That_girl Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I'm only 25 and I can't stand the single life. I absolutely hate men. A friend suggested to me that I might have borderline personality disorder (mild case), but I really don't doubt that the guys I've dated have played a fundamental role in who I am today, starting with my dad. Anyways, I posted a few days ago about this jerk I was dating. I had to take Plan B and although he never actually told me I was his girlfriend I didn't expect him to flake on me and not even ask how I was doing. I took the advice that was given to me from my previous thread, and what I was already thinking needed to be done- and I told him I don't think we're looking for the same things, and that we should just be friends. He replied with "ok, that's cool. no hard feelings." What a JERK. Of course he doesn't have any hard feelings, why would he? I was dumb enough to sleep with him for months without any sort of committment on his part. And he blew me off three times in a row without me giving him any sort of heck for it. I can't believe it...I wish I had been more of a bitch to him. He knows I was very upset anyway, and that he struck a nerve. Might as well have told him off... I feel really ****ty. I know it's manipulative, but it would have nice if he were even a LITTLE UPSET. But no, he's fine with us just being friends.
grkBoy Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 1) Based on some other posts, it sounds like you have a taste for jerks/*******s/douchebags. Even if you're one of those women who deny it to the end, I have a feeling most of the guys you seem to find attraction to are either narcissistic yuppies or shallow jerks. 2) You need to take a break from it all if you're feeling this way. I sounded like you years ago, only I was the "good guy" who kept meeting psychos, flakes, and shallow princesses. I think it's time to hang up the "Do Not Disturb" sign and just focus on other aspects of your personal happiness...as opposed to "find a man". Right now, everything you do seems to be the typical self-destructive behavior I see many women do. I know one who finally confessed that she can't find guys attractive unless they're hot like Bradley Cooper or even all "macho Italian" like Mike Sorrento (The Situation). I told her like I tell you...her limited taste in men is why she keeps getting used, abused, and often sees the "pump and dump". Her tastes in men are synonymous with guys who never commit and/or never treat women well. Thus she's doomed herself to a lonely life of being a plaything for guys. It's the hard truth. Take some time, search your soul, start looking at your past men as if you are watching your best friend go after them, and see them for who they really are. Get your head and heart in a good happy balanced state, then be open to meeting guys...but think in terms of if this guy is going to be there for the long haul.
udolipixie Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I had to take Plan B and although he never actually told me I was his girlfriend I didn't expect him to flake on me and not even ask how I was doing. He had no obligation to be concerned about your well being. Dating you doesn't mean he cares about you or won't flake on you. Most guys don't care unless you have a title and even then expect some flaking and lack of care. Best advice in my opinion until he's your husband without a prenup to not expect him to flake on you. I was dumb enough to sleep with him for months without any sort of committment on his part. Even sleeping with a guy after having him commit can be a dumb thing. Usually is in most cases. Best advice in my opinion don't f*ck him until he commits and you know or think highly that he will remain committed. Don't f*ck him until he's committed, sure of the commitment, heavily emotionally invested in you, involved you in his life for what seems to the long haul. F*cking a guy when he's more invested in you than you are in him seems to work out fine for some of the girls I know. I wish I had been more of a bitch to him. You can release your frustrations by being a b*tch to the next guys you aren't attracted to that approach you. I feel really ****ty. I know it's manipulative, but it would have nice if he were even a LITTLE UPSET. But no, he's fine with us just being friends. He's probably a little upset that the sex supply is gone.
Desensitized Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I'm only 25 and I can't stand the single life. I absolutely hate men. A friend suggested to me that I might have borderline personality disorder (mild case), but I really don't doubt that the guys I've dated have played a fundamental role in who I am today, starting with my dad. Anyways, I posted a few days ago about this jerk I was dating. I had to take Plan B and although he never actually told me I was his girlfriend I didn't expect him to flake on me and not even ask how I was doing. I took the advice that was given to me from my previous thread, and what I was already thinking needed to be done- and I told him I don't think we're looking for the same things, and that we should just be friends. He replied with "ok, that's cool. no hard feelings." What a JERK. Of course he doesn't have any hard feelings, why would he? I was dumb enough to sleep with him for months without any sort of committment on his part. And he blew me off three times in a row without me giving him any sort of heck for it. I can't believe it...I wish I had been more of a bitch to him. He knows I was very upset anyway, and that he struck a nerve. Might as well have told him off... I feel really ****ty. I know it's manipulative, but it would have nice if he were even a LITTLE UPSET. But no, he's fine with us just being friends. Ugh. You sound like my ex-fiancee, who has BPD. Anyways, not to sound harsh, you shouldn't be mad at anyone BUT yourself. The fact that he replied with "ok, that's cool. no hard feelings", makes him more mature than you are being. You're mad that he didn't commit to you? C'mon, grow up and stop playing the victim like most immature people nowadays.
FrustratedStandards Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I'm in the same boat. I'm young and have already given up. Every man is a disappointment.
Author That_girl Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 Ugh. You sound like my ex-fiancee, who has BPD. Anyways, not to sound harsh, you shouldn't be mad at anyone BUT yourself. The fact that he replied with "ok, that's cool. no hard feelings", makes him more mature than you are being. You're mad that he didn't commit to you? C'mon, grow up and stop playing the victim like most immature people nowadays. I'm not mad that he didn't commit. I'm upset that he treated me like ****. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect some common courtesy from someone that makes plans with you and cancels last minute. A phonecall or even a text would have been nice. Especially when you're sleeping with them and supposedly like them. I don't call that mature at all...I think it's selfish, but I guess that's my BPD coming through! And no offense, but you don't know me and frankly, I think you might be a little bitter about your own past- which is why you're lashing out at a stranger on a forum. But thanks for the advice.
ShannonMI Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I'm only 25 and I can't stand the single life. I absolutely hate men. A friend suggested to me that I might have borderline personality disorder (mild case), but I really don't doubt that the guys I've dated have played a fundamental role in who I am today, starting with my dad. Anyways, I posted a few days ago about this jerk I was dating. I had to take Plan B and although he never actually told me I was his girlfriend I didn't expect him to flake on me and not even ask how I was doing. I took the advice that was given to me from my previous thread, and what I was already thinking needed to be done- and I told him I don't think we're looking for the same things, and that we should just be friends. He replied with "ok, that's cool. no hard feelings." What a JERK. Of course he doesn't have any hard feelings, why would he? I was dumb enough to sleep with him for months without any sort of committment on his part. And he blew me off three times in a row without me giving him any sort of heck for it. I can't believe it...I wish I had been more of a bitch to him. He knows I was very upset anyway, and that he struck a nerve. Might as well have told him off... I feel really ****ty. I know it's manipulative, but it would have nice if he were even a LITTLE UPSET. But no, he's fine with us just being friends. How did you want him to react? Did you want him to beg you to reconsider? And you slept with him for that long when he wasn't commited to you? Why would you do that? You didn't demand respect or a label for the type of relationship you had with him. Of course he kept f*cking you and blowing you off. Some people have no problem using others. You allowed yourself to be used. So ultimately whose fault is that?
Desensitized Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I'm not mad that he didn't commit. I'm upset that he treated me like ****. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect some common courtesy from someone that makes plans with you and cancels last minute. A phonecall or even a text would have been nice. Especially when you're sleeping with them and supposedly like them. I don't call that mature at all...I think it's selfish, but I guess that's my BPD coming through! And no offense, but you don't know me and frankly, I think you might be a little bitter about your own past- which is why you're lashing out at a stranger on a forum. But thanks for the advice. Okay, so you two weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend, and you're upset that he cancels on you last minute? I mean, that sort of thing is expected if you're not his girlfriend and he doesn't make you his first priority. I agree that a phone call or text would've been nice, but some people are frankly, quite inconsiderate. I think it's better to stop blaming your supposed "disorder" and start looking at things from a mature point of view. It's so easy to blame something that you think is wrong with you, but in reality, there's nothing wrong with you at all. If you think there's something wrong with you, then there most likely will be. Please, I'm not trying to bash people with "BPD", but i'm tired of this whole blaming other people/things, but yourself. I would agree that I was bitter at one point, but frankly, I'm over that. I hope you take my advice; realize that you don't have BPD.
vsmini Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I'm only 25 and I can't stand the single life. I absolutely hate men. A friend suggested to me that I might have borderline personality disorder (mild case), but I really don't doubt that the guys I've dated have played a fundamental role in who I am today, starting with my dad. Anyways, I posted a few days ago about this jerk I was dating. I had to take Plan B and although he never actually told me I was his girlfriend I didn't expect him to flake on me and not even ask how I was doing. I took the advice that was given to me from my previous thread, and what I was already thinking needed to be done- and I told him I don't think we're looking for the same things, and that we should just be friends. He replied with "ok, that's cool. no hard feelings." What a JERK. Of course he doesn't have any hard feelings, why would he? I was dumb enough to sleep with him for months without any sort of committment on his part. And he blew me off three times in a row without me giving him any sort of heck for it. I can't believe it...I wish I had been more of a bitch to him. He knows I was very upset anyway, and that he struck a nerve. Might as well have told him off... I feel really ****ty. I know it's manipulative, but it would have nice if he were even a LITTLE UPSET. But no, he's fine with us just being friends. BPD is a serious thing and it doesn't just come from dating a few jerks before you hit 25. It comes from serious menta and/or physical abuse with some gentics mixed in. If you need help then seek therapy otherwise all of your relationships, even with the good guys (and yes - there are good guys out there) will be ruined. Take a look at the kind of guys you're attracted to and who you allow to treat you like this. You need to change the guys you're dating.
Gypsie Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I'm in the same boat. I'm young and have already given up. Every man is a disappointment. I am in my early 30s and still have this problem. Totally understand where you guys are coming from! .
Feelin Frisky Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I'm in the same boat. I'm young and have already given up. Every man is a disappointment. BPD too? Shame. I was in a relationship with a BPD woman and the one thing she would absolutely never do is take any responsibility for the disasters she made. She would rather invent other personalities to escape responsibility that then fess up that problems started only with her and could only end with her world view changing. Is that a theme here too? The BPD answer is, it's always the other person and never ever me.
Forever Learning Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 (edited) One commonality I have noticed regarding people with grave Personality Disorders is the inability to take responsibility for one's own actions, along with the inability to demonstrate genuine regret for those actions. In my experience (thinking of my ex husband here, a Narcissist) they will always find another target in which to place blame. They simply can not admit fault. Never, ever do they accept blame unless truly cornered and only then as a last resort and without genuine remorse, only feigned regret in order to expedite the process of forgiveness and to move on to their next act of deceit and manipulation. They also tend to 're-write history' (big red flag folks, take heed) to suit their needs of remembering events, and when the past event is questioned down the road, it is rewritten to completely soften the negativity of the event and their share of responsibility for the blame, if not totally re-writing the event into a complete work of unrecognizable fiction, to absolve themselves of blame entirely. Oh yes, they do this. Quite happily and easily. They have a brain disorder, they don't give it a second thought, except whether or not you are buying it as they recount it to you. That's all they care about at that point. Brainwashing you on past history. So you are easier to manipulate for the next round of fun and games. So goes the Personality Disorderd individual, particularly Narcississts and Psychopaths/Sociopaths. It's like the old saying of the man who befriends a snake and takes good care of the snake, feeding it and giving it a home. The snake bites the man eventually. The man asks, 'Why did you bite me?' The snake replies, 'Because I am a snake'. (Or something like that. Haven't brushed up on my Aesop's Fables lately LOL ) Edited October 15, 2011 by Forever Learning
Desensitized Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 One commonality I have noticed regarding people with grave Personality Disorders is the inability to take responsibility for one's own actions, along with the inability to demonstrate genuine regret for those actions. In my experience (thinking of my ex husband here, a Narcissist) they will always find another target in which to place blame. They simply can not admit fault. Never, ever do they accept blame unless truly cornered and only then as a last resort and without genuine remorse, only feigned regret in order to expedite the process of forgiveness and to move on to their next act of deceit and manipulation. They also tend to 're-write history' (big red flag folks, take heed) to suit their needs of remembering events, and when the past event is questioned down the road, it is rewritten to completely soften the negativity of the event and their share of responsibility for the blame, if not totally re-writing the event into a complete work of unrecognizable fiction, to absolve themselves of blame entirely. Oh yes, they do this. Quite happily and easily. They have a brain disorder, they don't give it a second thought, except whether or not you are buying it as they recount it to you. That's all they care about at that point. Brainwashing you on past history. So you are easier to manipulate for the next round of fun and games. So goes the Personality Disorderd individual, particularly Narcississts and Psychopaths/Sociopaths. It's like the old saying of the man who befriends a snake and takes good care of the snake, feeding it and giving it a home. The snake bites the man eventually. The man asks, 'Why did you bite me?' The snake replies, 'Because I am a snake'. (Or something like that. Haven't brushed up on my Aesop's Fables lately LOL ) You hit the nail on the head. However, I do not believe in personality "disorders." The difference between people with "BPD" and "normal" people is that even though "normal" people possess BPD traits (everyone has them), they can control these traits. On the other hand, the BPD cannot. I'd like to call these "disorders" immature phases that people go through, but it seems like some people are so set on thinking that they have something wrong with them that, they just reinforce their behavior by placing a label (such as BPD) to classify what they think is wrong with them. I think if these people seek out help; really take the time to reflect on how they are living their lives, they will eventually end up growing up. The majority chooses to not get help for their problems; therefore, tend to become really ugly people (inside and out). I like your snake analogy p.s. thinking you have a personality "disorder" is a disorder in itself.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 You hit the nail on the head. However, I do not believe in personality "disorders." The difference between people with "BPD" and "normal" people is that even though "normal" people possess BPD traits (everyone has them), they can control these traits. On the other hand, the BPD cannot. I'd like to call these "disorders" immature phases that people go through, but it seems like some people are so set on thinking that they have something wrong with them that, they just reinforce their behavior by placing a label (such as BPD) to classify what they think is wrong with them. I think if these people seek out help; really take the time to reflect on how they are living their lives, they will eventually end up growing up. The majority chooses to not get help for their problems; therefore, tend to become really ugly people (inside and out). I like your snake analogy p.s. thinking you have a personality "disorder" is a disorder in itself. Huh? People with BPD, as stated in both FL's and my post, usually do not accept responsibility for anything in their relationship or social situations that go awry. The lack of taking responsibility INCLUDES not seeking any help, not admitting anything and just blaming anyone and everyone else for anything that makes them feel something they don't want to feel. You seem to be implying that BPD sufferers diagnose themselves as such and hide behind the diagnosis. If that happens at all, it is a minor exception. BPD is what used to be called a "complex". And "complexes" are serious systems of delusions, false assumptions, denials, projections and ultimately, actions that make them impossible to get along with in the long term. No one would choose this for themselves on purpose. It's too hard to even fictionalize.
ShannonMI Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 BPD too? Shame. I was in a relationship with a BPD woman and the one thing she would absolutely never do is take any responsibility for the disasters she made. She would rather invent other personalities to escape responsibility that then fess up that problems started only with her and could only end with her world view changing. Is that a theme here too? The BPD answer is, it's always the other person and never ever me. What a cop out. Using a mental illness to get away with bad behavior. Like biopolars cheating and saying it was the illness. Lame:rolleyes:
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