JammerJamming Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Hey all, This is my first post here, but i have been reading and basically getting the jist of what popular opinions and how genuine people here are for helping other solve there issues. Having rad now for a bit, I think i feel very comfortable to post here with my rather large dilemma. So it all starts with a girl i am now seeing. Me and her have had a "thing" for each other ever since we worked with one another 2 almost 3 yrs ago. but it was something we had never told or said to one another, but we had told friends. Back in April i bump into her after not seeing her for almost 2 yrs at her 21st birthday at a nightclub i frequently go (im 26) and she clings onto me from the moment she sees me. Basically tells me she always had a thing for me, and cant believe she found me. Well, never got her number and i couldn't find her on facebook to re-establish contact. fast forward to september and we randomly run into one another at best buy and we talk forever and exchange numbers and we start talking. unfortunately all we can basically do is talk on the phone and txt as she lives in ohio for a job transfer (i live in michigan) and we only for the time being get to see one another on the weekends. We go out a few times and we get past the awkwardness we had always had around one another, and eventually take it to the next step at my house. She at that point is all about me all of the time, constantly calling or txting and just 100% into me. Loving how get things are in between the sheets and that she has never felt like this before with any guys, and cant believe how perfect i am at everything (im a jack of all trades). Now fast forward a mth, and things start to get a lil distant. come to find out the ex started calling her again, and just checking up on her. Even though he threw her and her daughter out on her butt, told her he used her for financial gain, and just had her around for his benefit, she is still attached to the thought of him. Today we had a big disgussion on the matter. She says she would only get back with him to get even, and that she doesnt want to do the same to me like what was done to her. She is very lost and confused on what to do as all of her best friends absolutely hate teh ex and love me and keep telling her to make the next step with me. One of her best friends actually isnt speaking to her at the moment because she doesnt like the fact that she is more or less blowing me off for the ex. Im stuck between a real rock and a hard place as what to do. I have contacted a friend of mine that has also dated this same guy and had almost the identical thing happen to her. and looking for advise from her as to how she got over it, and how her current boyfriend was able to help her. Im sure there is more to say that im leaving out, and i can go on and on about the details, but this seems to be the summed up version. I appreciate everyones help in advance - James
ShannonMI Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Hey all, This is my first post here, but i have been reading and basically getting the jist of what popular opinions and how genuine people here are for helping other solve there issues. Having rad now for a bit, I think i feel very comfortable to post here with my rather large dilemma. So it all starts with a girl i am now seeing. Me and her have had a "thing" for each other ever since we worked with one another 2 almost 3 yrs ago. but it was something we had never told or said to one another, but we had told friends. Back in April i bump into her after not seeing her for almost 2 yrs at her 21st birthday at a nightclub i frequently go (im 26) and she clings onto me from the moment she sees me. Basically tells me she always had a thing for me, and cant believe she found me. Well, never got her number and i couldn't find her on facebook to re-establish contact. fast forward to september and we randomly run into one another at best buy and we talk forever and exchange numbers and we start talking. unfortunately all we can basically do is talk on the phone and txt as she lives in ohio for a job transfer (i live in michigan) and we only for the time being get to see one another on the weekends. We go out a few times and we get past the awkwardness we had always had around one another, and eventually take it to the next step at my house. She at that point is all about me all of the time, constantly calling or txting and just 100% into me. Loving how get things are in between the sheets and that she has never felt like this before with any guys, and cant believe how perfect i am at everything (im a jack of all trades). Now fast forward a mth, and things start to get a lil distant. come to find out the ex started calling her again, and just checking up on her. Even though he threw her and her daughter out on her butt, told her he used her for financial gain, and just had her around for his benefit, she is still attached to the thought of him. Today we had a big disgussion on the matter. She says she would only get back with him to get even, and that she doesnt want to do the same to me like what was done to her. She is very lost and confused on what to do as all of her best friends absolutely hate teh ex and love me and keep telling her to make the next step with me. One of her best friends actually isnt speaking to her at the moment because she doesnt like the fact that she is more or less blowing me off for the ex. Im stuck between a real rock and a hard place as what to do. I have contacted a friend of mine that has also dated this same guy and had almost the identical thing happen to her. and looking for advise from her as to how she got over it, and how her current boyfriend was able to help her. Im sure there is more to say that im leaving out, and i can go on and on about the details, but this seems to be the summed up version. I appreciate everyones help in advance - James Let this girl go for now. If she's not over her ex, then things with you and her will not progress much further. And she wants to get back together with him to get even with him? That's not a good thing. What kind of game playing is that? I wouldn't want to deal with a person like her if I was you, but I know how it can be when you really like someone. You'll look past all sorts of red flags like that. Just let it go for now is my advice.
Author JammerJamming Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Yes, thats what im thinknig as well. I just got a msg from my friend that dated the same guy, and she wants to talk to her. She had the same exact feelings, and her biggest help she says was finding a different guy, and having one of the ex's to talk to to help her understand and move on from him. Basically she says he was a womanizer that does over and over again to his girlfriends what his ex wife did to him. Right now i care enough to help her out on moving on more so than just being in a relationship with me. I just dont want her to get stuck in a rut, and not be able to get out of it and regret missing out on good things that come her way. Her other buddies are just telling her what to do, no one is showing her.
ShannonMI Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Yes, thats what im thinknig as well. I just got a msg from my friend that dated the same guy, and she wants to talk to her. She had the same exact feelings, and her biggest help she says was finding a different guy, and having one of the ex's to talk to to help her understand and move on from him. Basically she says he was a womanizer that does over and over again to his girlfriends what his ex wife did to him. Right now i care enough to help her out on moving on more so than just being in a relationship with me. I just dont want her to get stuck in a rut, and not be able to get out of it and regret missing out on good things that come her way. Her other buddies are just telling her what to do, no one is showing her. How are you going to show her how to move on? And why is it your responsibility to do it? Someone who is hung up on their ex is going to stay that way for a good amount of time. Believe me, I was hung up on my ex for a long time. Sometimes, I STILL feel like I'm hung up on him. It takes time to move on. How long was she with this guy and how long has she been broken up with him? I was with my ex for 8 years and we've been broken up for a year and a half. I've dated, but I still think about him and compare the new guys to him. Is it a hang up? Yeah for sure. It will get better with time of course, but it takes awhile.
Author JammerJamming Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 How are you going to show her how to move on? And why is it your responsibility to do it? Someone who is hung up on their ex is going to stay that way for a good amount of time. Believe me, I was hung up on my ex for a long time. Sometimes, I STILL feel like I'm hung up on him. It takes time to move on. How long was she with this guy and how long has she been broken up with him? I was with my ex for 8 years and we've been broken up for a year and a half. I've dated, but I still think about him and compare the new guys to him. Is it a hang up? Yeah for sure. It will get better with time of course, but it takes awhile. Not so much me showing her, that was bad grammer on my part. My friend knows exactly what she is going through as she had the same issue. I believe they were together for about 10mths, and have been broke up for 6mths now.
ShannonMI Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Not so much me showing her, that was bad grammer on my part. My friend knows exactly what she is going through as she had the same issue. I believe they were together for about 10mths, and have been broke up for 6mths now. Oh ok. Well considering it wasn't that long of a relationship, it won't take as long to get over. At least it shouldn't, but everyone is diffrent. I agree that dated other guys will help her get over her ex, but do you want to be one of those guys? Especially if she's talking like she wants to be with him again to seek revenge. I would steer clear of this girl, personally.
ShannonMI Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 And what was so great about this ex of hers? If he was a womanizer, who would be hung up on him? Did you say she has a child with him? I guess that could be a reason.
Author JammerJamming Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 He has a history of sucking them in and dropping them when they get most attached. Acting as if he is ready to settle down, then saying no when they get close, this is from what i gather. From what happened to my other friend and what happened to her, its almost identical situations and feelings. She doesnt have a child with him no. with another guy.
Imajerk17 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 When a woman keeps running back to an ex who mistreats her, SHE is the one who has issues, James. Not your job to rescue people bro.
ShannonMI Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 When a woman keeps running back to an ex who mistreats her, SHE is the one who has issues, James. Not your job to rescue people bro. Yep very true. I'd let this girl go. I'm sure there are plenty of other women that you can date. It's not your responsibilty to help her move on from this dude.
Kaplan Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I'm fascinated by the power this guy has over women. Every woman in your town is hung up on him and he's obviously a terrible guy. What's his secret?
ShannonMI Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I'm fascinated by the power this guy has over women. Every woman in your town is hung up on him and he's obviously a terrible guy. What's his secret? He's probably charming and good looking. Most womanizers are. A lot of women would get sucked into that. What I don't get is why they still want anything to do with him after they realize he's a D-bag. Some women are just gluttons for punishment, I suppose.
Author JammerJamming Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 I'm fascinated by the power this guy has over women. Every woman in your town is hung up on him and he's obviously a terrible guy. What's his secret? I honestly dont know. The more me and my friend are catching up now, and the more she says, its the exact same identical story as the girl im with now. Its really kind of crazy to be honest. So i honestly dont know. The girls i know that have hooked up with him are creeped out by him at first then seem to cave into him asking them out. Then charm them with promises of marriage, buying a house, financial gain, then boom, he ditches them.
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