lolarose Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) I've been seeing a man for a couple of weeks. Things are going great. He's only lived in this city for a year and he's already been mugged 3 times! He's accident-prone like that I guess. LAst time he was mugged he said it left him unconscious on the street for hours before someone found him. I gave him my old wonky iphone since I had been trying to sell it to no avail (its OLD) ....He needed a phone and I had a new one... We had plans the other night for him to come over and watch a movie. He texted saying he was on his way. I told him to let me know when he was near since I dont have a buzzer at my apt. He never called or texted at all that night. I put my paranoia that I was being stood up aside (im getting better at this) and just assumed there was a logical explanation...OR....that something terrible happened to him. Since he is accident-prone and all. I texted once or twice asking if he was on his way or not, cause i wanted to run out and get us a bottle of wine and didnt want to be out when he got there. After 3 hours I called. No message. Waited another hour and called. At 2am I called one more time, this time leaving a message saying to please just let me know he's not dead. (lol) I thought this was all completely normal and he got back to me the next day with a text saying he was drinking all day (his family came into town to visit) and ended up passing out. Then told me a funny story how he accidentally fell asleep with the sandwich he was eating and rolled over on it. lol. I was kind of annoyed at how nonchalant he was about standing me up but I just replied with a "heh, glad youre ok" I havent heard from him in 3 almost 4 days. This could be nothing at all, but now it's got me thinking maybe the 3 calls freaked him out??? I thought nothing of it. Its not like it was a regular "why arent you answering me?!" thing. It was out of pure concern. He was on his way over to my place for godness sake!" BTW he's usually the one pursuing. I havent called or texted much other than this instance....and I absolutely have not called/texted since! is this overkill or completely reasonable considering the circumstances.? Edited October 14, 2011 by lolarose
norajane Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Maybe he's been drinking and is passed out. Maybe he has a drinking problem. Maybe that's why he's so "accident prone".
Sooner or Later Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 first off...he is not a prize... ...secondly, you need to stop calling/texting this dude... he is not into you.
Author lolarose Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 No, I know he was drinking all day at a wedding with his family and that he passed out. That wasnt my question. I was just wondering if what I did was overkill. LOL though.
Author lolarose Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 first off...he is not a prize... ...secondly, you need to stop calling/texting this dude... he is not into you. huh? prize? wha? I also just said that I dont keep calling/texting. AT ALL really. It was just that one incident. Can you please read my post thoroughly?
norajane Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 No, I know he was drinking all day at a wedding with his family and that he passed out. That wasnt my question. I was just wondering if what I did was overkill. LOL though. It wasn't overkill. He texted you saying he was on his way. He's a loser for not apologizing to you. AND, you really should consider whether he spends more time than you know drinking all day and then passing out afterward. Maybe he gets mugged on his way out of bars at closing time. Maybe his "accidents" are alcohol related.
Author lolarose Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 It wasn't overkill. He texted you saying he was on his way. He's a loser for not apologizing to you. AND, you really should consider whether he spends more time than you know drinking all day and then passing out afterward. Maybe he gets mugged on his way out of bars at closing time. Maybe his "accidents" are alcohol related. Thats what I thought originally. I figured it was normal to wonder where he was. A close girlfriend of mine was like OMG YOU CALLED HIM 3 TIMES???! PSYCHO! lol I mean, yea. I see where she's coming from if he DIDNT say he was on his way over and it was just any old situation. No, I really dont think his accidents are alcohol related. He lives in a sketchy neighborhood (he kinda just moved here without doing his neighborhood homework hehe) and he also ....I guess kinda stands out....he's tall with curly red hair. But whatever. Thats just semantics anyway. Im just concerned with whether or not my bunch of calls/texts that night was too much. I didnt think it would be a big deal, especially since hes the one pursuing me right now and i never contact him otherwise.
Kaplan Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 It's not unreasonable to worry about someone whom you're expecting. Even if it was a friend you'd be sending messages and calling until you found out they were okay. I doubt that he's thinking, "man, this girl called me three times, she must be clingy." I'd be more afraid of what this incident says about him than what he might think about you based on it. He actually said, "I'm on my way," and then never showed up? That's strange to me. Without knowing more details, it seems like he's a real ass.
Author lolarose Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 (edited) he actually said "leaving in a minute" the last time he said that he just ended up showing up so i assumed he was gonna do the same thing. thats just his personality. hes flakey i guess. hes very go with the flow - whatever about everything. this is also why its hard to decipher disinterest..when hes got this kind of personality. he made it like a joke the next day. in fact, he texted me a couple of times after that during the day. just dumb funny stuff throughout the day. just kinda weird that he hasnt in 4 days. its usually like him to send me something. Edited October 14, 2011 by lolarose
Chocolat Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 Why do you care? We had plans the other night for him to come over and watch a movie. He texted saying he was on his way. he got back to me the next day with a text saying he was drinking all day (his family came into town to visit) and ended up passing out. Then told me a funny story how he accidentally fell asleep with the sandwich he was eating and rolled over on it. So right after texting to say he was on his way, he passed out on top of his sandwich? Then, it took him a day to let you know why he stood you up and he offered no apology. I havent heard from him in 3 almost 4 days. This could be nothing at all, but now it's got me thinking maybe the 3 calls freaked him out??? Now, it's been another 4 days and you still haven't heard from him. No, I know he was drinking all day at a wedding with his family and that he passed out. thats just his personality. hes flakey i guess. hes very go with the flow - whatever about everything. Is this what you want -- someone who drinks to the point of passing out, fails to show up when he says he will, and is overall flakey? Seriously, why do you care? Find a guy who respects himself -- and you -- enough to be fully present.
vsmini Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 he actually said "leaving in a minute" the last time he said that he just ended up showing up so i assumed he was gonna do the same thing. thats just his personality. hes flakey i guess. hes very go with the flow - whatever about everything. this is also why its hard to decipher disinterest..when hes got this kind of personality. he made it like a joke the next day. in fact, he texted me a couple of times after that during the day. just dumb funny stuff throughout the day. just kinda weird that he hasnt in 4 days. its usually like him to send me something. Girl- slap yourself. What is wrong with you? You're in store for a lot of frustration in your relationships if you toelerate, much less date flakey guys. Keep in mind that often "go with the flow" mentalities mean commitment-phobes and not that into you. Calling someone 3 times in 3 hours because they told you they would be over soon and dont show up is not overkill. I agree with Chocolat. You need to get some boundaries for yourself. I think you're in serious denial about what's OK for dating behavior.
bittersweet memories Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I've been seeing a man for a couple of weeks. Things are going great. He's only lived in this city for a year and he's already been mugged 3 times! He's accident-prone like that I guess. LAst time he was mugged he said it left him unconscious on the street for hours before someone found him. I gave him my old wonky iphone since I had been trying to sell it to no avail (its OLD) ....He needed a phone and I had a new one... We had plans the other night for him to come over and watch a movie. He texted saying he was on his way. I told him to let me know when he was near since I dont have a buzzer at my apt. He never called or texted at all that night. I put my paranoia that I was being stood up aside (im getting better at this) and just assumed there was a logical explanation...OR....that something terrible happened to him. Since he is accident-prone and all. I texted once or twice asking if he was on his way or not, cause i wanted to run out and get us a bottle of wine and didnt want to be out when he got there. After 3 hours I called. No message. Waited another hour and called. At 2am I called one more time, this time leaving a message saying to please just let me know he's not dead. (lol) I thought this was all completely normal and he got back to me the next day with a text saying he was drinking all day (his family came into town to visit) and ended up passing out. Then told me a funny story how he accidentally fell asleep with the sandwich he was eating and rolled over on it. lol. I was kind of annoyed at how nonchalant he was about standing me up but I just replied with a "heh, glad youre ok" I havent heard from him in 3 almost 4 days. This could be nothing at all, but now it's got me thinking maybe the 3 calls freaked him out??? I thought nothing of it. Its not like it was a regular "why arent you answering me?!" thing. It was out of pure concern. He was on his way over to my place for godness sake!" BTW he's usually the one pursuing. I havent called or texted much other than this instance....and I absolutely have not called/texted since! is this overkill or completely reasonable considering the circumstances.? Not overkill at all. He texted you he was on his way. He stood you up. No excuse. HOnestly, he doesn't sound all that interested in you. I agree with the posters above. He probably has a drinking problem and that's why he's accident prone. Why would he get drunk knowing he had a date with you. Come on! And didn't even apologize the next day.
azsinglegal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 He's a flake and not into you. I've dealt with guys like this too...say they're "on their way" then just never show up and give some lame excuse. Move on. He's not worth your time or worry.
Author lolarose Posted October 14, 2011 Author Posted October 14, 2011 He didn't know he had a date with me. He had just got home after showing his parents around the city and a day wedding with family. Im assumig the passin out was from fatigue as well as being a little drunk. We had just decided at that last minute that he would come over. I told him if he was too tired to not come over and we would hang out another time, but he said no no I want to. I really don't think he did anything wrong. As usual, I post on here about one thing and everyone makes a huge thing over semantics. Read the post question! Thanks to those who actually gave an intelligent response. He called me today so I guess it wasn't overkill.
azsinglegal Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 He didn't know he had a date with me. He had just got home after showing his parents around the city and a day wedding with family. Im assumig the passin out was from fatigue as well as being a little drunk. We had just decided at that last minute that he would come over. I told him if he was too tired to not come over and we would hang out another time, but he said no no I want to. I really don't think he did anything wrong. As usual, I post on here about one thing and everyone makes a huge thing over semantics. Read the post question! Thanks to those who actually gave an intelligent response. He called me today so I guess it wasn't overkill. He didn't know he had a date with you? Really? Sweetie...you are second choice. Don't believe this douchebag. You deserve better. He obviously blew you off. Don't get caught up in his BS of finally calling you when he had time. I take being blown off seriously and you should too. It's disrespectful.
Almond_Joy Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 OK. He didn't know he had a date with you, but We had plans the other night for him to come over and watch a movie. How did you guys already have plans if he didn't know he had a date with you....? His response to your concern, in this situation, is disrespectful. It certainly was not overkill for you to call that many times. Kaplan said it very well: "It's not unreasonable to worry about someone whom you're expecting. Even if it was a friend you'd be sending messages and calling until you found out they were okay." If you didn't want people offering opinions on the character of the man you're dating, you should of put that in the original post, instead of getting p***y when people are trying to give you constructive advice. Good luck.
vsmini Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 He didn't know he had a date with me. He had just got home after showing his parents around the city and a day wedding with family. Im assumig the passin out was from fatigue as well as being a little drunk. We had just decided at that last minute that he would come over. I told him if he was too tired to not come over and we would hang out another time, but he said no no I want to. I really don't think he did anything wrong. As usual, I post on here about one thing and everyone makes a huge thing over semantics. Read the post question! Thanks to those who actually gave an intelligent response. He called me today so I guess it wasn't overkill. Intelligent responses? Sorry - most of us don't speak Doormat around here. Try the other woman threads in the affairs section.
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