Kamille Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I'm certainly not ready to date yet, but today, I can't help but think about what I want in the future. It could be years until I find this, but I'm willing to wait. I want a relationship built on honesty and trust. I want an uncomplicated relationship. Someone who fits into my life as much as I fit into his. Someone with a great sense of humor. Someone who's conversation I enjoy. Someone who follows words with actions. Someone who is confident and laid back. Someone who will respect me as much as I respect and honor him. Someone who communicates well and is open to hearing me out. Someone who is fair. Someone who strives to be happy and healthy. After such a long time in a LDR, I can't help but want a fulfilling relationship. One that is satiating. One where we can differ and disagree without our love and the whole relationship being put in question. Where we know we have each other's back and are both willing to work with each other. Where we're happily a part of each other's life, where we share friends and family.
WhiteChocolate Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 :love: This post is so dreamy. I might quote it and paste it on my desktop to remind myself to never date just for the sake of dating, but for the PERSON and the special relationship. Sometimes it gets extremely difficult to wait. I begin to doubt myself; are my standards too high? Am I hoping for the impossible? Am I acting like a prissy litte princess? And no matter how much I want a SO, when I start seeing someone and it feels a tad forced, it is just really really terrible and I want to puke. Then I wonder if there is something wrong with me, if I'm just not cut out for LTR. ...
Author Kamille Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 :love: This post is so dreamy. I might quote it and paste it on my desktop to remind myself to never date just for the sake of dating, but for the PERSON and the special relationship. Sometimes it gets extremely difficult to wait. I begin to doubt myself; are my standards too high? Am I hoping for the impossible? Am I acting like a prissy litte princess? And no matter how much I want a SO, when I start seeing someone and it feels a tad forced, it is just really really terrible and I want to puke. Then I wonder if there is something wrong with me, if I'm just not cut out for LTR. ... Thanks WhiteChocolate. I think that's why I'm putting it out there. I know that once I start dating, it might all get really confusing. But I really don't think I'm asking for much. I'm asking for something really simple: a good, healthy, loving partnership.
zengirl Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I'm certainly not ready to date yet, but today, I can't help but think about what I want in the future. It could be years until I find this, but I'm willing to wait. I want a relationship built on honesty and trust. I want an uncomplicated relationship. Someone who fits into my life as much as I fit into his. Someone with a great sense of humor. Someone who's conversation I enjoy. Someone who follows words with actions. Someone who is confident and laid back. Someone who will respect me as much as I respect and honor him. Someone who communicates well and is open to hearing me out. Someone who is fair. Someone who strives to be happy and healthy. After such a long time in a LDR, I can't help but want a fulfilling relationship. One that is satiating. One where we can differ and disagree without our love and the whole relationship being put in question. Where we know we have each other's back and are both willing to work with each other. Where we're happily a part of each other's life, where we share friends and family. Good list! Last spring, I made my "half orange" list, and instead of listing what I wanted in a guy, for the first time, I listed what I wanted in a relationship (i.e. "I want a relationship filled with love and laughter" instead of "a guy who is affectionate and funny") after reading the book, "Finding Your Half Orange." Like all dating books, it's kinda hokey, but I have to say, I got everything on my list. I think putting out there what you want, in whatever form, is a great step in getting it down the road. When you're ready, of course.
Author Kamille Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Good list! Last spring, I made my "half orange" list, and instead of listing what I wanted in a guy, for the first time, I listed what I wanted in a relationship (i.e. "I want a relationship filled with love and laughter" instead of "a guy who is affectionate and funny") after reading the book, "Finding Your Half Orange." Like all dating books, it's kinda hokey, but I have to say, I got everything on my list. I think putting out there what you want, in whatever form, is a great step in getting it down the road. When you're ready, of course. I have to check out that book. I definitely know how I want the relationship to feel: like a burst of sunshine. Warm, bright, serene, happy. But I want that warmth, serenity and happiness to transcend all areas of our life together, and to be the organizing frame of how we relate to each other, through the good days and the bad days. I had some of that sometimes in my last R, but it was unsustainable for many reasons. It's like we could only be in that mode if we weren't confronted to real life. I guess, altogether, the last R was too complicated. Hmmm... I guess my list is also a way to process the breakup.
Cee Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 A friend of mine put together a list of what he wanted in a mate. He was borrowing from the "law of attraction" concept. So time later, he met a great women and is now living with her. Because of his success, I made my own list. I have no idea where the list was, but I remember the visual fantasies of me with my future man. What I envisioned was someone intelligent, empathic, and lived in partnership with me. When I got in relationship with my boyfriend, I got something "beyond my wildest dreams." My imagination was too limited apparently because this man has things I never put on my list. Kamille, I think it's great to put what you want on paper because it reminds you that you are secure and know what you want. And your future man will contribute more qualities than you had dreamed of.
Pasttense Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Interesting the OP's post doesn't include so many of the criteria most women seem to have, such as: 1. He's got to be financially secure 2. He's got to be physically attractive 3. He's got to be great in bed 4. He can't be more than x years older than me or y years younger than me ...
zengirl Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I have to check out that book. I definitely know how I want the relationship to feel: like a burst of sunshine. Warm, bright, serene, happy. But I want that warmth, serenity and happiness to transcend all areas of our life together, and to be the organizing frame of how we relate to each other, through the good days and the bad days. I had some of that sometimes in my last R, but it was unsustainable for many reasons. It's like we could only be in that mode if we weren't confronted to real life. I guess, altogether, the last R was too complicated. Hmmm... I guess my list is also a way to process the breakup. Aw, that sounds nice.
FitChick Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I have a long list and wound up being engaged to a man who had nearly every single trait on that list. Even he couldn't believe it. However, one item I forgot to add cost me dearly: Ready to get married. Lesson learned! Don't say "I want" but say "I now allow myself to have..."
pandagirl Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Great post, K. It's so much of what I want, also. Sort of random, but does anyone here watch Friday Night Lights? I LOVE the relationship between Eric and Tami Taylor! It's like, they have their fights and major issues, but in the end, they are a team and vow to make their relationship work no matter what. The love between them is just not love, it's strong and willful and mature. Man, I love that show.
Stung Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Oh, Kamille, I didn't know. I definitely wish you all of the above, and more. It is out there...and hopefully you'll find it a bit closer to home.
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