chelle21689 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 1. How long do you usually find yourself loving someone you are in a relationship with? 2. What makes you realize that you love them? (I'm not talking about infatuation with butterflies, fuzzy feelings, constant thinking/daydreaming) I've been seeing my bf for 7 months but we've only been official for 2 months. We just recently started to get really close, open up, and being comfortable with each other sexually and other stuff. Sometimes I look at him and think I love him and I just want to tell him.... other times I feel like I doubt him and I don't know if I love him or if I ever will. He makes my life better, he showed me how to live life (cheesy but true), he makes me smile and laugh, he is very considerate and affectionate, handsome, and has a good job. He makes me feel special unlike my last bf. We get along very well. But I still have yet to feel that I'd do anything in the world for him or that I can't imagine my life without him. I still don't feel like I miss him badly when we're apart. but maybe that's because we talk for hours every day and see each other often.
january2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 When I look at him and feel really happy (warm buzz in the centre of me), the thought pops in my head that I love him and I say it. It's usually after something 'clicks' such as finishing each other's sentences or realising that we have yet another thing in common. Intellectually, I know there's a minimum before which it's considered too soon to utter the words and a maximum where it's considered not working if there's no inclination to utter the words, but I don't think I could pinpoint an exact time when it happens for me. It just happens. I will say that being in love when you're older (for me at least) is different from that flush of first love. There's less heady infatuation and more simple gut-satisfying contentment. YMMV.
FrustratedStandards Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 (edited) I cannot say it generally. One of my exes, I began to love him after only a month. We had this great connection, we really hit it off. I still love him today.I realized this when I was constantly thinking about him, and wherever I would go I would always think of how the situation would benefit him. For instance, if I was shopping and I saw a pair of shoes I would think "Oh he would like those on me" or "oh maybe that heel would be too high for him to like". You begin to incorporate them in every aspect of your life, even when you're not with them. I always wanted to be with him, and he had this calming effect on me. The world could be ending but if I was in his arms I would just be warm and happy and didn't care the world was ending, as long as I was with him. That's how I knew. Whenever I would have a problem or something troubling me, he would always be the first person to know. And he always knew the right thing to say. He was always the one person I would turn too, and I have never been so honest and open with anyone before or since. Another man I was dating on and off for about a year and I never grew such feelings for him. We never had such a connection, and we never really got to know each other on a deep level. We tried a few times but it only made me like him less. It really depends on the person. Edited October 15, 2011 by FrustratedStandards
Feelin Frisky Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 1. How long do you usually find yourself loving someone you are in a relationship with? 2. What makes you realize that you love them? (I'm not talking about infatuation with butterflies, fuzzy feelings, constant thinking/daydreaming) I've been seeing my bf for 7 months but we've only been official for 2 months. We just recently started to get really close, open up, and being comfortable with each other sexually and other stuff. Sometimes I look at him and think I love him and I just want to tell him.... other times I feel like I doubt him and I don't know if I love him or if I ever will. He makes my life better, he showed me how to live life (cheesy but true), he makes me smile and laugh, he is very considerate and affectionate, handsome, and has a good job. He makes me feel special unlike my last bf. We get along very well. But I still have yet to feel that I'd do anything in the world for him or that I can't imagine my life without him. I still don't feel like I miss him badly when we're apart. but maybe that's because we talk for hours every day and see each other often. Does he make it TOO EASY? Romance in large part is about the uncertainty and the "want" of someone. That makes the hard to get all that much more enticing. Perhaps he might be a little TOO accessible. Do you think you'd feel more romantic about him if he were a bit more of a question mark that you couldn't be sure of?
Alexz Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 It really depends on the person you are with. Unfortunately, I do not think I have had the case of ever loving someone. :/
Author chelle21689 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Does he make it TOO EASY? Romance in large part is about the uncertainty and the "want" of someone. That makes the hard to get all that much more enticing. Perhaps he might be a little TOO accessible. Do you think you'd feel more romantic about him if he were a bit more of a question mark that you couldn't be sure of? But then that really isn't love. it's very confusing because this relationship is healthier and better than my last. My ex made me work really hard for his affection and attention so maybe that made me more clingier thinking I loved him more? Idk. I notice it's pretty common...like my sister and the guys she dates. All the guys that don't want to commit to her she wants, and most of the guys that want to commit she doesn't want. I just know I really enjoy the time with him. What do you think about that? What you just said about being accessible? Unfortunately, I think it may be true.
East7 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 1. How long do you usually find yourself loving someone you are in a relationship with? 2. What makes you realize that you love them? (I'm not talking about infatuation with butterflies, fuzzy feelings, constant thinking/daydreaming) I've been seeing my bf for 7 months but we've only been official for 2 months. We just recently started to get really close, open up, and being comfortable with each other sexually and other stuff. Sometimes I look at him and think I love him and I just want to tell him.... other times I feel like I doubt him and I don't know if I love him or if I ever will. He makes my life better, he showed me how to live life (cheesy but true), he makes me smile and laugh, he is very considerate and affectionate, handsome, and has a good job. He makes me feel special unlike my last bf. We get along very well. But I still have yet to feel that I'd do anything in the world for him or that I can't imagine my life without him. I still don't feel like I miss him badly when we're apart. but maybe that's because we talk for hours every day and see each other often. Based on what you say, honestly, I think you love him but you are not in love with him.. There are two categories of men in a woman's mind : the Lover and the Husband (marriage material). I think you have met the Husband type. He makes you feel comfortable, in security, loved, cherished...but he doesn't really gives you butterflies. If you ask the question : "Do I love him", is that deep down, you don't really love him. You want so bad to love him but you can't force it. When one is really in love there are ZERO doubts and you can't imagine your future without that person. This how real love looks like. IME when I fell in love it took an average of 1 month time to "feel" that I was head over heals and 3 months "to be 100% sure" about my feelings. When it didn't happen at the beginning, it never happened...But that's me. Some people are able to see a person under a different light after months or years.
Author chelle21689 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Based on what you say, honestly, I think you love him but you are not in love with him.. There are two categories of men in a woman's mind : the Lover and the Husband (marriage material). I think you have met the Husband type. He makes you feel comfortable, in security, loved, cherished...but he doesn't really gives you butterflies. If you ask the question : "Do I love him", is that deep down, you don't really love him. You want so bad to love him but you can't force it. When one is really in love there are ZERO doubts and you can't imagine your future without that person. This how real love looks like. IME when I fell in love it took an average of 1 month time to "feel" that I was head over heals and 3 months "to be 100% sure" about my feelings. When it didn't happen at the beginning, it never happened...But that's me. Some people are able to see a person under a different light after months or years. I wouldn't say he doesn't give me butterflies. Sometimes an unexpected call or text makes me super smiley and cheesy. I smile a lot when I'm with him and sometimes a kiss gives me tingles. He is definitely the "husband/boyfriend" type because he makes sure I'm happy, is super sweet, and very attentive. Something I'm not quite used to but I definitely prefer that over being clingy and worrying about losing them like my last relationship
East7 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 I wouldn't say he doesn't give me butterflies. Sometimes an unexpected call or text makes me super smiley and cheesy. I smile a lot when I'm with him and sometimes a kiss gives me tingles. He is definitely the "husband/boyfriend" type because he makes sure I'm happy, is super sweet, and very attentive. Something I'm not quite used to but I definitely prefer that over being clingy and worrying about losing them like my last relationship See, you are still trying to convince yourself I will give you a tip : the more you TRY to love him the less it will work. Don't try! Take it easy without wanting so badly the butterflies. They will eventually happen when you will put less pressure on yourself. Your BF seems like a good boy type, but he's forgetting how to make himself desirable. The other guys have made you chase them and wonder what's next. Unpredictability is desirable. Your BF is selling the shop too easily, too soon. Look, I don't know your age but in my hindsight, passionate love is wonderful but it is also the less lasting type of love. This guy deserves you but you have to teach him how to be desirable. Tell him to take more care about himself and less about you
Author chelle21689 Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Yeah, I understand what you mean but it is the truth when I tell you how I feel. I honestly find myself smiling alot more with him. I do agree though that he is available 24/7. He wants to hang out every day and talk every night on the phone for a long time...and texts me each day. It's what I used to wish my exes would do because they never did. I am basically getting everything I want in a relationship. Unfortunately, I think you may be right when the certain unpredictability is a factor some how...in the longing for them. It is hard to say no though because I want to see him lol.
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