mike588 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 For all of us dumpees who want our ex. back I wonder if it's better to fight to get your ex. back or go with No Contact? I know each situation is different though. I FULLY understand the reason/s to go N.C. but wonder if you go N.C. it sends your ex. a signal that,,, I really don't care,, goodbye, have fun and justifies their decision. (he/she did'nt really care) I believed that women, especially, like to be chased,, fought for, not just be given up on. When I say "fight for" I don't mean constantly calling, texting, emailing etc!!!! We know that pushes them further away! If you are CIVIL about it, and don't get all emotional,begging,crying, pleading just remind them say,,, every other week (at the most?) that you still love/care for them and want it to work and leave it at that! nothing else!! In reminding them that I would suggest emails, texts only because we know what will possibly happen if you face him/her or call them,all the emotions start flying and the point your trying to make is lost. For those of you who know my story,, I'm sticking with N.C., it's been 7 weeks now and it works for me. But then again each relationship/situation is different. Just a thought.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Your idea may work but in most cases I see the dumper thinking this... "I have a backup plan in case something new doesn't work out, because it's been X amount of weeks and they still love/care about me."
Tayla Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I often think that NC is the CLEAN way to end things. Nothing ends well, or else it wouldnt end ...or so the saying goes. SO end it well by moving on. Its not a poor reflection by any means of the Goodness that the relationship did have once upon a time...if anything its says...Hey! I actually would like to have something decent down the road to say about you ...so lets leave the good back with the bad and call it even. Clean up the mess and stop bouncing back to the "maybe just one more talk...one more (fill in the blank)"....It doesnt work. Thats why it ended! If they need closure then out of due regard and given the circumstance then by all means wait 4-6 months and then do the closure chat.....admitting faults or at least acknowledging their perspective.....Then make peace and be done.....
betterdeal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 In reminding them that I would suggest emails, texts only because we know what will possibly happen if you face him/her or call them,all the emotions start flying and the point your trying to make is lost. This makes no sense at all. If you get upset when you actually interact with someone, that is how you relate to them. Whatever point you wish to make, if you can't do it in person, what's the point of making it at all?
69ways Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 For all of us dumpees who want our ex. back I wonder if it's better to fight to get your ex. back or go with No Contact? I know each situation is different though. I FULLY understand the reason/s to go N.C. but wonder if you go N.C. it sends your ex. a signal that,,, I really don't care,, goodbye, have fun and justifies their decision. (he/she did'nt really care) I believed that women, especially, like to be chased,, fought for, not just be given up on. When I say "fight for" I don't mean constantly calling, texting, emailing etc!!!! We know that pushes them further away! If you are CIVIL about it, and don't get all emotional,begging,crying, pleading just remind them say,,, every other week (at the most?) that you still love/care for them and want it to work and leave it at that! nothing else!! In reminding them that I would suggest emails, texts only because we know what will possibly happen if you face him/her or call them,all the emotions start flying and the point your trying to make is lost. For those of you who know my story,, I'm sticking with N.C., it's been 7 weeks now and it works for me. But then again each relationship/situation is different. Just a thought. There is no right or wrong here. One woman may be chased and find it nice as the guy shows interest while another to feel pressure and run away like the wind. My ex said: If you did not chase me , I would have come back...... Now , 9 months down the road and when I have lost 99% of my hopes and not interested if she breathes or not, she starts calling to see if I am dating(Hint: Are you still available......?) Its all relevant, its a gamble but deepens on so many parameters and character based attitudes , that is really a lottery ticket but you are taking the safe road
R32 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 If she's already with someone, you're just an annoyance by trying to fight for her. I hate to say it, but you shouldn't have to convince someone to be with you. If she wanted to be with you she would come back on her own.
betterdeal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 There's also another person to consider - the other guy. Personally, I hate to think I'm dragging someone else through the same sort of crap I was by her still connecting with an ex.
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