silvermercy Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 It's common knowledge that the reason some younger women (not talking about gold-diggers) date older men is because of their (delayed) maturity levels and stability. (Also, because of some archaic patriarchal traditions in some cases, but that's another topic altogether). If most men matured earlier of course, then most women would most definitely prefer to date those younger men around their own age. It's not just older men who want to date younger women. Females would want to date younger men, too, if the parameter of maturity levels didn't come into play. I'm 29, female, but I won't date people with more +/- three years of age difference. That was always the case for me - and my female friends, too. I would still be flexible though if a VERY good case appeared. That would include a handsome and reasonably fit 40-year old man who would have absolutely NO PROBLEM dating women his own age and who wouldn't mind them if they were a bit more "aggressive" than younger ones (because I read non-aggressive as "naive", "innocent", "easily manipulated", "typical doormat" for some reason in your post).
NXS Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 It's common knowledge that the reason some younger women (not talking about gold-diggers) date older men is because of their (delayed) maturity levels and stability. It may be common knowledge but there's nothing to back up your statement. I don't see anything more mature about younger women v younger men. What I see is younger women preferring older men who are better providers and more mature. (because I read non-aggressive as "naive", "innocent", "easily manipulated", "typical doormat" for some reason in your post). I'm sure you do because just like the previous poster you've learnt all your advice about men from other women/chat-shows or other sources rather than talking to men. You have a hostile attitude about what men actually want and prefer to superimpose your ideas.
silvermercy Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) It may be common knowledge but there's nothing to back up your statement. I don't see anything more mature about younger women v younger men. What I see is younger women preferring older men who are better providers and more mature.I don't need to back it up. lol I've only stated the main reason, as the evidence is all out there for all to see. In general, modern females increasingly prefer younger men, too, IF they have matching personalities. Again, no scientific type of evidence, just the truth that is out there. Seek it to see it. But one thing I need to make clear still: most women would NOT date an older man, no matter how charming, who makes a habit of trying to date ONLY younger women. I think most females who reply here would confirm it at least. So for example, a 29 year-old woman would possibly feel very reluctant in dating you if she KNEW (after revealing it to her) that you have only a dating range of, say, 20-30 or 25-35. If you had a range of, say, 25-45, then the same woman would most possibly give you a chance - if your personalities matched of course. (Hey, I hope you are truthful to them now!) I'm sure you do because just like the previous poster you've learnt all your advice about men from other women/chat-shows or other sources rather than talking to men. You have a hostile attitude about what men actually want and prefer to superimpose your ideas.What men actually want is different from they actually get (or should get). And vice versa. Not sure where I came off as hostile against men. I'm not personally. I don't read female mags, watch chat shows etc either. I actually hate them. I speak to both men and women, but surely what women think about and want would be more relevant I think in your situation?? Ok, but then you still have to explain to us what you meant by "aggressive" so we don't make assumptions. Edited October 14, 2011 by silvermercy
Cee Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I have had serious relationships with older men. And now I am in a relationship with a younger man. Take it from me, the secret to dating outside your age group is to treat every person, young or old, as potential dating partners. Dating is about finding a compatible mate. And few of us (myself included) can afford to be too picky. Cast your net wide and see what happens.
Stung Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Yes, but I will give him kind of 1/2 credit on that one because he said 'some' women and conceded that (perhaps) he would consider a woman his age. But yes, he is going to miss out if age is the only consideration. I will admit, though, that I do roll my eyes at the "I look this age and feel this age" stuff that I hear so often.... If I had $1 for every time I heard that... I'm 36. I think I look 35, and I feel 37.
Stung Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Anyway, OP, the age range you're looking at isn't unreasonable. A thirty year old can be a good match for a forty year old, sure. Of course, as others have pointed out, the thirteen years of marriage under your belt are going to put you in a different headspace than that most women in their 20s and 30s are occupying, but there are exceptions. Just as you will find there are exceptions to your belief that women your own age don't keep fit and age beautifully. Keep your eyes open on all the different types and possibilities around you and you'll find something promising sooner or later. It's time to get back out there and have a good time.
Josephina Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I've contemplated this question from the other side. I'm 30, and not ready to start dating again, but I've thought that I would date older when I get there. I have made it a point to look at older men and assess their attractiveness, and have even discussed this with my friends on girls night out. I am really struggling with it though! My ex is 5 years older than me, and anyone who appears older than him just seems...older than my comfort range! I'm not hung up on any particular number, but we start to have a generation gap of sorts, although I'd love to learn more about "older" men. I start to imagine wrinkles in spots I've never seen them (sorry for that graphic, but I am trying to be realistic so that if I do get to the sack with an older man I can handle it!). My advice, wait for the chemistry, and then ask her out. If there is chemistry, then age is just a number!
FitChick Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I can't help but wonder what the OP would do if he met a woman who he was very attracted to, had a great time with, great conversation, etc. then found out after several dates that she was his age or even a few years older. Would he dump her because "it's the principle of the the thing?"
FitChick Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Here is a woman who is only 26. Perfect for the OP! She certainly feels young and acts young. A perfect example of why you should always have current photos on your dating profile and not get hung up on whether people lie about their age. Age is irrelevant.
Beachgirl8 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Imagine for a moment you have a beautiful, happy, 28 year old daughter that you only want the best for. And she brought home a 40 year old divorced boyfriend. How would you feel about that?
Emilia Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I have had serious relationships with older men. And now I am in a relationship with a younger man. Take it from me, the secret to dating outside your age group is to treat every person, young or old, as potential dating partners. Dating is about finding a compatible mate. And few of us (myself included) can afford to be too picky. Cast your net wide and see what happens. The voice of reason as usual speaking from experience rather than prejudice
grkBoy Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Imagine for a moment you have a beautiful, happy, 28 year old daughter that you only want the best for. And she brought home a 40 year old divorced boyfriend. How would you feel about that? I would look at the guy for who he is. If he's established, stable, wants a solid RL, treats my daughter well, and could even take care of things if they have a family...then I can't say "no". If he's a good man to my "daughter" then I'm not going to hold his age on him...not when I could "veto" and then my daughter ends up only meeting shallow early-30s yuppies who see her as a piece of tail, or worse some Jersey Shore wannabe. It's just a number. In the past you would see 30something and 40 something guys marry teenage girls. The only thing I'd want for my "daughter" is she's happy and with a bonna-fide "good man". So the 40something guy who makes her breakfast in bed or buys her flowers out of the blue is a better deal than the late 20s guy who still wants to be a "frat boy" til he's 40, and thus she's spending Sundays nursing him out of a hangover. I know that's a bit extreme, but I hope you get my point.
FitChick Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 It's just a number. In the past you would see 30something and 40 something guys marry teenage girls. The only thing I'd want for my "daughter" is she's happy and with a bonna-fide "good man". So the 40something guy who makes her breakfast in bed or buys her flowers out of the blue is a better deal than the late 20s guy So you'd feel the same if it were your son dating a 40-year old woman?
ThsAmericanLife Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 You realize that EVERY GUY SAYS THIS. And I call bullsh*t... Having been on the dating sites for a number of years there is no bigger turn-off than middle-aged guys saying they look and feel younger than they actually are and is a secret language that they are looking for young booty. Now that is fine and dandy, but I just want you to know how it comes across when you say things like that - even if you believe it. It gives the appearance that you only want to play around with young flesh and are dismissing women your own age. Again, fine if that is what you want to do; I'm just sharing the hidden meanings behind such banter. I'm 47 and certainly don't feel or look it. But it is how old I am and how society perceives me. I get hit on by men who are north of 60 and 70 looking for younger flesh. The guy I had sex with this week (a doctor, no less) said I had the body of a 33-year old. Nice compliment, but I'm not going to advertise that on a dating site. It's funny how repeatable this stupid story is... I've seen the same profiles myself a million times. And all I see is a guy who is grasping for his youth, pathetically insecure, and one who really has zero interest in searching for true compatibility.
ThsAmericanLife Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I am not speaking some hidden language. It is my experience that a lot of women my age are not interested in working out and taking care of themselves. My ex-wife is 7 years younger than I am and I got a long great with her on a mental and physical level. It is not just about looks either. Some older women are much more aggressive, which is something I don't particularly like. I do feel that there is an age that is too young for me and honestly it depends on the girl. That goes both ways, so I am not completely closed off to women my age. And I am not just looking for young booty as you say, but in my original post I admitted that physical attraction is something that holds a lot of value to me. I won't apologize for that. This is not an 'age' problem.. it is a born in America problem. If you are honest with yourself, you'll find that plenty of young'ins are not interested in working out and taking care of themselves either. There is a shortage of people (men and women) of any age who take care of themselves. Also, if you are looking to be the more dominant person in the relationship, I find it really repulsive to 'prey' on younger women so that you can have your way and feel important. A better approach (and one that actually might land you some real compatibility!!) is just state your lifestyle (fit/active) and relationship choice (dom/sub). Going for 'age' just makes you look like a pathetic perv.
Beachgirl8 Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I would look at the guy for who he is. If he's established, stable, wants a solid RL, treats my daughter well, and could even take care of things if they have a family...then I can't say "no". If he's a good man to my "daughter" then I'm not going to hold his age on him...not when I could "veto" and then my daughter ends up only meeting shallow early-30s yuppies who see her as a piece of tail, or worse some Jersey Shore wannabe. It's just a number. In the past you would see 30something and 40 something guys marry teenage girls. The only thing I'd want for my "daughter" is she's happy and with a bonna-fide "good man". So the 40something guy who makes her breakfast in bed or buys her flowers out of the blue is a better deal than the late 20s guy who still wants to be a "frat boy" til he's 40, and thus she's spending Sundays nursing him out of a hangover. I know that's a bit extreme, but I hope you get my point. I understand what you are saying. In theory it sounds good, and I'm sure there are May-December couples where they are truly happy. But let me tell you about my experience. I met my ex when I was 24 and he was 36. I thought all those things about him that you just mentioned. He seemed more mature than the guys my age, he was established in his career, didn't drink or party, etc. By the time I was turning 30, he was already looking at younger women. I did not gain weight or have any significant change in my appearance or anything like that. He started cheating on me with girls in their early 20's. He is now 47 and dating a 27 year old. So my point is, an older man who is fixated on the youth of their partner is potentially a red flag. Because for as long as they "look and feel young" (eye roll) they will feel entitled to the most desirable females- aka girls in their 20's. So all things being equal, Id prefer my daughter, if I had one, stick to guys approximately her own age who don't have this kind of mentality. And yes, I know this is only my experience and not indicative of ALL older guys. But you won't catch me dating any more older men.
ThsAmericanLife Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I understand what you are saying. In theory it sounds good, and I'm sure there are May-December couples where they are truly happy. But let me tell you about my experience. I met my ex when I was 24 and he was 36. I thought all those things about him that you just mentioned. He seemed more mature than the guys my age, he was established in his career, didn't drink or party, etc. By the time I was turning 30, he was already looking at younger women. I did not gain weight or have any significant change in my appearance or anything like that. He started cheating on me with girls in their early 20's. He is now 47 and dating a 27 year old. So my point is, an older man who is fixated on the youth of their partner is potentially a red flag. Because for as long as they "look and feel young" (eye roll) they will feel entitled to the most desirable females- aka girls in their 20's. So all things being equal, Id prefer my daughter, if I had one, stick to guys approximately her own age who don't have this kind of mentality. And yes, I know this is only my experience and not indicative of ALL older guys. But you won't catch me dating any more older men. I agree... There are men who have an age 'fetish'. It's all about what they can tell their friends and family. Women aren't human beings to them.
Author Mar1neOne Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 I've contemplated this question from the other side. I'm 30, and not ready to start dating again, but I've thought that I would date older when I get there. I have made it a point to look at older men and assess their attractiveness, and have even discussed this with my friends on girls night out. I am really struggling with it though! My ex is 5 years older than me, and anyone who appears older than him just seems...older than my comfort range! I'm not hung up on any particular number, but we start to have a generation gap of sorts, although I'd love to learn more about "older" men. I start to imagine wrinkles in spots I've never seen them (sorry for that graphic, but I am trying to be realistic so that if I do get to the sack with an older man I can handle it!). My advice, wait for the chemistry, and then ask her out. If there is chemistry, then age is just a number! Honestly, that is the same problem that I am having. My ex-wife is 33 and anyone that looks older than her just doesn't excite me. Granted my ex-wife, to me, is exceptionally beautiful. She is actually so much better looking today than she was 13 years ago. I honestly hope you are right about the chemistry thing no matter the age.( same, younger or older. ) But, I do know for me attraction is a huge part of the chemistry.
Author Mar1neOne Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 This is not an 'age' problem.. it is a born in America problem. If you are honest with yourself, you'll find that plenty of young'ins are not interested in working out and taking care of themselves either. There is a shortage of people (men and women) of any age who take care of themselves. Also, if you are looking to be the more dominant person in the relationship, I find it really repulsive to 'prey' on younger women so that you can have your way and feel important. A better approach (and one that actually might land you some real compatibility!!) is just state your lifestyle (fit/active) and relationship choice (dom/sub). Going for 'age' just makes you look like a pathetic perv. Prey on younger women? Not sure how you got that but whatever. You sound like a very bitter person.
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