Thierro Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) Two weeks ago I met a girl at a train station. I was sitting next to her when I dropped a bottle of water I picked out of my bag. She made a funny remark about it and I challenged her. I picked a couple of daisies earlier for my female colleagues (I invited them for diner because it was my last day at work). I picked one too many and gave the girl one of the flowers. I needed to go, so I gave her my e-mail. The same night she e-mailed me. Telling me the flower sits on her desk quite nicely. We exchanged a couple of e-mails and text messages after that and I decided to ask her out this friday. She agreed to a picnic. It’s funny, because I was thinking of my ex when I was sitting next to her. I showered, shaved and I’m sitting here butt naked while I am writing this. I don’t feel like going. Not sure what to expect. To be honest, I forgot how she looks like. I did what I did because I want to meet people. To make new friends. Even though I feel like I am over my ex 100% I am not sure if I am projecting my old feelings into this girl. This is my first date after almost 6 years. I hope that I can find the right dynamic between the two of us. Just having fun is my main goal and I don't care if it works out or not. I’ll keep you posted. I see her in less than 3 hours. Time to get dressed... Edited October 14, 2011 by Thierro
futuregopher Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Haha. I sometimes forget how people look too. Have fun though!!!
Author Thierro Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 (edited) We sat next to each other on a large tree stump in a park while we looked over a forest side and a large pond. We talked for over two hours. There was good chemistry and we enjoyed each other’s company. Sometimes her face was so close to mine during the conversation that I felt the urge to kiss her. But I didn't. I just wanted to get to know her. When the date ended, I wrapped my arm around her because she was shivering. I hugged her goodbye and told her that I had a good time. Touching her felt different. I am used to the scent, touch, smile and other peculiarities of my ex. Is it normal to feel this way? Or am I still caught up on my ex? Being close to this girl feels nice, but touching her makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t love this girl and maybe that’s the reason why something is out of place. I’m a bit at a loss because I have no idea what my body is telling me. Something tells me it is wrong wanting to kiss her because I thought my ex and I would make it to the end. Her lips and arms around me always felt like home to me. Now I am a bit scared to kiss a girl and eventually make love to a girl that is someone else and feels differently. In a way it feels like I am betraying my own values and my promises to my ex. Edited October 15, 2011 by Thierro
Author Thierro Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 How long ago did you break up with your ex? 16 months ago.
laotzu Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Yeah, you're probably focusing on her way too much. I understand how it works - it's difficult to get them to move out of your head, even if they've moved out of your home - but you definitely want to be kicking that process along. I was with mine for ~3.5 years or so, and I know what you're going through. I'm finding sex difficult, in a way, because I was so used to her body. It can be really weird, and it's not easy. I can tell you this: women are fantastic, and you'll find something new and different to like in every one of them, something that your ex was lacking and you didn't even know you liked. Also, dating really does help with the pain of losing someone, because you have something new to focus on. If you're attracted to her and she seems interesting, you should pursue it, because it'll help you to stop focusing on your ex. And you should pursue it with a smile on your face.
baguette Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Just date her and have a good time. I broke up with my ex of 5 years about one year ago and have been dating since. It was weird at first, but it opened up my eyes so much, seeing all the different types of people there are out there. 16 months out, you should definitely be moving along. Use this opportunity (and any others) to help you heal. You don't owe these dates anything but a good time, so don't feel guilty about it.
Author Thierro Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 Thanks for your input. I am going to enjoy myself with her company without over thinking it too much. There’s a big world out there with lots of new things to learn. I want my goals and I am going to hunt them down and enjoy myself as much as possible. I want to be the best I can be and running the same circles in my head isn’t going to help. I am going to take a big leap and let the chips fall where they may. I can’t contain this awesomeness any longer Let’s go and have fun.
East7 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Touching her felt different. I am used to the scent, touch, smile and other peculiarities of my ex. Is it normal to feel this way? Or am I still caught up on my ex? Being close to this girl feels nice, but touching her makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t love this girl and maybe that’s the reason why something is out of place. I’m a bit at a loss because I have no idea what my body is telling me. Something tells me it is wrong wanting to kiss her because I thought my ex and I would make it to the end. Her lips and arms around me always felt like home to me. Now I am a bit scared to kiss a girl and eventually make love to a girl that is someone else and feels differently. In a way it feels like I am betraying my own values and my promises to my ex. It's interesting how some kind of unwanted "loyalty" still survives after the break-ups. I have experienced that. You feel uncomfortable because you are feeling like you are "betraying" your ex. Obviously you are not over her and still dreaming about her and her body. The attachment is the most lasting feeling and the hardest to get rid of. Hmmm..who said men are not loyal? Most of the rebound relationships are made of projections. You search a little bit of your ex in other women, but they can't be your ex. You need to appreciate other type of women. They are not better or worse than your ex, they are just different. Thierro, you deserve to move on. Your ex maybe was a wonderful woman but she is gone. You need to taste other food. Good luck with this new lady.
Author Thierro Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) I don’t want to cause this new girl any unnecessary pain because of unsolved feelings that may or may not reside in my heart. I am new to the whole experience. I have had “girlfriends” in the past and I have had sex with them, but I consider my ex as my first true love. It really blew me off my socks when she broke up with me in a horrible way. It changed me as a person. The hurt turned into hatred and the hatred into a not caring (somehow numb and neutral) posture. I believed in ‘true love’. Someone that is made for you. But the reality shot this to pieces. And that’s ok. So now I have different emotions, interactions and values when it comes to love. I don’t think that I will ever love a woman as deeply as my ex, because the faith and trust I had is totally gone. I need to find new ways and new dynamics to interact with a girl that I want to bond with. I do believe that two people can be happy with each other throughout their life’s, but it has nothing to do with the supernatural. I just grew up and faced reality. If I close my eyes right now and try to kiss this new girl I feel the warmth, taste and texture from the lips that used to mean so much to me. I don’t know how to interpret these feelings that I have. It only makes sense that you remember the last experience you had with someone or something. The first time I kissed my ex, I knew what to expect, because I already had kissed a girl before her. But now, everything she was, is engraved into my brain and senses, because I was exposed to her for years. Should I let this girl go? Like I said, I don’t want to cause her any pain but I also don't want to give up on new adventures and chapters in my life. Most of the time I feel like Superman, but my (shattered) faith in true love has always been my kryptonite. I want to move on, but I don't want to crush someone elses heart while getting my act together. It's like I can't trust myself right now. I am out of touch with who I am and what I feel even though I THINK and KNOW I am in control. Edited October 16, 2011 by Thierro
dizy Posted October 17, 2011 Posted October 17, 2011 I don’t want to cause this new girl any unnecessary pain because of unsolved feelings that may or may not reside in my heart. I am new to the whole experience. I have had “girlfriends” in the past and I have had sex with them, but I consider my ex as my first true love. It really blew me off my socks when she broke up with me in a horrible way. It changed me as a person. The hurt turned into hatred and the hatred into a not caring (somehow numb and neutral) posture. I believed in ‘true love’. Someone that is made for you. But the reality shot this to pieces. And that’s ok. So now I have different emotions, interactions and values when it comes to love. I don’t think that I will ever love a woman as deeply as my ex, because the faith and trust I had is totally gone. I need to find new ways and new dynamics to interact with a girl that I want to bond with. I do believe that two people can be happy with each other throughout their life’s, but it has nothing to do with the supernatural. I just grew up and faced reality. I understand how you feel. Sometimes I wonder if I would ever believe in love again. and most of the time I wonder why not just stay single. I also have problem being interested in someone for a long period of time. but like you said, it's fine, eventually, i will meet someone who will be able to grab my attention entirely. mean while, i should just live my life. so do you =). a lot of people advised me to date someone else in order to forget abt my ex, but then i realized that it's not my way of turning the page. I struggled, spent time with friends and took the time to discover more abt myself and now im over it.just be friend with this person if you don't feel comfortable dating her.
Author Thierro Posted October 18, 2011 Author Posted October 18, 2011 I did feel a bit uncomfortable after a couple of responses here, but I will do just fine now. Like I said, this is new ground to me, but I'll do my best to explore it with confidence and respect. Thanks again for sharing your experiences.
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