FSM Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 So about a month ago I came clean to my wife that I was unfaithful with two women and almost a third. I didn't get caught, she wasn't going to find out, and I only told her because I felt so bad about it and wanted her to know the truth. So it's been a month of hell. Everyone knows now, she put it all over her social networking sites what I did and who I did it with. She says she wants to try to make it work but I feel like her actions speak louder than her words. I don't feel like everyone needed to know our business and now she's telling almost everyone every detail. I feel like she's laying everything out for everyone to know so that she'll have hands pulling her away from me because she can't do it herself. She's smoking now which she never did before, drinking a lot, taking meds from friends, smoking a lot of pot. I feel like I ruined her life and now I'm just making it worse by staying around and trying to mend our relationship. I don't want to see her spiral, I'm just lost. Are we just prolonging the inevitable? Should I just cut her loose so she can move forward? She says she loves me more than she's ever loved anyone, but hates me more than she thought she could ever hate someone. I know it's only been about a month and emotions are running high, but sometimes I feel like she's going to hate me forever. Is this fixable?
mike111 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Is this fixable? The social networking stuff is what would concern me. And the drug and alcohol usage. Yeah, you messed up. Now so has she in taking public revenge and public humiliation on you. Anyone can read about your dirty laundry now. It's kind of like being put in the stocks. Right now, in my opinion, it does not look fixable. mike
Author FSM Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 The social networking stuff is what would concern me. And the drug and alcohol usage. Yeah, you messed up. Now so has she in taking public revenge and public humiliation on you. Anyone can read about your dirty laundry now. It's kind of like being put in the stocks. Right now, in my opinion, it does not look fixable. mike The social sites is what worried me as well. She has a lot of friends on them, a lot which she rarely speaks to, and a lot of my extended family as well. I know what I did was terrible, but I feel like it's business only meant for us and close friends or family, not all of FB. Thanks for your input Mike.
robf1971 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Wow she didn't kick you out? She should have..
robf1971 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 So about a month ago I came clean to my wife that I was unfaithful with two women and almost a third. I didn't get caught, she wasn't going to find out, and I only told her because I felt so bad about it and wanted her to know the truth. So it's been a month of hell. Everyone knows now, she put it all over her social networking sites what I did and who I did it with. She says she wants to try to make it work but I feel like her actions speak louder than her words. I don't feel like everyone needed to know our business and now she's telling almost everyone every detail. I feel like she's laying everything out for everyone to know so that she'll have hands pulling her away from me because she can't do it herself. She's smoking now which she never did before, drinking a lot, taking meds from friends, smoking a lot of pot. I feel like I ruined her life and now I'm just making it worse by staying around and trying to mend our relationship. I don't want to see her spiral, I'm just lost. Are we just prolonging the inevitable? Should I just cut her loose so she can move forward? She says she loves me more than she's ever loved anyone, but hates me more than she thought she could ever hate someone. I know it's only been about a month and emotions are running high, but sometimes I feel like she's going to hate me forever. Is this fixable? You know what they say, "If you do the crime, do the time", man up, what she's doing to you is nothing to what you did to her. If your lucky she will forgive you. Ba glad she didn't kick you to the kerb.
Owl Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 My thought is that she probably "told everyone" because she didn't have any other support system to turn to. She didn't know how to process and "deal with" the emotional blow she got handed. "Telling everyone" is always an option, even if it's one that you personally didn't like to see happen. Personally, I'd have a lot of concern about the drinking, meds, and smoking that she's doing. Draw a line here. Make it clear that you know that she's hurting...but that this kind of behavior is completely unacceptable. Make it clear that it needs to stop, right now. Beyond that, what are the two of you actively doing to work through the damage created by what you've done? Marriage counseling? Individual counseling? Has she seen a doctor to see if perhaps part of this is being caused by depression?
Author FSM Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 My thought is that she probably "told everyone" because she didn't have any other support system to turn to. She didn't know how to process and "deal with" the emotional blow she got handed. "Telling everyone" is always an option, even if it's one that you personally didn't like to see happen. Personally, I'd have a lot of concern about the drinking, meds, and smoking that she's doing. Draw a line here. Make it clear that you know that she's hurting...but that this kind of behavior is completely unacceptable. Make it clear that it needs to stop, right now. Beyond that, what are the two of you actively doing to work through the damage created by what you've done? Marriage counseling? Individual counseling? Has she seen a doctor to see if perhaps part of this is being caused by depression? I have told her that I'm really unhappy with how she's coping with the situation with the drugs. She says it helps her not think about anything. I told her she had to face it eventually, regardless of the outcome, and drugs aren't the answer. She's not listening though. We've made appointments for individual counseling for both of us, but haven't started yet. I think on top of that we may do marriage counseling as well.... I've been pushing her to see a doctor because I'm worried about her mental well being because she is depressed and she's made mention of death and suicide and I'm really concerned. I'm keeping an eagle eye on her though so she doesn't try anything. She has said she doesn't want to be on anti-depressants, but it's obviously a better option than drinking and drugs. I'm hoping the counseling helps some once that starts
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