irc333 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 ....they will go out with you. There was this woman I just met online, we are into the same interests that most nerds are into. When we had been talking, I've noticed she'd answer all my questions about herself, but she hadn't asked one question about me, personally. Is just a person's way of communicating? Or do they just not care? I recall a date I went out with a woman, and she was mostly talking about herself the entire time (yeah, the theory is right....LET a woman talk about herself, they love that) But the catch is, they might not give a crap about you. I mentioned to the previous date, "You know, you haven't asked a question about me, is there anythign you'd like to know?" ANd she said, "Well, I typically don't ask about others because they'll eventually volunteer the info anyway." So, what do you think? A cavelier attitude or just their style of conversation?
watermelonjuice Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 ....they will go out with you. There was this woman I just met online, we are into the same interests that most nerds are into. When we had been talking, I've noticed she'd answer all my questions about herself, but she hadn't asked one question about me, personally. Is just a person's way of communicating? Or do they just not care? I recall a date I went out with a woman, and she was mostly talking about herself the entire time (yeah, the theory is right....LET a woman talk about herself, they love that) But the catch is, they might not give a crap about you. I mentioned to the previous date, "You know, you haven't asked a question about me, is there anythign you'd like to know?" ANd she said, "Well, I typically don't ask about others because they'll eventually volunteer the info anyway." So, what do you think? A cavelier attitude or just their style of conversation? You've asked a question I've always wondered. To me, that just shows they're not interested (even if it's not true of what they really feel) but just want someone to hang out with. Hell, I don't even think asking questions shows interest. Asking follow-up questions to your answers does. That shows they're listening and genuinely want to know more.
WhiteChocolate Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Oh. My. Gosh. I just went out for lunch with a non-close friend and she spent the entire time talking about herself. I would volunteer a sentence or two, then ask a question, and she'd dive right back into talk about herself. I don't really know a word for what I feel right now. A kind of guilty mix of slight irritation and frustrated. I mean, it was great getting to know her better, but I wish I had the chance to direct the conversation to get to know HER deeper than to know all the details of what she did at the Texas State Fair....I tried, but evidently failed. I guess it is a conversation style, to make shallow small talk for an hour. But it kind of pissed me off, to be honest.
watermelonjuice Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Oh. My. Gosh. I just went out for lunch with a non-close friend and she spent the entire time talking about herself. I would volunteer a sentence or two, then ask a question, and she'd dive right back into talk about herself. I don't really know a word for what I feel right now. A kind of guilty mix of slight irritation and frustrated. I mean, it was great getting to know her better, but I wish I had the chance to direct the conversation to get to know HER deeper than to know all the details of what she did at the Texas State Fair....I tried, but evidently failed. I guess it is a conversation style, to make shallow small talk for an hour. But it kind of pissed me off, to be honest. Would you want to go out with her again?
Author irc333 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 You've asked a question I've always wondered. To me, that just shows they're not interested (even if it's not true of what they really feel) but just want someone to hang out with. Hell, I don't even think asking questions shows interest. Asking follow-up questions to your answers does. That shows they're listening and genuinely want to know more. Well, with this one currently, I have the motto of, "You don't really know until you meet" She is an attractive, middle aged female nerd (rare find, lol) that I did get her digits....so even after the volley of emails, she's still interested. Unless she is one of those social butterflies that gives her phone number to everyone and very generous in giving it out. I asked her questions about what she liked, specific venues she likes to hang out at, and also she even likes the same places I like to hang out at....I'm going to steer the conversation to more a personal level than her hobbies a little later.
Author irc333 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 ...ah...it makes sense now...she has "wants to date, but nothing serious". Which means free dinners for her...and not caring an inkling about you. I must've overlooked that part. She might be a sport dater, which makes sense that she's into herself more than anyone she'll be dating. Not sure why people date, but want nothing serious, because isnt' that the point of dating, is to eventually find somethings serious?
Pasttense Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 "Not sure why people date, but want nothing serious, because isnt' that the point of dating, is to eventually find somethings serious?" Go to any of the online dating services and you will see several different options as to what people want. For example at Plenty of Fish: For: Anything Hangout Long term Dating Friends Intimate Encounter Intent: Anything Casual Dating/No Commitment Wants to date but nothing serious Wants a Relationship Is Putting Serious Effort into Finding Someone Wants to Find someone to marry Exclude Casual dating/no commitment
The Tiger Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Not sure why people date, but want nothing serious, because isnt' that the point of dating, is to eventually find somethings serious? For sex!!!
FitChick Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I don't like giving a lot of personal information to someone I've just met. Most men prefer talking about themselves anyway and are flattered you seem so interested. I like to ask a lot of questions so I can decide if I want to continue to see them. Red flags and all that.
Author irc333 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Yeah, it's a marketing thing for the website, just brings more traffic to it by creating so many options. "Not sure why people date, but want nothing serious, because isnt' that the point of dating, is to eventually find somethings serious?" Go to any of the online dating services and you will see several different options as to what people want. For example at Plenty of Fish: For: Anything Hangout Long term Dating Friends Intimate Encounter Intent: Anything Casual Dating/No Commitment Wants to date but nothing serious Wants a Relationship Is Putting Serious Effort into Finding Someone Wants to Find someone to marry Exclude Casual dating/no commitment
Cypress25 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I automatically disregard anyone who has "wants to date but nothing serious" or "not looking for a relationship or any type of commitment" on their profile. What that really means is "I just want to hit it." Guys like that aren't for me. To answer your question, that kind of conversation style generally shows that the person is self-absorbed. Clearly, this girl thinks the most interesting topic is herself. When I'm on a date, I always ask the guy questions about his hobbies, his interests, his life, etc. Because I want to get to know him, and I can't do that by talking about myself all night. If you're genuinely interested in the other person, you can't help but ask them questions. If she's not doing that, it means she's not really interested in getting to know you.
Author irc333 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 She's in the entertainment industry, which means she's in contact with a lot of people. She actually works at a theme park as one of the "characters" at the location. (No she doesn't wear a big hot costume where she gets punched and kicked by kids) but it's more of a costume that involves more of swimsuit-like attire and she free lances as a celebrity look-a-like. You'd figure after a lot of exposure to the public, she'd have men asking her out face to face, and wouldn't need an online dating site. I saw a post on her FB wall by a guy that thanked her being his date to a certain event, but I never saw a "you're welcome". response. So I'm starting to think she's more into herself than anyone else. We'll see after a few emails. I automatically disregard anyone who has "wants to date but nothing serious" or "not looking for a relationship or any type of commitment" on their profile. What that really means is "I just want to hit it." Guys like that aren't for me. To answer your question, that kind of conversation style generally shows that the person is self-absorbed. Clearly, this girl thinks the most interesting topic is herself. When I'm on a date, I always ask the guy questions about his hobbies, his interests, his life, etc. Because I want to get to know him, and I can't do that by talking about myself all night. If you're genuinely interested in the other person, you can't help but ask them questions. If she's not doing that, it means she's not really interested in getting to know you.
WhiteChocolate Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I can't really imagine that someone would go on a date, talk about themselves but not ask to find out anything about the other person, have sex, but not enter into a relationship with someone because they don't know about the other person. If the person was dating for sex/a relationship, it's still smart to learn SOMETHING about the other person instead of just blabbing about yourself . And either way, you are "interested" in them for something. Would you want to go out with her again? No. I'm a girl btw, and straight. But can I really blame her? Because it's not like I decided to go ahead and talk about myself. I was the one mainly asking questions and providing positive feedback, and she was answering them. This might also be applied to dating. I mean, for some people, maybe the thought of asking questions about the other person just never cross their minds. It's not that they are rude or selfish, it's just not what is going on in their minds at the time. I think the best situation would be in which one person talks about themselves for a while, then asks about the other person. Then they just trade off, instead of someone dominating the conversation. Maybe?
somedude81 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I was under the impression that it is just something that women do. Whenever I'm out with a girl, the conversation is almost always 80/20 her.
Cypress25 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I was under the impression that it is just something that women do. Gender stereotypes. I am officially offended. Not all women do that. Although, if you're the type of guy who doesn't say much on a date, the woman might start rambling just to fill the awkward silence. In this case, she wants you to say something, so make sure you hold up your end of the conversation.
january2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I find it a passive and lazy style of communication. Agree with watermelonjuice that asking questions shows the other person that you are interested in them and that you are holding up your end of the conversation. It is an interview of sorts, but it's meant to be two-way, no? Perhaps she has too many options and you're one of them? That is, she doesn't feel like she needs to put in any effort and wants the guys to do all the work. I'd question whether she also expects you to initiate everything else and not just the conversation. If that floats your boat, I guess another date is on the horizon. If not, then leave her to her other admirers.
somedude81 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Gender stereotypes. I am officially offended. Not all women do that. Although, if you're the type of guy who doesn't say much on a date, the woman might start rambling just to fill the awkward silence. In this case, she wants you to say something, so make sure you hold up your end of the conversation. ROFL, did you not read the second part of my post? It's only two sentences long When I'm out with a girl, there is never any awkward silences. I'm always able to keep a conversation going. I'm very good at active listening. Rarely has a girl asked me about myself and I don't bring me up either. It's just the way things have been and this was been for almost every girl I've spent time with.
Author irc333 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 ROFL, did you not read the second part of my post? It's only two sentences long When I'm out with a girl, there is never any awkward silences. I'm always able to keep a conversation going. I'm very good at active listening. Rarely has a girl asked me about myself and I don't bring me up either. It's just the way things have been and this was been for almost every girl I've spent time with. It's like that commercial where the girl said, "I was reading an article online........well, I was reading part of an article online....." "WHaaaaaat...that's not a puppy! THat's too small to be a REAL puppy" lol
Cypress25 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 ROFL, did you not read the second part of my post? It's only two sentences long I read it. You said the conversation is almost always 80/20 her. Meaning 80% of the convo is about her, right? I'm glad you're a good conversationalist. Some guys think all they have to do on a date is show up, and then they wonder why the girl talks so much. Um, maybe because she was trying to get a conversation going? Rarely has a girl asked me about myself and I don't bring me up either. Well, she should ask about you, but you can also say something about yourself as it relates to her. For example, "Scream is your favorite movie? I love horror movies too! My favorite is..." And then the two of you can bond over your shared interest.
watermelonjuice Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Not sure why people date, but want nothing serious, because isnt' that the point of dating, is to eventually find somethings serious? I asked this question in a separate thread. I automatically disregard anyone who has "wants to date but nothing serious" or "not looking for a relationship or any type of commitment" on their profile. What that really means is "I just want to hit it." Guys like that aren't for me. To answer your question, that kind of conversation style generally shows that the person is self-absorbed. Clearly, this girl thinks the most interesting topic is herself. When I'm on a date, I always ask the guy questions about his hobbies, his interests, his life, etc. Because I want to get to know him, and I can't do that by talking about myself all night. If you're genuinely interested in the other person, you can't help but ask them questions. If she's not doing that, it means she's not really interested in getting to know you. I disregard people with those words in a profile but that's not foolproof. There are others that don't write it in their profile but still only want that. I'm curious that there are people out there that aren't curious about others or things. Even if I have no attraction toward that someone, I can't help but ask questions. I can't really imagine that someone would go on a date, talk about themselves but not ask to find out anything about the other person, have sex, but not enter into a relationship with someone because they don't know about the other person. If the person was dating for sex/a relationship, it's still smart to learn SOMETHING about the other person instead of just blabbing about yourself . And either way, you are "interested" in them for something. No. I'm a girl btw, and straight. But can I really blame her? Because it's not like I decided to go ahead and talk about myself. I was the one mainly asking questions and providing positive feedback, and she was answering them. This might also be applied to dating. I mean, for some people, maybe the thought of asking questions about the other person just never cross their minds. It's not that they are rude or selfish, it's just not what is going on in their minds at the time. I think the best situation would be in which one person talks about themselves for a while, then asks about the other person. Then they just trade off, instead of someone dominating the conversation. Maybe? I think I know what you mean now. I've encountered such people. Sometimes it makes me think that they just assume and got used to your questions, they don't find any point in asking you questions.
somedude81 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 I read it. You said the conversation is almost always 80/20 her. Meaning 80% of the convo is about her, right? Not really 80% about her but she does most of the talking. I'm glad you're a good conversationalist. Some guys think all they have to do on a date is show up, and then they wonder why the girl talks so much. Um, maybe because she was trying to get a conversation going? I'm surprised that a woman would even put up with that. Well, she should ask about you, but you can also say something about yourself as it relates to her. For example, "Scream is your favorite movie? I love horror movies too! My favorite is..." And then the two of you can bond over your shared interest. Example of what I do. Scream is your favorite movie? I love horror movies too! My favorite is xxx. So why horror movies? Do you like that chill you get when you know something is going to happen? It's basically like that. Me giving little details about myself, asking a question about her, then letting her talk. Then I bring up a new point and let her talk some more. And that just repeats. Both of us have fun and time goes by quickly. But yeah, rarely does the girl actually ask me what I like to do or ask things about me. It doesn't happen that often.
watermelonjuice Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 But yeah, rarely does the girl actually ask me what I like to do or ask things about me. It doesn't happen that often. Where do you all meet women? I ask a lot of questions. Hell, I even have to stop doing that in my interogatory style.
somedude81 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 The vast majority of girls I meet are at school or work. Ages 18-24.
Author irc333 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 I saw this profile of a woman, real serious attitude problem...in the "first date" section she said something like, "What's with all the questions, quit asking me 100 questions trying to get to know me, it's not like we're getting married!!" Of course, her profile has been on the site forever, so it makes sense.
caseinpoint Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 I saw this profile of a woman, real serious attitude problem...in the "first date" section she said something like, "What's with all the questions, quit asking me 100 questions trying to get to know me, it's not like we're getting married!!" Of course, her profile has been on the site forever, so it makes sense. Bizarre. Even would-be friends ask questions. If no questions at all, I don't see why she would want to be on any site, friendships, marriage or anything.
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