louise_23 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) right. so i have been seeing someone the last 2 weeks. he got in touch after splitting with his long term girlfriend and i was a bit like...oh hello, hes on the rebound. but whats the harm in going on a few dates, right? so we've been out on 5 seperate occasions, and had a nice time. and then on the last one he says the sentence "technically people sleep together on the 3rd date and we're past that". its not that im prudish, but a.) we were never in a place to do anything more (ie in public!) b.) i was playing it a bit safe because i mean, if hes on the rebound it wont last anyway, and c.) who the hell brings that up! during said conversation he also mentioned things he likes in bed etc. this came across way to strong for me. i was with one person for a really long time so i dont know if this is normal "date" behaviour? someone help me out!?! i didnt realise "the rules" were set in stone or something! anyway, hes gone a bit quiet on me now, and ive never been a chaser. i got in touch with him the last time to ask if he wanted to come to a friends birthday in a few weeks and he was like oh maybe ill have to see what im doing. and havent heard from him since. can i assume hes no longer interested? and have i possibly had a lucky escape or should i have slept with this guy from the off? edit** i should probably mention i was distant friends with him for a while already, this isnt a complete stranger. Edited October 14, 2011 by louise_23
laotzu Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Did he make any attempt to sleep with you, or did he just mention it? Sort of like, "Oh, well - we've been out three times together now, so I suppose that means we need to sleep together." If he wanted to sleep with you, he should have attempted to make you want to sleep with him. If he's just indicated that you should have slept together already in a business-like manner, that's not very impressive. Were you physical in any sense, like kissing or creating some physical connection? Ages?
Author louise_23 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 well im 23 and was with one person for 6yrs, so i have no frame of reference re "the rules". and hes 22 and has played the field and was also with someone for 2yrs, thats who he recently split up with. i mean, we'd kissed a few times and whatever, but im not really going to be having sex with someone in their car if im honest (where said conversation took place). he genuinely did seem nice but im wary of his motives after he was so forward, because that sentence was followed by "blow jobs are my favourite thing" or something to that effect. i dont know if i took it the wrong way but its made me feel really self aware! the bit that seems weird is he didnt really make any attempts to actually sleep with me, he just informed me of "the rules" which kind of stunned me.
laotzu Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Yeah, that's pretty weird. It sounds like he wants to have sex, but perhaps the two of you don't have a good place you can go (an apartment, college room, etc)? I think he's just a little young, and hasn't had time to perfect the transition between "Wanting to sleep with a girl" into "getting a girl to want to sleep with you". He's telegraphing to you that he wants to have sex, and now it's in your court. If you don't want to... don't.
Lobouspo Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 The only rule you should abide by is the one that says you become intimate with someone when YOU feel comfortable doing so. Whether that's the 1st date or the tenth date it does not matter If this is a rebound thing, the guy may just be looking to get laid.
Author louise_23 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 good answers guys. its so helpful to get different points of view on this. what do i do next? shall i just wait and see if he gets back in touch? i dont want to seem like im not bothered about him cus i sort of am, but im so wary of him its unreal.
zengirl Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Sounds like a jerk move to me. "Hey, wouldn't most girls have had sex with me by now!" Wow, way to be super tacky.
veggirl Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 He was pretty much saying put out or get out. He just wants sex from you. I doubt you'll hear from him again.
Andy_K Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 With guys, you either escalate further physically each date or his interest fades pretty quick. He's most likely thinking that if you're not all over him after 5 dates, you probably never will be. I've never applied the 'three date rule', but it seems pretty accurate anyway. With perhaps one exception, every girl I've slept with it's been in three dates or fewer. I don't think I've ever had five dates with the same person without sex. If it hasn't happened by three or four, chances are one of us isn't really feeling much of a connection, or some attraction, and we stop dating.
Imageiko Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Seems like a creep to me. He's basically asking you to do all the work and put yourselves in a situation where he can have sex with you. I'll let you guess based on that how good in bed he'll be. lol
Hot Chick Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 right. so i have been seeing someone the last 2 weeks. he got in touch after splitting with his long term girlfriend and i was a bit like...oh hello, hes on the rebound. but whats the harm in going on a few dates, right? so we've been out on 5 separate occasions, and had a nice time. and then on the last one he says the sentence "technically people sleep together on the 3rd date and we're past that". its not that im prudish, but a.) we were never in a place to do anything more (ie in public!) b.) i was playing it a bit safe because i mean, if hes on the rebound it wont last anyway, and c.) who the hell brings that up! during said conversation he also mentioned things he likes in bed etc. this came across way to strong for me. i was with one person for a really long time so i dont know if this is normal "date" behaviour? someone help me out!?! i didnt realise "the rules" were set in stone or something! anyway, hes gone a bit quiet on me now, and ive never been a chaser. i got in touch with him the last time to ask if he wanted to come to a friends birthday in a few weeks and he was like oh maybe ill have to see what im doing. and havent heard from him since. can i assume hes no longer interested? and have i possibly had a lucky escape or should i have slept with this guy from the off? edit** i should probably mention i was distant friends with him for a while already, this isnt a complete stranger. He's an idiot who just wanted sex from you, not a relationship. Yes, you had a Lucky Escape.
Cypress25 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Don't see him again! He just wanted to get laid. He didn't even try to seduce you or anything, he just informed you that you "should" have slept with him by now. What a creep. For the record, the "3 date rule" is complete bullsh*t. Most people who want a real relationship wait a lot longer than that. The whole notion of a "rule" that says when you should have sex with someone is ridiculous. There is no "should." You don't have sex after a certain number of dates, you have sex when you feel ready. If the guy genuinely likes you, he'll be understanding and will patiently wait until you're ready. If he's counting dates and pressuring you for sex and/or blow jobs, it's safe to say he's only interested in one thing.
ChessPieceFace Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 well im 23 and was with one person for 6yrs, so i have no frame of reference re "the rules". and hes 22 and has played the field and was also with someone for 2yrs, thats who he recently split up with. i mean, we'd kissed a few times and whatever, but im not really going to be having sex with someone in their car if im honest (where said conversation took place). he genuinely did seem nice but im wary of his motives after he was so forward, because that sentence was followed by "blow jobs are my favourite thing" LOLLLL. What a subtle guy.
musemaj11 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 If women can have the 'pay on the first four dates rule', men can have the 'sex on the fourth date rule'.
Cypress25 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 If women can have the 'pay on the first four dates rule', men can have the 'sex on the fourth date rule'. Women don't have that rule, and stop trying to buy sex from women who are not prostitutes. Buying a girl dinner doesn't mean she owes you sex.
musemaj11 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Women don't have that rule Who are you trying to kid? Buying a girl dinner doesn't mean she owes you sex. Thats the difference between prostitutes and other women. With prostitutes you are at least guaranteed sex for the money you pay.
Cypress25 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Since you clearly prefer prostitutes, why don't you pursue them exclusively and leave normal women alone? There are no guarantees in dating. If that bothers you, then you shouldn't be dating, especially since you're only in it for sex anyway.
musemaj11 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Since you clearly prefer prostitutes, why don't you pursue them exclusively and leave normal women alone? Why are you degrading prostitutes? Prostitutes are actually more 'normal' than other women. Even female monkeys in the jungle trade sexual access for material resources from male monkeys. Prostitution is a part of nature. It is 'normal'. What is not 'normal' is taking a man's money and not giving him anything in return. I think under law that is called 'fraud'.
Cypress25 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I'm not degrading prostitutes, I'm just saying they're different from women who are dating/seeking a relationship. Dating is about getting to know the other person, it's not about trading money for sexual favors. Dating is not a transaction. Dating/relationships involve emotions; prostitution has nothing to do with emotions. They're different and they're supposed to be different. And women are not female monkeys. Humans have emotions and that's perfectly natural. Even monkeys have preferences when choosing a sexual partner. They don't mate with just any monkey. What is not 'normal' is taking a man's money and not giving him anything in return. I think under law that is called 'fraud'. How is that fraud? Did she ever promise him anything in exchange for a date? Did she sign a contract saying she would have sex with him if he paid for dinner? If not, then the man has no reason to expect anything in return. Most men know better than to expect a woman to put out just because he paid for a date. Besides, sex isn't something you give to another person. It's something you share with another person. And actually, it's perfectly normal for a woman to go on a date and not feel obligated to repay the man by having sex with him. Sex is not appropriate compensation for being treated to a meal. Even prostitutes charge more than $20. And yet you think a woman should have sex with you because you paid $20 (or less) for her dinner? Presumably you asked her on a date so you could have the pleasure of her company. That's your compensation right there. Why do you even date women if you don't like women? Just hire a prostitute. You only care about sex and they only care about money. It's a perfect match.
KathyM Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 right. so i have been seeing someone the last 2 weeks. he got in touch after splitting with his long term girlfriend and i was a bit like...oh hello, hes on the rebound. but whats the harm in going on a few dates, right? so we've been out on 5 seperate occasions, and had a nice time. and then on the last one he says the sentence "technically people sleep together on the 3rd date and we're past that". its not that im prudish, but a.) we were never in a place to do anything more (ie in public!) b.) i was playing it a bit safe because i mean, if hes on the rebound it wont last anyway, and c.) who the hell brings that up! during said conversation he also mentioned things he likes in bed etc. this came across way to strong for me. i was with one person for a really long time so i dont know if this is normal "date" behaviour? someone help me out!?! i didnt realise "the rules" were set in stone or something! anyway, hes gone a bit quiet on me now, and ive never been a chaser. i got in touch with him the last time to ask if he wanted to come to a friends birthday in a few weeks and he was like oh maybe ill have to see what im doing. and havent heard from him since. can i assume hes no longer interested? and have i possibly had a lucky escape or should i have slept with this guy from the off? edit** i should probably mention i was distant friends with him for a while already, this isnt a complete stranger. Some guys are just looking for sex, not a real relationship. I'd put this one in the category of just looking for sex. Either that, or he has this attitude of entitlement which is also a turn off. Someone who is LT relationship material would want to get to know you as a person, and that would be his primary goal. With this guy, it's like he's saying either you put out now because it's been X number of dates, or I'm out. I would not want to be pressured, or given that ultimatum, if I were you. Its crass and unromantic. The very least he could do is show you affection and then suggest in a romantic way about being more physical, rather than saying so coldly, it's been X dates, time to put out. Time to throw that demanding, entitled, classless lout to the curb. My sister met a few guys like that recently in her dating sphere. It was obvious that building a relationship was not a priority for them. Getting laid was the priority for them. This sense of entitlement is a turn off, imo.
AHardDaysNight Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I am somebody who would want to wait until like the 7th or 8th date, until I felt comfortable enough to have sex. It's not set in stone. However, I'm a 28 year old virgin, so perhaps things are different for me.
montana15 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 If women can have the 'pay on the first four dates rule', men can have the 'sex on the fourth date rule'. The smart thing to do would be to have the first date or so somewhere that won't involve spending money. ie: the park,beach, or even a coffe shop. It's the connection between the two individuals that makes the date memorable. Not the location or the amount of money spent. if theres a strong connection, then you could move on to dates which will require money. Of course, if your spending money on dates just to get in a woman's pants, then you deserve to lose any money you had spent.
KathyM Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 The smart thing to do would be to have the first date or so somewhere that won't involve spending money. ie: the park,beach, or even a coffe shop. It's the connection between the two individuals that makes the date memorable. Not the location or the amount of money spent. if theres a strong connection, then you could move on to dates which will require money. Of course, if your spending money on dates just to get in a woman's pants, then you deserve to lose any money you had spent. Amen to that.
Cypress25 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Of course, if your spending money on dates just to get in a woman's pants, then you deserve to lose any money you had spent. Good call!
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