anne1707 Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I'm confused. You are saying you only have sex once or twice a week but less than a week ago you said it was four or five times a week.
phineas Posted October 14, 2011 Posted October 14, 2011 I'm almost 40, I can go twice a day. But then that means having a woman around quite a bit & I honestly got other things to do than bang & cuddle 7 days a week. I got 3 evenings without my kids & their not friday or sat. I own a house & I got projects that need doing. twice a week every week spending time with a woman cuts into those projects. The last woman I was seeing didn't like the fact I could only see her once a week. Sorry, but that 20 cord of firewood isn't going to split & stack itself.
grkBoy Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 in an otherwise great and affectionate relationship? Also, the frequency is not really due to tiredness, kids or any other obstacles. It just seems like there is no desire (from his side) to do it more than that. Yeah...sometimes it'll be longer periods. It's not a lack of affection or attraction, but as you said. Work, fatigue, etc. Many times just lying in bed talking is a happy moment, like sleeping late on the weekend. I sometimes think the idea of sex 3-5 times a week is a myth brought on by fantasy stories, a few who actually do it, and porn.
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Just my opinion, but I am not sure how a thread like this is going to help you - or, in fact, fail to hurt you - in resolving your issue with disparate sex needs between you and your boyfriend. What good does it do you to learn whether a bunch of strangers are able to live with sex one or two times a week? Most of the respondents have said "no." What does this do for your day to day life with your boyfriend? I would imagine that it serves to increase your feeling of dissatisfaction and that something is terribly wrong. If almost all the responses had been "I'd be fine!", would you then be fine as well? If you were asking how different people had dealt with disparate sex drives in relationships, I can see how that might be useful. This thread, though, seems like nothing more than a self indulgent and potentially destructive (to your relationship) exercise in the quest for external validation. How are you behaving? Are you getting resentful? Are you thinking of "making him pay" somehow, maybe by rejecting HIM sexually? Have you been having open, honest and non defensive talks with him about how to find a middle ground that is comfortable and happy for each of you on this matter?
Cee Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 One barrier my boyfriend and I have in sex is we are afraid to broach new ideas and ways to break the routine. We experiment, but infrequently. Nor have we had enough frank discussions about what we want. I was pointed to a tool to talk about sex experimentation in an open and respectful way. I was going to post it on the Sex section of Love Shack, but I'll also post it here. It's a free online survey where partners talk about what the do, would like to try, and not want to do. Frequency isn't a question, but longer foreplay is one. What I like about it is the survey only discloses the preferences of BOTH partners and keeps discordant desires private. My boyfriend and I recently filled it out and we are going to try some new things out. The very act of opening the discussion will likely increase our desire. It might violate TOS to link this so Google: Mojoupgrade sex survey
FitChick Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Having sex everyday would make it routine, like brushing your teeth. Pent up desire makes the act much better in my opinion.
Pierre Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Having sex everyday would make it routine, like brushing your teeth. Pent up desire makes the act much better in my opinion. The above is a great post. I also need to add that thinking about frequency and having expectations is a set up for disappointment. The best sex is when both partners want it. To the OP: If your partner does not want sex it could be you are failing to arouse your partner. When a man says his wife is not interested in sex it often means that the man is a lousy partner that has no idea how to seduce a woman.
Ariadne Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Hey, Maybe the guy is resenting that you moved in and are in his space so he is "not giving it to you". He's known to go the passive aggressive way before, so maybe something is bothering him? Hope he changes because the twice a week thing must be pretty annoying.
Ariadne Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 in an otherwise great and affectionate relationship? I'd be very frustrated in a situation like that and not sure how I'd deal with it. I guess I'd put up more the more I liked the guy, but still hard position to be at.
FrustratedStandards Posted October 15, 2011 Posted October 15, 2011 Once or twice a week would NOT be enough for me. Affection etc is important, but if the woman isn't sexually happy (not necessarily satisfied but isn't happy) then she will stray. At least in my case. I think sex allows you to share something much more intimate that cuddling and affection alone can't express.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted October 15, 2011 Author Posted October 15, 2011 Hey, Maybe the guy is resenting that you moved in and are in his space so he is "not giving it to you". He's known to go the passive aggressive way before, so maybe something is bothering him? Hope he changes because the twice a week thing must be pretty annoying. I doubt that he is resentful. He practically begged me to move in (I was thinking about it for a bit). As for space, I need more space than he does. I am constantly making sure that he doesn't neglect his hobbies, family and friends. He even feels offended that I am "forcing" him to do those things as he says he would rather spend his free time with me. We probably spend too much time together though. Work (normal 9-5) and volleyball that he plays once a week for an hour is the only time we have apart. And he invites me to volleyball every week, I just chose not to go.
xxoo Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 The last woman I was seeing didn't like the fact I could only see her once a week. Sorry, but that 20 cord of firewood isn't going to split & stack itself. Have you ever been so crazy about someone that you invite them over to sit with you while you split & stack the wood? (that sounded vaguely dirty...but I mean the actual firewood ) When I was dating my H, I would have gone over to watch, chat, and help. Anything to get that time together! Having sex everyday would make it routine, like brushing your teeth. Pent up desire makes the act much better in my opinion. Routine sex can be nice, too. It is like the best hug, except 1000x better. Just lovely. Still, pent up desire does make things hotter!
Art_Critic Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Have you ever been so crazy about someone that you invite them over to sit with you while you split & stack the wood? (that sounded vaguely dirty...but I mean the actual firewood ) When I was dating my H, I would have gone over to watch, chat, and help. Anything to get that time together! A couple of months ago we lost a huge tree up at the cabin and it had to be cut up and split.. My wife was nowhere to be found when it came time.... to be fair.. she did cook some great meals those couple of days... My 3.5 year old son on the other hand.. he piled about 1/3 of the firewood coming off the splitter... I would find it a rare woman who would spend her free time at a log splitter
Ariadne Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 I doubt that he is resentful. He practically begged me to move in (I was thinking about it for a bit). As for space, I need more space than he does. Well, The worst thing would be that he doesn't care for sex very much. There are some guys like that, like people who don't like ice cream. Hope that's not the case since he was ok before.
AHardDaysNight Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 I would be fine with it, if a girl wanted this.
xxoo Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 A couple of months ago we lost a huge tree up at the cabin and it had to be cut up and split.. My wife was nowhere to be found when it came time.... to be fair.. she did cook some great meals those couple of days... My 3.5 year old son on the other hand.. he piled about 1/3 of the firewood coming off the splitter... I would find it a rare woman who would spend her free time at a log splitter When you were dating, though? If that's the only time he had to see me, I'd be hauling some logs. Get it done in half the time, and spend the rest of the time in bed
Art_Critic Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 When you were dating, though? If that's the only time he had to see me, I'd be hauling some logs. Get it done in half the time, and spend the rest of the time in bed I try not to talk about woman I have dated in too much detail on LS but yes I have dated a woman or 2 that went above and beyond to spend time with me.. One even used to make me meals and bring them to my work, I was working like 20+ hours a day back then and she would fall asleep on a couch in our front lobby.. All in the name of spending time around me.. So your point is made... I agree with you
allina Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 There are some guys like that, like people who don't like ice cream. :laugh: I actually dislike ice cream, but I love sex I don't think it's bad to have a week here and there where you have sex only 1-2 a week but I would not be happy with that being the norm.
Els Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 I really, really don't get the point of all the threads (not just ES's, before anyone thinks I am picking on her) asking 'Would you be okay with sex x number of times per week?'. Why??? Firstly , the answers you get will be greatly influenced by the very nature of the forum you post it in - LS. I mean, it'd be like going to a football forum and asking, "How many of you would be okay with not watching the World Cup?" Secondly, what do you plan to do with everyone's answers? If everyone says they would be okay, would you make yourself okay with it just because 'everyone else is'? And if everyone says otherwise, what difference would it make? You aren't okay with it, and whether or not others are should not influence your decision. One of the worst mistakes to make in an R is to insist on your relationship being the same as everyone else's.
louise_23 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 in an otherwise great and affectionate relationship? Also, the frequency is not really due to tiredness, kids or any other obstacles. It just seems like there is no desire (from his side) to do it more than that. i wouldnt miss it if it stopped completely. ive done it enough that i find it boring. be careful it doesnt turn into a case of the less you have it, the less you want it though. its hard to recover from that lol. take it from me. id rather have a cup of tea and a sit down
Pierre Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Why do single people discuss this issue. All sex surveys show that married folks get laid much more than single people.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 We ended up having sex 4 times this weekend so it seems it fluctuates. I'm going to relax about this issue.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted October 16, 2011 Author Posted October 16, 2011 We have now moved on from using condoms to withdrawal method, which I know is kind of risky Not sure how risky if he withdraws in time, every time.
Art_Critic Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) We have now moved on from using condoms to withdrawal method, which I know is kind of risky Not sure how risky if he withdraws in time, every time. Google it.. or go to the CDC's webpage.. maybe you will stop if you read up about how it isn't a form of birth control. I've know a few people that have kids today from it.. I call it the "pull and pray method" I will say though that the "Rhythm Method" combined with the "pull and pray" might be better off than just guessing. You can bet with having sex as often as you do that his tubes have sperm in them and that will come out in you while pumping... He needs to make sure he pees after her comes and before sex the next time Edited October 16, 2011 by Art_Critic
anne1707 Posted October 16, 2011 Posted October 16, 2011 Are you prepared to take such a high risk of pregnancy when your relationship has had more than it's fair share of problems (even this past week)?
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