thebig-guy Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 (edited) Ok need to kinda get this off my chest. If you read my previous posts you know about my breakup. Basically the ex works abroad and dumped me 2 weeks ago after what i thought was me not trying hard enough in the relationship. Anyway, i had suspicion that she was seeing someone over there. He works in the same hotel as her. After 2 weeks of no contact i was browsing facebook today and his profile popped up in my search box, so i had a nosey. Only to find a picture of him and my ex kissing at the dinner table... What confuses me is that i feel strangely calm??? Im not sure if im bottling it up but i almost feel as if ive been killed a little inside but at the same time been enlightened. I basically broke my NC with her and said i now know why we split up, because of this new guy. She replied instantly trying to explain herself saying he was nothing to do with us breaking up... but admitted she is seeing him... the wierd thing is she said " Yeah im seeing him, but this sh*t isnt serious with him as im going home in 2 weeks" why would she feel the need to tell me that? Although ive broke my no contact i think its fair to say ive got the closure i needed, dont you ? Only problem is shes home in 2 weeks. i still subconciously think that she might change... :/ Edited October 15, 2011 by thebig-guy
january2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Harsh though it is, you've broken up. This means that what she does and doesn't do, with whomever, whether for fun or in seriousness, it's no concern of yours. NC is for you to have space to heal. Every time you break it, the band-aid gets ripped off. It takes longer to heal and the scar tends to look worse. And nope, I don't think you've got closure. You've got a potential reason for the break-up but you don't have closure because you "still subconsiously think that she might change." Curiousity about the ex is a slippery slope.
Chi townD Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 why would she feel the need to tell me that? Guilt!!! She now knows that you know that you weren't the reason for the break-up. It was her being a cheating Ho! SO, she responded back saying that she's seeing this guy and it isn't serious...he had nothing to do with the break-up...blah...blah..." Basically, to make it look less than what it truely is.
CaliBabe Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I hate to say but she most likely was starting her relationship with this new dude while being with you. Whether it be flirting or more. This alone should let you know her level of betrayal and help you to move on. I wish you the best of luck in the healing process.
M2155 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Guilt!!! She now knows that you know that you weren't the reason for the break-up. It was her being a cheating Ho! SO, she responded back saying that she's seeing this guy and it isn't serious...he had nothing to do with the break-up...blah...blah..." Basically, to make it look less than what it truely is. Agree. I had this line from guys before, they wanted the option to get back with me when their "detour" was over.
MIK1000 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Ok need to kinda get this off my chest. If you read my previous posts you know about my breakup. Basically the ex works abroad and dumped me 2 weeks ago after what i thought was me not trying hard enough in the relationship. Anyway, i had suspicion that she was seeing someone over there. He works in the same hotel as her. After 2 weeks of no contact i was browsing facebook today and his profile popped up in my search box, so i had a nosey. Only to find a picture of him and my ex kissing at the dinner table... What confuses me is that i feel strangely calm??? Im not sure if im bottling it up but i almost feel as if ive been killed a little inside but at the same time been enlightened. I basically broke my NC with her and said i now know why we split up, because of this new guy. She replied instantly trying to explain herself saying he was nothing to do with us breaking up... but admitted she is seeing him... the wierd thing is she said " Yeah im seeing him, but this sh*t isnt serious with him as im going home in 2 weeks" why would she feel the need to tell me that? Although ive broke my no contact i think its fair to say ive got the closure i needed, dont you ? Only problem is shes home in 2 weeks. i still subconciously think that she might change... :/ I spoke to you about it when you made a thread at the time and about how freakishly similar our situations were and warned you to expect the worst (someone else being in the picture). By telling you that it isn't anything serious, she could be trying to relieve herself of shame in that she's trying to make it out that she didn't leave for this guy but that you broke up for other reasons. Who knows. The guy from the camp my ex was at lives like a 5 hour drive away from her but I've heard that he's been up visiting her every other weekend, so obviously they are trying for something serious. They are young and stupid though and don't realise how difficult a LD thing will be. When I found out about the other guy, while she was still away, I felt calm initially, then the heartbreak settled in. I think given that you've had longer to move on it won't be as dramatic for you though. Best way to think about it is that it doesn't matter what the hell she's doing now or who she's with because she's irrelevant to your life.
TheDovic Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Aww dude this is harsh!!! First off, she told you because she wants you to be around for her, BUT she is so not worth it if she can do this to you so easily. Secondly, you're calm now, so don't beat yourself up when this fades and you freak out. You're only human and the shock you're experiencing now and the other emotions you have yet to feel are all normal. Just keep talking to us BigGuy
wilsonx Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) Harsh though it is, you've broken up. This means that what she does and doesn't do, with whomever, whether for fun or in seriousness, it's no concern of yours. I do not agree with this post on this. It does matter if she was possibly dating someone or ended the relationship to date someone else. It doesn't allow them to play games like oh hey text me in 3 months and see if I am still mad at you. It's selfish behavior. If you are interested in someone else, be up front and honest about it, dont gaslight someone so they think they are worthless and then leave them dangling on a string for hope. Its emotional manipulation and cowardice. Trust me you can move on a lot faster knowing that your significant other left you for someone else then you just sit there wondering and taking 100% responsibility of the relationship ending on yourself. Closure this closure that, the second my ex finally admitted she did have feelings for the guy I got really suspicious about, NC was locked down like a champ. Edited October 17, 2011 by wilsonx
Author thebig-guy Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) Agree with this wilson: "Trust me you can move on a lot faster knowing that your significant other left you for someone else then you just sit there wondering and taking 100% responsibility of the relationship ending on yourself" Ok i exploded. Sent her, and him a couple of harsh messages. Ive only just started to calm down today. I think you guys are probably right that he is not just a bit of 'fun'. Shes already lied about him. It just pi$$es me off that she cant even admit it! She always used to be on my back saying she hates liers. Ill show you what my final message was to her, feel free to comment: Right charlotte. This is the final straw for me to be honest. I dont think its acceptable at all to have photos of you two kissing on facebook regardless of what happened through this breakup. You know how upset ive been, I could understand if it was 2 months down the line but its only been a few weeks!! Even if you are using him to get over me (which i doubt you are) you should be telling this man not to upload sh*t like that. My angers got the better of me lately and It will only get worse if i find out more about your new romance. You know, Ive had probably the best 2 weeks of my life lately, made loads of new friends and been offered a new job, and to find out that your seeing the person i suspected really boils my piss. Im sure youd be the same if you knew i was seeing pippa wouldnt you? Imagine a photo of us 2 kissing on facebook... its not nice is it? I want you to understand that I am NOT a different person. When you get home and look back on this you will realise that anything ive done is only because i love you, and clearly you've changed so much that you dont actually see me the same way anymore. I can live with that. Unfortunatley i will never change my view on why we broke up. I will hold my head high after all this as i know i did everything i could. I think the only way to bring an end to this is to block each other on here completely, dont you think? Clearly we cant be friends at this point in time, maybe in the future... Feel free to send a reply or block me before tommorow. Otherwise its a final goodbye from me. I need to move on. X Edited October 17, 2011 by thebig-guy
Chi townD Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I would be shocked if you get a response. Souinds like she's a coward and would run from any confrontations. Time to let it go and heal dude.
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