ffw Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 (edited) Hello again everyone, Today, its one of those days, when my heart is remembering my ex gf. Eventhough, I am trying hard to divert my attention to other things. I know I discussed my story before but still I think I didn't let it out completely. So, I am writing my life story again in a bit more detail. My apologize in advance. I am not going to ask what are the chances for my ex to come back, any possibility of reunion, who's to blame, etc.. I am just letting my feelings out. I want your opinion not specific on a particular topic but more as a remark, more as a friend seeing my life from outside. 1st chapter: My story with my ex starts when I went to her country for abroad studies. I was doing my Masters at that time. After one year, I met her through a friend's finance. She was single, kind of lonely & looking for someone at that time. We didn't meet each other for first one month. We used to live in different states. We used to chat or call each other. When I saw her photo for the first time, I was thinking to myself damn she's is beautiful. She was a fun loving & down to earth girl. I also learn that she was disappointed with guys in some ways because they used to leave her all the time. The longest relationship she had till that point was for 6 months. Moving on, we finally decided to meet in a city that was close to us. We hanged out whole day & realize that we had a strong chemistry between us. When the time came to leave, she kissed me on the cheek. I could see in her eyes how happy & excited she was. She was more happy & positive than me (in the positive sense). I wrote this in bold letters because throughout our relationship that's going to be the case. We finally started seeing each other & always felt a strong connection. She used to test me (in the positive way) to see whether I really wanted a relationship or not. 2nd Chapter: We became couple (bf & gf). We stayed together for 2 years. She introduced me to her parents. I was her 1st bf to visit them. The time I was with her was nothing but heaven. Everything was good. We rarely fought with each other. She asked me one time do you want to get marry? I kept quiet. I didn't say anything. Then time came that I was always afraid of. Yes, the time when I finished my studies & had to go back to my own country. She told me to try a get a job there & stay with her. I was doing a part time job at that time to support myself financially but I could not see myself doing it my whole life. I always wanted to have a good carrier. Anyways, the time came & we got separated. We cried a lot a night before but I promised her we will meet again. I went back to my country & met my family. We were still in constant touch with each other. After few months, my elder brother decided to get marry. This was the perfect opportunity to invite her to meet & introduce her to my family. I invited her. She was so happy to come to my country. We both shared her ticket cost. We finally met. My family & friend loved her. She loved my country food . She was very sure about me as a life partner more than me. My mom even asked me one time if you guys want, you can get marry also. I told her I am not ready. She attended the marriage & stayed for 1 month. Again, the time came to leave. I promised her I will visit her again. That was the final time we saw each other. At that time, I was struggling to find a carrier & she almost finished her studies. So, she left... 3rd (final) Chapter: So, I stayed in my country for 1 year. I started to get depressed because of her being so far & my carrier going no way. But she supported me & was there for me emotionally. She was still studying. I didn't have money to pay her visit that year. So, after 1 year I got the opportunity to do my doctorate in another country. Unfortunately, not in her country eventhough I tried a lot. So, I came to this country, which I am presently staying. At that time, she finished her studies & started looking for job. At the end of the last year, I had two options two visit my parents or visit her. We talked then we decided it's better if I visit my parents. It's because she was living with her parents & was not sure how they feel if I stayed with her. We were still in constant touch with each other. As the days progress, I started to get far from her emotionally. I just got so busy with studies & other things that we were talking 1 time per week or sometimes in 2 weeks. To tell the truth, still I can't understand how I blinded. I got completely in comfort zone & stopped caring about her. Meanwhile, she moved to the capital city for better opportunities since she was not finding a job in her city. So, the last time we spoke she was looking for a job & told me I was not paying enough attention to her. I accepted & apologized. But still continued living in the comfort zone. So, beginning of this September, she wrote me a very angry letter saying she fell out of love with me & is in love with another guy. She wrote everything is my fault because I didn't pay much attention to her & I never proposed to her meaning she got tired of waiting. She blamed me for just focusing on my carrier. When I first got this letter I was shaking down on the core. I can't explain but I felt someone just hit me very hard both physically and emotionally. After 3 days, I wrote her my last letter expressing my feelings. I told her without her nothing matters. I told her I was planning to come at the end of this year to propose her for marriage. I accepted that it was my entire fault & apologized. I told her if she still have place in her heart, can forgive me & can give me one more chance I will come & marry her. Yes, it was too late by then. So, that was the end of the 4 & 1/2 relationship ( 2 years together & 2 & 1/2 LDR). Its more than 1 month now & we haven't spoken a single word to each other. Some questions and answers: What's so special about her? She was my 1st gf & we stood against the time for so long. In my opinion, it's hard to find someone like this. Can I find someone better? Yes, I am sure. Do I think she is in a rebound relationship? Truly speaking, I don't know & I don't care. If I keep hoping in this manner, I will never get heal. Will I take her back if she ever comes back? It depends upon the circumstances. Whom I blame? To tell you the truth no one. The one thing I learnt from all this is I am not going to jump into a LDR ever again. What do I regret? I regret our have lack of communication because when a relationship it is a fault of both parties. I regret I could not fulfill my promise. Why I never proposed to her before? To be honest, I don't know. I just didn't feel it. I was happy with her all the time but still I don't know. I can ask you guys one question here. When are you in a relationship how do you know it's time to get marry? Any remarks are appreciated. Edited October 15, 2011 by ffw
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