montana15 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) To make it breif, there is this girl i used to like a lot, for a long time. I'm not talking about a fling or infatuation, i genuinely liked her. Years later, i still do, even though we havn't kept in contact for a year and a half. I have a history with her. I would always feel like i was winning her over, but it never really went past that. I felt like i was in a constant state of courting her. (i will give one, out of many examples) At my senior prom, i had wanted to ask her to be my date. But i lacked the balls, and someone else took her. So i took a different girl. I can't even remember how much we talked at prom. I remember when they gave a last call for the dances, i couldn't find her in the crowd to ask her to dance. At the after prom party i asked her if she would walk outside with me for a moment. Outside, i confessed i wanted to ask her and i can't remember her reply. But i remember telling her to 'hold on a second', and i opened my car and put in a cd. I remember her laughing and saying something along the lines of how corny i was. But we literally danced together out in the street to my car radio (which was playing a hand selected song) There are so many other instances i could list, but this one was definatley the one i have thought of the most, years later. She still lives in virginia, and i have moved to Florida. One night, i actually couldn't stop thinking about her. Sadly, i attempted to drown my thoughts with whiskey. Drunk, i found myself sitting in front of my computer, starring at the monintor. Her facebook page was open. I decided to send her the following message, typos and all. "This is going to be an awkward message to read, because i certainly know it's been an awkward one to write. At the risk of sounding corny or pathetic, I've always believed if there's something you want to say, say it. Because in the few moments it takes to recover from an awkward situation, it takes a lifetime longer to remember the things you always wanted to say, but never did. In high school, i wasn't a very 'refined' person. I was rude, annoying, and maybe even vulgar at times. Changing yourself to suit the expectations of someone else is something no person should ever do. Unless it's a change for the better. I'm not trying to say you changed me for life blah, blah. I want this message to be as realistic as possible, to confess my thoughts as articulately as possible. In all honesty, at the time, i could have seen myself changing into anything you wanted me to be. (It's very hard to write this without sounding like a complete idiot. Like i said, it has been an awkward message to write). This isn't a love letter, nor a letter meant to provoke some sense of sympathy, adoration, or any other emotion. Merely a letter I've wanted to write. I understand the meaning of infatuation. I understand it very clearly. Because of this, i can say i am not infatuated with you. But in the past years, i have most definitely thought of you, and i honestly don't know why. The only answer i could possibly think of was: because of the way I felt when you were around. I could fill a book with my thoughts about you, but to say any within this letter would certainly be misplacement. I don't expect a response, if anything; I expect to be deleted from any possible means of contact with you. This has been embarrassing to even write, but embarrassment falls short of regret. (it's 'funny' i found this necessary to write, when i don't know much about you.)" Not entirely sure why i inculded that last part, but i feel theres so much about her i don't know. Nine days later, she sent the following: "so i must admit that this was a complete surprise to read. i dont know why you wrote this or what made you feel like you needed to write it, but read it last friday. im confused and i dont have a response, but i thought i should tell you that i did read it." So now i find myself at a crossroad, and my mind is in turmoil. Part of me is saying, this is your chance to talk to her again. But another part of me is saying, you wrote that message for closure, that is all. So please leave it at that before you start throwing your heart out. Keep my history with this girl in mind. Even though so many times throughout our talking i felt a connection, it never went any further (altough i feel it honestly could have). However' i have attempted in vein to reconnect with her one other time before that message. I'll admit, it was a half assed attempt by a single text which i never got a reply to, but even that left me so disheartened. I either want to put this in it's grave, or reconnect with her if i have the chance. The problem is, i'm baised and want to reconnect, but usually this end with me feeling like ****. I'm just tired of making mistakes, and either want to put all of this behind me, or make it work if it's possible. I don't want to chase this anymore if it isn't going to happen. I just don't know what to do, and knowing me, i'll likely do nothing. Edited October 14, 2011 by montana15
thatconfusedgirl Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 You sound like a really great guy, unfortunately, I think that the fact she had no response to your letter can be read that she isn't all that interested or she's possibly seeing someone else. Personally, if I'm slightly interested in someone, it takes seconds to realise, whether its a mild feeling or strong, and I believe everyone knows instantly when they meet someone whether they find that person attractive or interesting or not. If I had recieved this email and remembered being curious about the person who wrote it, I'd reply saying lets catch up or get to know each other. But then again, she might have been shocked and might surprise you, the only way I think you could tell if she was interested is if in the future she tries to initiate contact of any sort, even just a hi on facebook would be enough of a sign I think. But if it doesn't happen just let her go, move on.
Leegh Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 As a female, if I received a letter such as yours, I would think you just liked me as a friend. Several parts of your letter do not sound romantic, such as "This isn't a love letter" and "I am not infatuated with you". Although your letter was well written, it did not signal a strong romantic interest, but it was GREAT for a first start in reestablishing contact. If you want to pursue things with her, I would email her and try to meet her sometime in VA. Your letter to her was well written, but I would try a shorter letter next time, such as "I have to be in VA on business on November ___, could you find time to meet me for a drink? Hope to hear from you soon". In my opinion, her letter was an appropriate reply to your letter. If she were not interested, she probably would have said she had a boyfriend, etc. The think the ball is in your court again. Good luck.
Author montana15 Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) Several parts of your letter do not sound romantic I didn't want my first reconnection with her after a year and a half to be a love letter. Thats coming on way to strong in my opinion. I just wanted her to know i was still thinking about her, and it wasn't because i was infatuated. It was because i genuinley felt something. I'm still not sure what to do, but i'm leaning towards "Just let her go, and if she ever replies, then go from there." As much as i want to try to send her another message to initiate some kind of conversation, i feel that that's still a bad idea. I don't want to chase her if she doesn't want me to. What is probably going to make this circumstance harder to understand to everyone but myself is, our history. I can't tell you how many times i felt a connection between us but never made a move. I also can't tell you how many times i've probably pissed her off, or vice versa. haha. Like i said, i think i should just move on, and if she tries to reconnect, great. If not, oh well. But i also feel like i'm making the same mistake i've made hundreds of times, by not trying to make a move. It's just utter confusion. (In this case when i say 'make a move' i don't mean anything along the lines of asking her out on a date. I'd be just as happy talking to her again.) Edited October 14, 2011 by montana15
Pasttense Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Do you have any mutual friends? Ask them about her life. Find out her phone number and call her. Ask her how her life is going, if she is in a relationship... If you don't clear this up now, you quite possibly are going to keep wondering for the rest of your life. Realistically I think the probability is high that she is either in a relationship with someone else or otherwise not interested in you--but I think there is still is a possibility she is still interested in you.
The Tiger Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I did this too once. The girl thought I was joking and I told her I wasn't and she blocked me. I also added some ex's and a bunch of people I don't know. You should at least tell her you were drunk when you wrote it. I didn't because I felt too embarassed about it. Alcohol is dangerous when you have access to Facebook.
Leegh Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 I think you were wise not to have the first recommunication letter be a love letter, but to her eyes, she may see the letter as a friendship type of letter, which is not a bad thing, but she probably doesn't know the extent of your feelings. Possibly with the holiday season not too far away, in several weeeks, wish her a "Happy Thanksgiving" or "Merry Christmas" etc., and try to either get something going with her by the end of year, or move on emotionally. To be stuck in "limbo" is miserable. I liked and thought about a guy constantly for 2 years, and never really knew how he felt. He, too, lived in another part of the country. We had only been out about 5 times. I got to the point where I welcomed that he told me he was not interested, it was almost a relief. I think you need clarity. Possibly you could suggest she visit FL for some sunny weather in the winter or something.
MilfinBerle Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Anyone else have any advice. Yes I have a suggestion for your thread title: "Stalker's Lament" (And I didn't even need to read through your rather tl;dr love letter, either.)
Author montana15 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Yes I have a suggestion for your thread title: "Stalker's Lament" (And I didn't even need to read through your rather tl;dr love letter, either.) Awesome advice. I bet your posts are some of the most highly regarded publications throughout the fourms. Hats off to you sir for such a dilligent reply. Next step, you could learn how to tie your shoes or walk and chew bubblegum at the same time. The world ahead is looking bright for you young sir. she may see the letter as a friendship type of letter [/Quote] thanks for the advice. I never ment for it to be a love letter, i had just wanted to tell her the way i feel and used to feel. I agree, limbo is horrible. Find out her phone number and call her [/Quote] I have her phone number. She gave it to me the last time i was in town. (Which was a year and a half ago). I just figured that any chance i had with her was gone once i had moved to a different state. And since i had moved, i've been feeling like ****.
Desensitized Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Awesome advice. I bet your posts are some of the most highly regarded publications throughout the fourms. Hats off to you sir for such a dilligent reply. Next step, you could learn how to tie your shoes or walk and chew bubblegum at the same time. The world ahead is looking bright for you young sir. Don't feed the trolls. Anyways, I probably would've done the same thing in your case, if I felt the way you still do about this woman. I think the letter was well written; like most have said, it did not seem to be a love letter - which is good. I can't really give you advice on what the next step would be from here, but I think that if you were to maintain contact with this woman, she wouldn't be creeped out at all.
MilfinBerle Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Awesome advice. I bet your posts are some of the most highly regarded publications throughout the fourms. Hats off to you sir for such a dilligent reply. Next step, you could learn how to tie your shoes or walk and chew bubblegum at the same time. The world ahead is looking bright for you young sir. Your way isn't working too well, is it champ?
Author montana15 Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 I'm thinking i should just wait. If she sends another message, great. But i'm planning on just going on like normal, until thanksgiving. I'll be going back to my hometown for four days to see family. I'm thinking around that time i should just ask her on a casual date. Seems like a good idea to me anyway. But i admit, i would prefer talking to her a bit more before that. However, i don't want to push things, and honestly, most of the things i can think of talking about over facebook are trivial. Seems to me just moving on until i can actually do something about it is the appropriate thing to do.
Author montana15 Posted October 17, 2011 Author Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) Screw it. I've decided to send the following: I wrote it because i found myself thinking of you, and felt overwhelmed to write. I must admit, the hardest part of writing any message is determining wether it should be sent or not. But if i didn't tell you how i feel, at least once, i know i would have regretted it. I also have the tendency to write messages too long, so i'll keep it short. Maybe its not organized very well. but damnit this is the best i've got. Edited October 17, 2011 by montana15
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