Engadget Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 My best friend from high school, and longtime friend with benefits died last week and no one knows how. To say her family is dysfunctional is an understatement, with a lot of physical and emotional abuse involved. She had MS, so I'm not sure if that had something to do with it but I worry it could have been something else. We stayed in touch, rather she'd contact me when she was on the rocks with her husband (ex-husband now, which I'll get to in a second) which he was never happy about. Fast-forward to today, finding out about it and looking up info. The funeral is private per her family (not surprised) and she divorced her husband some months back. Strangely enough her ex-husband is now dating a girl I was involved with when I was single, which is weird as hell to me. Either way, I'm sad she's gone as she was a great friend for many years even though her marriage forced us not to talk, and she swore off talking to me post-divorce because I had a girlfriend and she was afraid we'd have sex again. Worse is I can't even attend the funeral because of her family. If it was a normal family I'd accept this, but they were abusive and I had been there to witness it, and when I did something about it was no longer ever allowed there. Sad, makes me realize I could die at any moment too.
Lobouspo Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 We are all just passing through OP...none of us never know when our number is up. My sincere condolences on the loss of your friend. I hope you get some answers and eventual closure on her untimely passing.
freestyle Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Condolences for your loss---I lost one of my dearest friends just over a year ago, so I understand the pain. It does do a number on your head---and it can change your perspective , when thoughts of your own mortality come to the surface.... If you're unable to go the funeral, maybe you could take an evening, or an afternoon, and do your own private memorial for her memory---drink a toast, listen to music that was important to her--just spend some time honoring her memory.......... Doing that might help you feel better............ again, very sorry for your loss.
Queen Zenobia Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 That's very sad. Although I've never had a good friend of mine pass away, a few former classmates of mine have, some fairly recently. It's very surreal to think about people your own age dying, especially when you're not even old. Gives you some perspective. It's still sad though.
Art_Critic Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 That is so sad.. sorry for your loss.. Have you thought about contacting a member of the family to see if you could pay your respects ?
Author Engadget Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 That is so sad.. sorry for your loss.. Have you thought about contacting a member of the family to see if you could pay your respects ? Unfortunately I found out she committed suicide, and now I feel horrible. When she contacted me during her divorce months back she was acting weird, then all of a sudden told me not to contact her and blocked me on facebook. I was confused as to why until now, and I feel guilty for not trying to get back in touch with her. She always told me she was never able to talk to anyone like she did to me, especially in regards to her oftentimes abusive parents. Going to the funeral probably won't happen, because her parents are scumbags and hate me for standing up to their abuse of her and her sisters. I'd be as likely to hit them as I would to shake their hand.
Art_Critic Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Maybe you could find her online obit and post something there, it might make you feel better. You can also visit the gravesite after the funeral and pay your last respects then too... Try not to feel responsible for her death.. it wasn't your fault and no.. you could not have done anything to stop it. She chose to push you away and you were right to do what she said..
Author Engadget Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Maybe you could find her online obit and post something there, it might make you feel better. You can also visit the gravesite after the funeral and pay your last respects then too... Try not to feel responsible for her death.. it wasn't your fault and no.. you could not have done anything to stop it. She chose to push you away and you were right to do what she said.. Already did find the obituary on the funeral home's site, so I did that. If I find out where the gravesite is, I will. I'm not sure the family will tell anyone though.
Art_Critic Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 The day after the funeral you could call the funeral home and see if they will tell you where she is buried.. Many times an obit will have that info or if they are cremated will talk about that too.. I'm guessing her family did put that in her obit. Sorry man...
Author Engadget Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 The day after the funeral you could call the funeral home and see if they will tell you where she is buried.. Many times an obit will have that info or if they are cremated will talk about that too.. I'm guessing her family did put that in her obit. Sorry man... Unfortunately the obit gives no info on it, just that she died and names family members.
Emilia Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 In a graveyard the new burial site with fresh graves is often noticeable. If you know which graveyard she is buried in, you should be able to find her grave just by walking to that area. I'm very sorry for your loss, you had to respect her wishes and cut contact.
HeavenOrHell Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Very sorry to hear this, when someone pushes you away, there's not really anything much you can do, really horrible situation.
Author Engadget Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 Very sorry to hear this, when someone pushes you away, there's not really anything much you can do, really horrible situation. Yeah I still feel awful about it, I just wish she had called me. I feel like I could have changed the outcome, but my rational side knows there was probably nothing I could have done. It's just one of those things where my mind doesn't want to accept that it happened.
Emilia Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Wonder if her husband found out you were ****ing her and that was affecting the divorce. Do you really think this sort of comment is appropriate on a thread like this?
Citizen Erased Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Is an honest opnion too much to handle? She was going through a divorce and suddenly cut her friend with benefits off. Could that not be the reason why? Should he not know that playing friends with benefits with a married person could have serious repercussions. He may need to think about this for future philandering. Someone died and you want to preach? Time and a place for everything, this isn't one of them. I'm sorry for your loss E.
freestyle Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Yes we should all bury our head in the sand that the person who commited suicide was a woman who he was having a friends with benefits situation with just because he is upset she died? Why hide from our situation or white wash it? He knows the score. Let's coddle him and not to worry that they were ****ing around and she cut him off just as a divorce began. Yes the solution to everything. Coddle coddle coddle it is what makes our world such a happy spoiled little place. No responsibility for your deeds. Oh and while we are at it let's tell him he needs to try to go to the funeral of the woman he was ****ing just for the fun of it while she was married. Yes that is what he should do. Show up at the funeral. Who knows maybe her exhusband will be there and hold him responsible. I think it is a stupendously wonderful idea. Ain't that just the berries! I don't see where you came up with this presumption, based on the OP. If you go back and reread the opening post, and Engadget's subsequent posts-- It sounds like they were out of touch during her marriage--she didn't contact him UNTIL there was a divorce in the works. How did you come up with him messing around with her while she was married? What I got from reading the OP's posts was that they were (note, past tense) FWB, and fell out of touch while she was married, and he didn't hear from her until she was getting divorced. quote by Engadget: "she was a great friend for many years even though her marriage forced us not to talk" At what point did the OP say the FWB situation continued during the marriage? The OP is mourning the loss of someone who had a special place in his heart. I don't think this is a good time to be clubbing him over the head-------- especially based on a speculation on your part.
Art_Critic Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Your a piece of work kristismiles.... Bitter much ? .. in fact so bitter that you come onto a thread that hasn't anything to do with cheating and berate the OP who just lost his high school friend.. Someone should take your fricken keyboard from you so you can't further publish your inconsiderate garble.
Citizen Erased Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 Yes we should all bury our head in the sand that the person who commited suicide was a woman who he was having a friends with benefits situation with just because he is upset she died? Why hide from our situation or white wash it? He knows the score. Let's coddle him and not to worry that they were ****ing around and she cut him off just as a divorce began. Yes the solution to everything. Coddle coddle coddle it is what makes our world such a happy spoiled little place. No responsibility for your deeds. Oh and while we are at it let's tell him he needs to try to go to the funeral of the woman he was ****ing just for the fun of it while she was married. Yes that is what he should do. Show up at the funeral. Who knows maybe her exhusband will be there and hold him responsible. I think it is a stupendously wonderful idea. Ain't that just the berries! Please point out when the OP said she was cheating on her husband with him. Freestyle's post is a good reference point before you reply. I can take the infraction: you're a ****ing moron. How DARE you bring your agenda into a thread, make assumptions out of nothing and continue to spout your mouth off. There's the OW and infidelity sections for your little agenda. I suggest you use them.
Citizen Erased Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 That whole friends with benefits thing just gets up my crawl. Was it necessary to the story that they had sex for the fun of it? I think it totally diminished the friendship and how he cared about her. Just made it seem like yea she was a **** buddy. in other words someone you do not care enough about to have a real relationship with but hey you can mindlessly **** them to get off. Oh so now you're wrong, suddenly you're against their once FWB setup? :lmao:
Trimmer Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 That whole friends with benefits thing just gets up my crawl. Was it necessary to the story that they had sex for the fun of it? I think it totally diminished the friendship and how he cared about her. Just made it seem like yea she was a **** buddy. in other words someone you do not care enough about to have a real relationship with but hey you can mindlessly **** them to get off. Given that it's a public message board, you certainly have the right to state this opinion; that doesn't make you any less of an azzhole for doing it on this thread, though. He said LONGTIME friends with benefits and he said she would contact him when she was on the outs with her husband now exhusband. He said she ceased contact when he had a girlfriend because she was afraid they would have sex. Sure sounds to me contact = sex. She contacted him while married and angry with her husband not when she was divorced. So you based your vicious attack on a grieving friend on the basis of thin assumptions? Why not ask for clarification first so you could actually understand? Why not ask for clarification now that the question has been raised? Because you have such a need to project your anger, that you'll defend your position, and you don't really care about the truth? (e.g. as soon as your assumptions are called into question, vectoring off into "Oh, I just hate the FWB thing....")
thehead Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 kristismiles.. please stop posting... Seriously.
Author Engadget Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 Yes we should all bury our head in the sand that the person who commited suicide was a woman who he was having a friends with benefits situation with just because he is upset she died? Why hide from our situation or white wash it? He knows the score. Let's coddle him and not to worry that they were ****ing around and she cut him off just as a divorce began. Yes the solution to everything. Coddle coddle coddle it is what makes our world such a happy spoiled little place. No responsibility for your deeds. Oh and while we are at it let's tell him he needs to try to go to the funeral of the woman he was ****ing just for the fun of it while she was married. Yes that is what he should do. Show up at the funeral. Who knows maybe her exhusband will be there and hold him responsible. I think it is a stupendously wonderful idea. Ain't that just the berries! You're talking out of your ass just so you know, nothing went on while she was married. Her and I were best friends, then were FWB (relevant to the story because she wasn't JUST a friend) then she get married and we stopped talking until she'd occasionally contact me out of the blue. Where the hell did you get that I was sleeping with her while she was married?
Emilia Posted October 18, 2011 Posted October 18, 2011 That whole friends with benefits thing just gets up my crawl. Was it necessary to the story that they had sex for the fun of it? I think it totally diminished the friendship and how he cared about her. Just made it seem like yea she was a **** buddy. in other words someone you do not care enough about to have a real relationship with but hey you can mindlessly **** them to get off. You are a complete moron. Shooting your gob off and you don't even know what you are talking about. F** off
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