rebeccajones Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I was thinking while in the shower that my last 3 exes were not who I thought they were. I held these men in high regard the first was a great poet, the next one was a woodworker who made beautiful pieces for houses etc., the next was a cultured European who knew alot about cheese and wine and opened up the world more for me. Anyway the last two after we broke up I saw were on adultfriendfinder, a sexual type website and other sites trying to find sex or dates. I know I should not care about what they are doing but I googled their usernames or names randomly and have found different things. Anyway to me seeing them looking for sexual encounters with anyone, with more than one or with groups makes me wonder, is this just normal? I want someone like me who puts love and caring first. Would ALL men be glad to have these types of sexual encounters? I have my own fantasies but as for now I want a relationship with someone I love and care about and I thought they did too. For me I would make that person a priority. Is there a way to know and are there men who do want what I do? I think so just asking.
k100danny Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 short answer is NO. Not all men are happy going around sleeping with lots of women or looking for imtimate encounters. I have had a few one night stands when i was younger and didnt feel great about it, didnt feel really bad but it isnt really satisfying having sex with someone you dont know or know anything about really. some people do put up a front when they meet people this is why we often feel our ex is a different person, well that and the psychological changes of them not being in a relationship with you. I used to do this, it's not lying as such more an unconcious thing and self monitors do it a lot, without knowing they can tell you what you want to hear ect and be very charming, most people do this a little bit. I have now tried to be more honest about my needs once i realised this happens with me, there is no point in changing your views or saying things and pretending to be ok with something if youre actually not. But no not all men want that, i can think of nothing that would make me happier than a happy trustfull loving relationship.
Mack05 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I don't know if Naive is the word Rebecca, Some men are very very clever. They will show you their best side and tell you everything you want to hear. Pratice makes perfect and most women are dreamers and romantics and will fall for a very elaborate act (that can last for a day, a month or sometimes much longer). I don't think this makes a woman naive. I am like you in that I could never go to a internet sight like adultfinder looking for casual ***. A woman I date will know I am not a chancer or an actor, because I would never be looking to get serious after just a few dates. My actions will speak a lot louder then my words and the respect I show my girl will be very obvious. I think the hints are how he treats you, even then as I said some guys are very clever. All you can do is trust your gut instinct and hope you learn from previous relationships and life experiences..Not sure if this answers your question..
Zabs Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I guess that it depends how damaged an individual is...because I find casual relations abhorrent..I will never know what it is like to be promiscuous...not that I want to or even care.. Zabs xx
Zabs Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Ps I do think however, that some people perceive this as confidence as blah d blah...but on the other side of the coin, it can be a sign of vulnerability..because they are only letting you see what they want you to see and nothing more.. A truly confident person is not afraid to be known for who or what they are. Zabs xx
esteem-jam Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 @rebeccajones then you need me, seriously, I am a saint. I could post similar thread "naive about women" and how lot of women turn to be ****, but I wont bother posting. In fact best friend of mine wanted to set me straight and help me in life, he said to not be so naive, cause in reality all women are... Could also be that your men didnt get what they wanted in a relationship with you, you should have been more open about such things, maybe, you considered that?
Author rebeccajones Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 I'm not saying men are bad and women are not. It's just that maybe I am not being wise enough. I think I do need to make sure I am treated right as MAck mentioned. I htink I put up with alot to please the other person when I should be doing whats best not just trying to please that person ad being blind. I appreciate the responses from men.
Buttercup84 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 You are not naive hun . I know many men who don't want to shag many women . I had flings but I'm happier with just one man . It's sad when you see that side .
carhill Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 OP, you might be confusing high status men with chaste and proper men of taste. Generally, the more successful and popular and powerful and interesting a man is, the more varied and sundry his romantic and sexual appetites. It's all part of the 'package' of stuff which makes him, ostensibly, 'great'. Life is a mixed bag of 'stuff'.
Author rebeccajones Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 Carhill I think they all thought they were great. But how can I know when I find o good chaste man? Most men think they are great. Hmm.
MilfinBerle Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Carhill I think they all thought they were great. But how can I know when I find o good chaste man? Most men think they are great. Hmm. Most men love being chaste. But it depends on who's doing the chasing.
Recommended Posts