Mar1neOne Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Hey Everyone, I am re-entering the dating game after a 13 year marriage. I actually got divorced over 1.5 years ago and have resisted dating again, because I was dreading every part of it. I am finally getting excited about meeting new people now and am starting to get out there. My question is this..... I turned 40 last month and I am wondering what is the age range I should be dating in. I am not really attracted to most women my age or older. However, there are exceptions. I know 40 isn't exactly young, but I honestly don't look my age. I am in the best shape of my life. I feel like I am 28 or 29 and probably look like I am around 35. I don't consider myself shallow, but I do place a lot of emphasis on physical attraction. I workout and I want to date someone who is also healthy. I know physical attraction isn't everything, but honestly it really has to start with that; doesn't it? Anyway is it un-reasonable for me to be asking out women in the 28-35 age range?
chphan Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Everyone has their own preference in terms of year difference. For me its usually a 10 year difference as a max. Any more than I might be pushing it in terms of dipping too young. So if you're 40 years old, I say 30 years and up is good. Of course some people are known to dip all the way down to 15 years younger or even 20 years younger.
Author Mar1neOne Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 Everyone has their own preference in terms of year difference. For me its usually a 10 year difference as a max. Any more than I might be pushing it in terms of dipping too young. So if you're 40 years old, I say 30 years and up is good. Of course some people are known to dip all the way down to 15 years younger or even 20 years younger. Yeah, 15 years is a little much for me. I want someone that I can talk to and that has similar interests. I don't think I would have much in common with a 25yo.
norajane Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Yeah, 15 years is a little much for me. I want someone that I can talk to and that has similar interests. I don't think I would have much in common with a 25yo. Well, a 25 year old and a 28 year old aren't that much different. You can ask the 28 years olds out, but they aren't likely to have all that much in common with you, especially since you have a marriage and divorce under your belt. So the younger women might not say yes to a date, and even if they do, regardless of how "young" you look or whatever, their heads are in a different place than a 40 year old man's.
azsinglegal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 It's really up to you and what you're looking for. Women in the 25-35 age range might be looking for kids and marriage...are you looking for that again? While women 35-45 might be looking for fun and a companion. I'm 38 and THIS is what I'm after. It's really all up to you and your expectations. If you're just going for an ego boost to make you feel better about turning 40 and getting divorced - 25-30 might be for you. But again, it's what the women are looking too. Focus less on age, and more on what you're looking for at this stage in your life.
GoodHeart1981 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Yeah, 15 years is a little much for me. I want someone that I can talk to and that has similar interests. I don't think I would have much in common with a 25yo. Coming out of a 13 year marriage, I don't think you'd have much in common with a 28 or 30 year old either. Are you just looking to have a little fun?
azsinglegal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Coming out of a 13 year marriage, I don't think you'd have much in common with a 28 or 30 year old either. Are you just looking to have a little fun? Maybe that 28-30 yr old is also divorced or has kids...then they'd have things in common. Why is there so much focus on AGE?
FitChick Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 When I was 29, a 40 year old asked me out and I thought he was a creepy old guy. He was attractive, rich and in a high profile job. Most women in their 20s feel the same about anyone more than a few years older. After all, they can get the hot young guys their own age. Having found middle-aged, fit, slim men with hair to be a rarity, I tend to date 10-15 years younger, and men much younger than that contact me. I need to connect with a man intellectually and not just physically so I don't go for the really young ones. I do like to look at them, though.
azsinglegal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 When I was 29, a 40 year old asked me out and I thought he was a creepy old guy. He was attractive, rich and in a high profile job. Most women in their 20s feel the same about anyone more than a few years older. After all, they can get the hot young guys their own age. Having found middle-aged, fit, slim men with hair to be a rarity, I tend to date 10-15 years younger, and men much younger than that contact me. I need to connect with a man intellectually and not just physically so I don't go for the really young ones. I do like to look at them, though. So...are you the cougar I mentioned in another thread?
CarrieT Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I am not really attracted to most women my age or older. However, there are exceptions. I know 40 isn't exactly young, but I honestly don't look my age. I am in the best shape of my life. I feel like I am 28 or 29 and probably look like I am around 35. You realize that EVERY GUY SAYS THIS. And I call bullsh*t... Having been on the dating sites for a number of years there is no bigger turn-off than middle-aged guys saying they look and feel younger than they actually are and is a secret language that they are looking for young booty. Now that is fine and dandy, but I just want you to know how it comes across when you say things like that - even if you believe it. It gives the appearance that you only want to play around with young flesh and are dismissing women your own age. Again, fine if that is what you want to do; I'm just sharing the hidden meanings behind such banter. I'm 47 and certainly don't feel or look it. But it is how old I am and how society perceives me. I get hit on by men who are north of 60 and 70 looking for younger flesh. The guy I had sex with this week (a doctor, no less) said I had the body of a 33-year old. Nice compliment, but I'm not going to advertise that on a dating site.
azsinglegal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) You realize that EVERY GUY SAYS THIS. And I call bullsh*t... Having been on the dating sites for a number of years there is no bigger turn-off than middle-aged guys saying they look and feel younger than they actually are and is a secret language that they are looking for young booty. Now that is fine and dandy, but I just want you to know how it comes across when you say things like that - even if you believe it. It gives the appearance that you only want to play around with young flesh and are dismissing women your own age. Again, fine if that is what you want to do; I'm just sharing the hidden meanings behind such banter. I'm 47 and certainly don't feel or look it. But it is how old I am and how society perceives me. I get hit on by men who are north of 60 and 70 looking for younger flesh. The guy I had sex with this week (a doctor, no less) said I had the body of a 33-year old. Nice compliment, but I'm not going to advertise that on a dating site. This is a VERY good point. I'm glad someone talked about the pink elephant in the room. One of my EXs was 38 and only wanted to date 24-27 yr olds. He needed viagra to keep up with me for goodness sake. It was an EGO boost for him tho to be able to pull young girls like that...he always complained how dumb they were and immature but continued to go after them. Edited October 14, 2011 by azsinglegal
Author Mar1neOne Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 You realize that EVERY GUY SAYS THIS. And I call bullsh*t... Having been on the dating sites for a number of years there is no bigger turn-off than middle-aged guys saying they look and feel younger than they actually are and is a secret language that they are looking for young booty. Now that is fine and dandy, but I just want you to know how it comes across when you say things like that - even if you believe it. It gives the appearance that you only want to play around with young flesh and are dismissing women your own age. Again, fine if that is what you want to do; I'm just sharing the hidden meanings behind such banter. I'm 47 and certainly don't feel or look it. But it is how old I am and how society perceives me. I get hit on by men who are north of 60 and 70 looking for younger flesh. The guy I had sex with this week (a doctor, no less) said I had the body of a 33-year old. Nice compliment, but I'm not going to advertise that on a dating site. I am not speaking some hidden language. It is my experience that a lot of women my age are not interested in working out and taking care of themselves. My ex-wife is 7 years younger than I am and I got a long great with her on a mental and physical level. It is not just about looks either. Some older women are much more aggressive, which is something I don't particularly like. I do feel that there is an age that is too young for me and honestly it depends on the girl. That goes both ways, so I am not completely closed off to women my age. And I am not just looking for young booty as you say, but in my original post I admitted that physical attraction is something that holds a lot of value to me. I won't apologize for that.
Pasttense Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 What's reasonable depends on what you bring to the table (attractiveness, personality, wealth...) vs your dating requirements. I think you currently have a big negative in what you bring to the table--that you haven't dated for 13 plus years so your dating skills are very rusty. Consequently I suggest you might lower your requirements for a few months until you have sharpened up these skills. If you do in fact look only 35 years old, you can always lie about your age--I don't think that many women look at driver's licenses at a first date.
azsinglegal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I am not speaking some hidden language. It is my experience that a lot of women my age are not interested in working out and taking care of themselves. My ex-wife is 7 years younger than I am and I got a long great with her on a mental and physical level. It is not just about looks either. Some older women are much more aggressive, which is something I don't particularly like. I do feel that there is an age that is too young for me and honestly it depends on the girl. That goes both ways, so I am not completely closed off to women my age. And I am not just looking for young booty as you say, but in my original post I admitted that physical attraction is something that holds a lot of value to me. I won't apologize for that. You sound like my ex, he was really shallow too. And the reason in-shape, attractive women like me are still single cuz men like you want women 10 yrs younger and not your own age. Guess dealing with a REAL woman who's mature is too much. You'd rather have someone young and niave then a strong woman. Sad. You're going to miss out on some great gals based on your high opinion of yourself and your wanting to only date young women.
Frogwife Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) I think age really is just a number. I'm 43 next month and separated from my husband. During this time, I've seen men who range in age from 30 to 50 - each one of them bringing something different to the table. The 50-year-old has a tablette de chocolate that I could bounce a quarter off of, so for me, the age of a person tells me nothing in terms of their attractiveness, character, sexiness, intelligence - every person is different. Although I don't quite agree with "you're too shallow to handle a REAL woman" attitude of the poster above me, I think if we limit ourselves to a number, we can certainly miss out. If I were a guy, I would much rather date a 45-year-old Cindy Crawford than a 25-year-old Snooki. (Edit to add) All that said... if I was looking for a real, settle-down partner... I would probably prefer someone close to my own age just because we would probably be at similar places in our lives, have similar frames of reference, etc. Edited October 14, 2011 by Frogwife
azsinglegal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I think age really is just a number. I'm 43 next month and separated from my husband. During this time, I've seen men who range in age from 30 to 50 - each one of them bringing something different to the table. The 50-year-old has a tablette de chocolate that I could bounce a quarter off of, so for me, the age of a person tells me nothing in terms of their attractiveness, character, sexiness, intelligence - every person is different. Although I don't quite agree with "you're too shallow to handle a REAL woman" attitude of the poster above me, I think if we limit ourselves to a number, we can certainly miss out. If I were a guy, I would much rather date a 45-year-old Cindy Crawford than a 25-year-old Snooki. Did you see where he said he'd rather date younger women because older ones are too aggressive? He's basing everything about starting dating again on age. After being married for 13 yrs, not only is he rusty in dating but in knowing women. Unless he's rich, then he should hook up with the other shallow chick who just wants a guy who can financially support her. They might be a match made in heaven.
Frogwife Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 You sound like my ex, he was really shallow too. And the reason in-shape, attractive women like me are still single cuz men like you want women 10 yrs younger and not your own age. Guess dealing with a REAL woman who's mature is too much. You'd rather have someone young and niave then a strong woman. Sad. You're going to miss out on some great gals based on your high opinion of yourself and your wanting to only date young women. Did you see where he said he'd rather date younger women because older ones are too aggressive? He's basing everything about starting dating again on age. After being married for 13 yrs, not only is he rusty in dating but in knowing women. Unless he's rich, then he should hook up with the other shallow chick who just wants a guy who can financially support her. They might be a match made in heaven. Yes, but I will give him kind of 1/2 credit on that one because he said 'some' women and conceded that (perhaps) he would consider a woman his age. But yes, he is going to miss out if age is the only consideration. I will admit, though, that I do roll my eyes at the "I look this age and feel this age" stuff that I hear so often....
azsinglegal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Yes, but I will give him kind of 1/2 credit on that one because he said 'some' women and conceded that (perhaps) he would consider a woman his age. But yes, he is going to miss out if age is the only consideration. I will admit, though, that I do roll my eyes at the "I look this age and feel this age" stuff that I hear so often.... If I had $1 for every time I heard that...
grkBoy Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Anyway is it un-reasonable for me to be asking out women in the 28-35 age range? I don't think it's unreasonable for anyone to ask anyone else out. The trick is getting them to say "yes". So older man or older woman asking younger man or younger woman out? Hey, if the person being asked out says "yes" then it's all good with me. Ugly person asking out hot person? Again...if the person being asked out says "yes", then it's all good with me. Good luck!
NXS Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 You sound like my ex, he was really shallow too. And the reason in-shape, attractive women like me are still single cuz men like you want women 10 yrs younger and not your own age. Guess dealing with a REAL woman who's mature is too much. You'd rather have someone young and niave then a strong woman. Sad. You're going to miss out on some great gals based on your high opinion of yourself and your wanting to only date young women. Well this is the hypocrisy of quite a lot of women who only date older guys when they are younger but expect men of around the same age to date them when they get older. Also I'm not sure what a 'strong' woman is, it's certainly not anything I, or most of my male friends, would look for in a woman. Most of the 'real' women I've met woudn't be described as 'strong'.
NXS Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Hey Everyone, I am re-entering the dating game after a 13 year marriage. I actually got divorced over 1.5 years ago and have resisted dating again, because I was dreading every part of it. I am finally getting excited about meeting new people now and am starting to get out there. My question is this..... I turned 40 last month and I am wondering what is the age range I should be dating in. I am not really attracted to most women my age or older. However, there are exceptions. I know 40 isn't exactly young, but I honestly don't look my age. I am in the best shape of my life. I feel like I am 28 or 29 and probably look like I am around 35. I don't consider myself shallow, but I do place a lot of emphasis on physical attraction. I workout and I want to date someone who is also healthy. I know physical attraction isn't everything, but honestly it really has to start with that; doesn't it? Anyway is it un-reasonable for me to be asking out women in the 28-35 age range? Just go out and have some fun rather than trying to go straight into something serious. I think the age range you suggested would not be unreasonable.
azsinglegal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Well this is the hypocrisy of quite a lot of women who only date older guys when they are younger but expect men of around the same age to date them when they get older. Also I'm not sure what a 'strong' woman is, it's certainly not anything I, or most of my male friends, would look for in a woman. Most of the 'real' women I've met woudn't be described as 'strong'. Strong woman = one who can stand on her own two feet who WANTS a man but doesn't NEED a man. And I didn't date a man who was 40 when I was 28. Actually, I've never dated a man who's 40 and I'm 38! I've almost always dated men my own age and when I turned 35, I started dating a little younger...but never older. I guess as I get older the age thing gets on my nerves, especially with dating. I *also* look and feel 30 but am actually 38. Women can say that too...but to relate to a guy that's 25? I'd rather knaw my arm off. LOL
NXS Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Strong woman = one who can stand on her own two feet who WANTS a man but doesn't NEED a man. Whenever I hear women use words like these I just roll my eyes and walk away. All I hear is the latest vacuous buzzwords from some women's magazine/talk-show being regurgitated. Maybe you should stop taking advice about what men want from other women or male talk-show hosts. I'm sure there's plenty of men on here who would set you straight. And I didn't date a man who was 40 when I was 28. Actually, I've never dated a man who's 40 and I'm 38! I've almost always dated men my own age and when I turned 35, I started dating a little younger...but never older. I guess as I get older the age thing gets on my nerves, especially with dating. I *also* look and feel 30 but am actually 38. Women can say that too...but to relate to a guy that's 25? I'd rather knaw my arm off. LOL Well I was expecting you to say something like that but the reality is that younger women usually date older guys. I'm not talking about 10-15 year age gaps but older guys in general.
snug.bunny Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 The age range you listed isn't unreasonable, nor is it unreasonable of you to want to date someone you're physically attracted to. Of course, there are some that do date others they're not attracted to, but they're either dating for money or they are one of the rare few who don't need to be physically attracted to their partner. If you were 50, who only dated 20 year old women, then I'd be like "whoa". But, that's not the case.
azsinglegal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Whenever I hear women use words like these I just roll my eyes and walk away. All I hear is the latest vacuous buzzwords from some women's magazine/talk-show being regurgitated. Maybe you should stop taking advice about what men want from other women or male talk-show hosts. I'm sure there's plenty of men on here who would set you straight. Well I was expecting you to say something like that but the reality is that younger women usually date older guys. I'm not talking about 10-15 year age gaps but older guys in general. I dont' read women's magazines or watch talk shows. I do read alot of books though, and don't just limit them to women authors. I'm too old for Cosmo's "how to trap your man" Really...I've been supporting myself for a long time. As far as men, compliment my life without complicating it.
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