues resurface. Sometimes, people work hard at change wanting to rebuild themselves but it's never a guarantee. She probably was cheating on you Fizzy. That's not "change" I would feel very secure about if she came back around.
Author Fizzy1337 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Thank u all. She said she will pay me my money tomorow i told her to do an online transfer because i dont want to see her... once i get this over with im going to go all out NC with her as much as i can. I'll keep u guys posted, thanks for the help and advice. Maybe if i take a good look at things during this NC period maybe then will i realize the kind of ass she is
Author Fizzy1337 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 I spoke on the phone with her for 10minutes last night and hearing her voice i felt so comfortable. I miss her so much, she said she's much happier with her new guy and the reasons for this are that she doesn't have to lie about things she can be upfront with him and so on and so forth and she said I was too serious. I really want her back i dont know why but i just want her, i love her. What do i do in order to get her back is there something i could do or is it too late it's been 3 weeks now
ken_25 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 My jaw dropped reading that last one bud. You really need to try and move on, especially now more than ever. Forget about going after her, you will only be wasting time, delaying the inevitable and prolonging your suffering. I don't see anyway to get her back, and trust me, you DON'T want a girl like this back. You will find someone better.
Author Fizzy1337 Posted October 19, 2011 Author Posted October 19, 2011 My jaw dropped reading that last one bud. You really need to try and move on, especially now more than ever. Forget about going after her, you will only be wasting time, delaying the inevitable and prolonging your suffering. I don't see anyway to get her back, and trust me, you DON'T want a girl like this back. You will find someone better. I don't know man i just love that girl too much. I'll continue to try and forget about her.
ken_25 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I'm not sure any of us can truly get through to you right now. Maybe you need to go stick your hand back in the fire and get burned before you start thinking more logically. So do what you feel deep down inside, go through the experience and learn for yourself.
musicSaves12 Posted October 19, 2011 Posted October 19, 2011 I don't know man i just love that girl too much. I'll continue to try and forget about her. Hey man you need to listen to these other people. DO NOT CALL, TEXT, EMAIL OR FB. Get out in the world, hang out with friends and do something fun. Just like the last post do what you think is best but if you really really want her back the only possible way is to show you have moved on and don't need her in your life. Then and only then will she ever think of coming back to you, although I would not hold my breath. Be confident in yourself and start moving forward. If you ever feel the need to contact this ex of yours post on here, there are lots of people to help you through the hard days ahead. Things will get better everyone here will tell you that. So think positive and you will feel better in the end.
Author Fizzy1337 Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 I'll listen to what u guys gotta tell me. She said she missed me and wanted to chill today and i told her i was busy. She is currently dating someone else. Thing is i gotta stay LC with her until i get my money from her and my things and she agreed to give them to me next friday.
ken_25 Posted October 21, 2011 Posted October 21, 2011 Good job. Just keep it all business with her, ok? Don't give in.
Author Fizzy1337 Posted October 21, 2011 Author Posted October 21, 2011 Good job. Just keep it all business with her, ok? Don't give in. I will never give in, i won't let her at all. Thanks for the support budd
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