tripledubs Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I've been dating this girl for a little over 6 months. She has a history of abuse, sexual and physical. Her ex-boyfriend still contacts her with bipolar messages, saying he loves her still and then that he hates her. He stops by her house even on occasion, and it took me a good 2 months to get her to stop her from letting him in. This usually led to her getting beat up, and it KILLED me inside every time she'd hide what happened and tell me later. He still stops by, but she doesn't answer anymore. His number has been blocked. Now aside from those serious problems, our relationship with each other is amazing in person. However, the times we are away from each other are the hard times. Over the phone and webcam, she gets very easily annoyed when I don't talk much or have to leave. Even over little things, like having to eat dinner or having to do laundry, she tells me that I'm "not allowed" to leave. She gets annoyed. On several occasions when I have been annoyed with her or had to go, she resorted to other things. She has gone to hang out with another guy for a day, without telling me. Turns out she kissed him when he dropped her off, and she proceeded to tell me that night about everything and that she had feelings for him. Those went away though, apparently. A month later, she invited a different guy over. They watched a movie, they cuddled and kissed, and then she called me. She asked if he could spend the night. I said no, she got pissed. She told me nothing happened but the NEXT DAY she told me that she kissed and cuddled with him. Now most people would say I should have ended it there, but I didn't. Stupid me. I love the girl. Another month passes, and she goes to a party. She has a tendency to never remember anything when she drinks. But she continues to abuse alcohol anyways, even when I tell her I don't want her drinking. She kissed a guy and put her hand down his pants, while he did the same to her. Now 6 months we have been together, up and down. It's gotten to the point where every time she gets mad at me over something minor, I want to just leave her. I've given her my heart and forgiven her for everything, yet I do little things and she can't let them go. I love her so much and want to protect her, yet she won't let me. This is so hard. What do you guys think?
Desensitized Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Yeah... you gave your heart to a girl that DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. It's okay, most people have been with a girl like yours, so don't feel bad. You have White Knight Syndrome, which means you like to protect, fix, and take care of people. She doesn't respect you. She's cheated on your numerous times, but you are so blinded by the love you have for her. End it, and start healing. She will make every attempt in the book to get you back, but you have to resist. You'll probably end up having make-up sex with her while she tries to get you back; while that does seem great, you will just be prolonging the inevitable break up. Just move on (as hard as that may sound).
arcadiax Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Bud, I've been down the same road you have been, same type of girl, similar personalities. Leave her and forget her. Because it'll just destroy you inside. You're only 6 months in?? It was 4 years for me and it was 4 years of my life wasted and a hard lesson learned. Just cut your ties and go find someone who's deserving of you. Not someone who's going to mess with every guy that's around.
Author tripledubs Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Thank you for the responses. I agree I have my problem of trying to help her, no matter how bad she treats me. As for what I'd like to happen, in a perfect world, I'd want to help her resist the urge to abuse alcohol and get her to realize her ex is not someone she should still care about. He is a horrible person, and I guess I'm trying to make up for that. She says I'm the first nice guy she's ever been with. I don't think she appreciates me though and still has the never-ending need for attention. No matter what. I want her happy. However, I don't want to throw my life away in the process.
Desensitized Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 However, I don't want to throw my life away in the process.Then don't. All you can really do is get her the help she needs, BUT she has to want to change. Been in your situation before, and it's not fun.
MilfinBerle Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 six months is enough time to give her a fair shot and see what she's really all about you gave her a fair shot, now it's time to move on with no apologies or explanations necessary ditch this lunatic before you waste any more of your life think with your big head She says I'm the first nice guy she's ever been with. You realize that coming from her (or almost any woman), this is put-down, right?
betterdeal Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Thank you for the responses. I agree I have my problem of trying to help her, no matter how bad she treats me. As for what I'd like to happen, in a perfect world, I'd want to help her resist the urge to abuse alcohol and get her to realize her ex is not someone she should still care about. He is a horrible person, and I guess I'm trying to make up for that. She says I'm the first nice guy she's ever been with. I don't think she appreciates me though and still has the never-ending need for attention. No matter what. I want her happy. However, I don't want to throw my life away in the process. If I were in your position, I'd tell her (a) it's okay to ask for help (b) you don't like her blackouts, groping other men etc © you hope she finds the peace and love she's looking for (d) but you are too hurt by the relationship, the other men in her life, the anger and controlling behaviour and (e) to get back in touch with you when she has tidied up her loose ends, and then split up. You don't have to tell her any of that - it's your choice - but I do recommend you let go to protect yourself from further harm.
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